"I didn't know that mermaids' tails were hairy," Thorin commented.
The mermaid put her hands on her hips. "Well excuse me." She sighed. "So you've caught me. You can now marry me or fry me up or whatever it is your kind does to merfolk."
Thorin frowned. "Please don't sound so glum." She sighed. "I was simply instructed to catch a bride."
"And you took it literally?" The mermaid shook her head, her orange hair shimmering in the setting sun.
"Well, I'm not what you'd call the best at courting." She paused before speaking again. "I am Thorin Oakenshield, queen under the mountain of the dwarf kingdom of Erebor. And you are?"
The mermaid huffed. "If you must know, I am Bilbo Baggins, daughter of Bungo and Belladonna Baggins, and a most respectable owner of Bag End, the house under the coral. But I guess I'm not the owner now, am I?"
The woman sighed. "I promise to give you a nice big pool, alright?"
The mermaid laughed. "Does that include all the fish that I could want to eat?"
"Fish?"
"Well yes," Bilbo said. "Really, us merfolk would get tired of eating seaweed all the time. We have to improvise."