"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I'll set you apart"

The decision to 'die' was not my own. Once my path was determined, I accepted it, but with a reluctance I was not used to. Logic and science have always been the basis of my life, but as I was planning to disappear, a strange feeling came over me that I was not used to. One of longing; of wishing I did not have to go. I was not used to having ties and would usually come and go as I pleased. Of course, I knew leaving John was one tie I had to break but I could accept this and I knew he would eventually cope with my absence, for however long it would be. But the thought of leaving Molly...

I struggled with my feelings for so long. I had never been attached to another human in the same way before. My ties to Irene were intellectual and sexual, but not emotional. She was intriguing, like a puzzle I needed to crack. But Molly….she was not a puzzle. She was wide open, her feelings and thoughts were plain for everyone to see. I was not used to this type of relationship and it took me a long time to understand it. I have often examined the emotions of other people but failed to recognise the signs in myself.

I went to the lab, trying to keep my focus on Moriarty. I was desperate to beat him, partly because I detested losing, but partly because I knew what would happen if I lost. I hated the fact that he had hurt Molly and used her to get to me. She was leaving as we arrived so I joked about it on the way in. I tried to pretend she was not there but I could feel her next to me as the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I was carrying on as normal, still unaware of the extent of my feelings, still trying to rationalise my racing heart as adrenaline.

The microscope was a welcome focus as I considered Moriarty's words to me. Molly always listened to me; she was tuned in to whatever I said or did. She heard me muttering and I was irritated as she drew my focus back to her and away from the microscope. I spent so much of my time trying to stop thinking about her.

'You're a bit like my dad. He's dead. No sorry…..'

I snapped at her. I didn't want her to speak to me and I knew being cruel was usually a good way to stop her. I suppose I act like a child in a playground, hitting the girl to hide the fact that I like her.

'When he was dying he was always cheerful, he was lovely. Except when he thought no one could see. I saw him once; he looked sad. You look sad when you think he can't see you. Are you ok? And don't just say you are. Because I know what that means, looking sad when you think no one can see you.'

I always thought I kept up such a calm exterior; one that no one could see through. I prided myself on it. Emotion was unnecessary and a distraction from the work. But she cut right through me. How could she know? I had not told anyone how I expected it to turn out with Moriarty but she knew. She thought I was hiding my sadness when I thought John was not looking, but the truth was he was just not looking at me in the same way.

'You can see me. '

Because she could see me, the me I kept hidden from everyone else.

'I don't count.'

I looked at her incredulously. How could she think that? She counted more to me that she knew. More than anyone knew.

'What I'm trying to say is if there's anything I can do, anything you need, anything at all, you can have me. No I just mean...I mean if there's anything you need….It's fine.'

I was stunned. I knew she would do anything for me and that I could take advantage of that. I was struggling for words.

'Wh..what could I need from you?'

'Nothing I dunno.'

Her cheeks turned pink, her eyelids fluttered and she was breathing rapidly.

'You could probably say thank you, actually.'

'Thank you.'

She had no idea what I was thanking her for. Her words changed me. She did not know how much she counted to me. She made me realise how much she did matter to me. I had to set those feelings aside though, too much else was riding on me.

When I was with John, it hit me. Moriarty knew how much John, Mrs Hudson and Lestrade meant to me in varying ways. But my calm exterior had worked; he never realised about Molly. I realised that she could save me. I had to find her, and I knew she would help me. I knew I had to be honest with her though and so I had to see her alone.

'You're wrong you know. You do count. You've always counted and I've always trusted you.'

I struggled to keep the emotion out of my voice and it broke slightly several times. I could not bear the fact that I was asking her to put herself in danger for me. Especially as it meant we could not stay together.

'You were right. I'm not ok.'

'Tell me what's wrong.'

The emotion in her face broke my heart.

'Molly, I think I'm going to die.'

'What do you need?'

I needed to know if she loved me. Not Sherlock the genius or Sherlock the perceived superhero, but the real me that I thought she saw.

'If I wasn't everything that you think I am, everything that I think I am, would you still want to help me?'

'What do you need?'

She repeated her question, unwavering, not faltering. I could tell by her steady gaze and the way she looked into my eyes that she was honest. I could barely believe that someone so beautiful, so innocent and caring could love me so completely. I slowly stepped closer to her.

'You.'

And in that moment, she was all I needed. I stepped closer again and cupped her cheek in my hand. I wiped the tears away with my thumb and tried to comfort her. She closed her eyes and seemed to savour my touch despite the fact that my hand was shaking.

She looked up at me again with her large brown eyes and our faces were so close I could feel her breath on my lips. Usually I am an expert at noticing the small details but at that moment I could not think. I was instinctive. I moved my hand down to her chin and pulled her face towards me. As my lips touched hers, I felt so many things at once: release, happiness, excitement, fear. Our lips began to move together and I felt like I was dreaming. I never knew it would be like this. For all my rational thought, I could not fathom this. How the body could take over the mind, my brilliant mind. My tongue gently entered her mouth and I could taste her. My other hand moved to take hers in mind and we stood there for what seemed like hours, holding hands and kissing and for while, I forgot what was to come.

"Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

Oh lets go back to the start

Running in circles, coming in tails

Heads on a science apart"

Breaking away from the kiss was hard. I lay down a pile of lab coats on the floor and finally, took my own coat off and lay it on top. I had never wanted to cloud my thinking by experiencing the height of human emotions before, but at that moment all I wanted was to lose myself in Molly Hooper. She stood there watching me, as if stunned.

I walked behind her and lifted her bag over her head, then took her coat and cardigan off. As my breathing became quicker and my pulse began racing, I slid my hands down her arms and lifted her top off, discarding it in the growing pile of clothes. I then reached up and freed her hair from its usual pony tail so it fell around her shoulders and placed her hair tie on the worktop. A fruity scent came at me and I was momentarily overwhelmed. I walked back around to face her, to take in her beauty.

She was still stood, stunned. I took her hands and moved them to my shirt. As she undid the buttons she did not move her eyes from mine. She looked as I felt; overwhelmed and afraid. I knew I had to take charge, so she no longer felt afraid, and she knew I wanted this as much as she did. Maybe more.

Afterwards, as we lay on the floor wrapped in my coat, facing each other, we spoke. She told me about herself in so much detail and I did not have the heart to stop her and tell her I had already uncovered this information about her. I enjoyed listening, and lay there watching her lips move as she spoke, twisting her hair in my fingers. I knew this was likely to be the last time we ever did this, so I took as much in as I could, saving it in my mind palace. She noticed I was not talking after a while and knew why. She asked me what I needed again, and so I told her. And almost as if it had never happened, we fell back into the old ways. We dressed as we talked through the plan, delaying the inevitable.

"Nobody said it was easy

Its such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start"

I put my coat back on, and waited for her to speak. All of this time I had almost underestimated Molly Hooper but she understood exactly what I needed. I had changed in that short time we were in that room and so had she. She was more confident, as if she had let go of her fear.

Our eyes met and we looked at each other for what felt like minutes. My eyes pricked with the sting of tears. Again my body showing emotion I had kept inside for so long. No one else would ever understand me like her and I had to let her go. I didn't know for how long but I knew she had to believe it would be forever. I could not bear to touch her again, knowing this would not help either of us deal with the coming hours.

She turned to locate her hair tie and I slipped out of the door. I walked as fast as I could down the corridor. I heard her come out of the door behind me but I was too far gone. I thought I heard her whisper goodbye and I closed my eyes, wishing the guilt and pain out of my mind. In this short space of time I had experienced all of the range of emotions attached with feeling for another person: confusion, panic, lust, ecstasy, love….I could not think of her now, I could only think of Moriarty.

"I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science, of science and progress

Could not speak as loud as my heart"

Once I was back, I knew I had to see John first, to explain myself. That did not go down too well. Seeing Molly however was different. She knew I was alive; how I felt for her. But as soon as I saw her walk in to her locker room that day, I knew things had changed. I noticed the sparkle come from the third finger on her left hand and my heart sank. I did not expect her to have waited for me….but a small piece of me had hoped for it.

It was still obvious she had feelings for me but the ring meant I would not act on them. I could not help but want to spend more time with her though and so invited her along with me on a case. It was difficult spending the day with her; almost like a glimpse in to what could have been. She looked exactly the same, with pink cheeks and large eyes. She even still used the same shampoo. I carried on as normal, dealing with clients and solving their cases without much effort. Science had brought us together as before. Even as the case came to a close I was keen not to end our time together and in my own way, asked her for dinner.

'Sherlock, what was today about?'

She knew that this was not just about work. Even now she could see still underneath everything else.

'Saying thank you.'

'For what?'

'For everything you did for me.'

For loving me, for giving me the strength to defeat Moriarty, for letting me go.

'Its ok, it was my pleasure.'

I blushed. I don't know if she meant our time together but instantly, at the thought of pleasure, images of her, of us, came unbidden to my mind.

'No. I mean it.'

'I don't mean pleasure I mean, I didn't mind. I wanted to.'

She was blushing too. She knew what I was thinking because she was thinking it took. All the old feeling between us was still there, she had to know. But this time there was one thing between us.

'Moriarty slipped up. He made a mistake. Because the one person he thought didn't matter at all to me was the one person who mattered the most. You made it all possible. But you can't do this again can you?'

I knew what her answer would be but I needed to hear her say it.

'I had a lovely day. I'd love to…I just…um'

'Congratulations by the way.'

She looked away, embarrassed.

'He's not from work. We met through friends, the old fashioned way. He's nice, he's got a dog, we go to the pub on weekends, and I met his mum and dad and his friends and all his family….I have no idea why I'm telling you all this.'

'I hope you'll be very happy, Molly Hooper. You deserve it. After all not all the men you fall for will turn out to be sociopaths…'

I stepped closer, flashbacks popping in to my mind of the last time we were this close. I looked into her large brown eyes and for once, I was unsure of what emotion I saw there. I leaned closer and kissed her, taking in her scent and savouring the feeling of her soft skin under my lips again. I turned and walked away, as a sadness enveloped my heart.

As I walked out the door, I heard her behind me

'Maybe that's just my type.'

And with that sentence, sadness turned to hope. Hope that she still loved me. Hope that one day the time will be right for us and I will believe that I am right for Molly Hooper.

"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are"