You're On My Mind, All The Time - James/Logan - Rated T - sadness, then extreme fluffiness.
A/N: Hey there! Looks like I wrote another one shot. Now originally, this was going to be a story, like a chaptered one, but I thought it would be better as a one shot. I'm still not sure, but ya know, whatevs. Anyways, I hope you all like it! (:
It had been years. Years since they'd seen each other. Years since they'd spoke. All because of one stupid mistake. James Diamond definitely felt bad about it, there was no two ways about that. The guilt had slowly been eating at him in the past two years he hadn't seen his Logan. Well… not his anymore. James always beat himself up for the one mistake he made, the one mistake that ended it all. Ended everything he could have had, everything he ever had. He broke Logan Mitchell's heart.
How? James wasn't sure how he managed to do such a thing, how could he have broken Logan Mitchell's heart? Sweet Logan, who'd never done James anything wrong. The Logan that James knew didn't deserve that.
As usual, Logan had drove to the gym to pick up James, from his daily work out, and James simply let himself slip. He knew he wasn't exactly used to being tied down to one person, but he'd let someone take advantage of him. Even if it was a simple kiss. Logan saw as he walked up to the gym. James could see the hurt in his boyfriend's eyes. He could feel his boyfriend's hurt, right in his chest. He had pushed the girl off of him, calling out Logan's name, but Logan just shook his head, tears streaming down his face as he ran back to the car, hopping in and driving away.
It's amazing how one simple action can completely obliterate any chance of happiness. But it can. James learned that the hard way. He'd thrown it all away, everything he and Logan had, everything they were - just by one stupid kiss.
He'd tried to tell himself that it wasn't his fault, that he didn't initiate the kiss. James knew he didn't, but he also knew that he didn't pull away from the kiss. He knew that Logan didn't know anything about the kiss, other than the fact that it happened.
He knew that Logan didn't trust him, and when Logan didn't trust someone, it was hard to break that nearly impenetrable wall that the shorter boy built around himself. It was hard to let Logan trust you, and once you did, you were in. You'd learn everything about Logan that he'd never tell another living soul. It was hard enough for James to have gotten Logan to trust him. And James knew it would be impossible to regain Logan's trust.
James had tried so desperately hard to get over Logan, but Logan had a way with people. He'd dig a hole so deep in your heart that no matter what you did, no matter how many people you were with afterwards, they'd never be able to fill that hole - no, that abyss that Logan made in your heart. It was simply impossible. James discovered that as well, when he tried to date again. He simply couldn't do it. He couldn't date other people. They weren't what he needed. They weren't Logan.
Logan was James's lifeline. James needed Logan like he needed air to breath, he needed Logan like a heart needed a beat. Now that Logan was out of his life, James felt dead. Just… lifeless. Like there was no point in living, no point for existence. James didn't know how Logan did this to him, he'd never felt like this towards any of the other people he'd dated. Just Logan. Only Logan.
James didn't know where Logan was. He hadn't seen him for two years. James couldn't believe how long it had been. He could still see Logan's tears, Logan's sad expression, like it had all happened the other day. It amazed him really, how time just flew by. How the guilt had kept his mind off of time. How Logan always wandered in his thoughts.
He reminisced over everything that had happened in their relationship. When James asked Logan out on a date, when he asked Logan to move in with him, and then, when Logan opened up to him.
Logan was normally a closed book, tightly wound shut, never to be opened unless by the right person. James had thought that right person was him, but he was so wrong. He knew he wasn't. He knew it in his heart.
He remembered the day it all fell apart, the day he'd let the kiss happen. He recalled walking back home, and finding all of Logan's things just… gone. The memory of that was so vivid that it still hurt to think about. Which is why James didn't think about it. He pushed any thought of Logan to the side, not wanting to feel the pain, hurt, and guilt he'd felt for the two years he and Logan split.
He thought he was doing pretty well, James did. He didn't feel as much pain as he did before. He felt he was going to be alright, that is until Logan Mitchell walked into his life again…
It was a Tuesday afternoon, the time when James would go on his daily walk, to get his mind off of Logan. He had been walking down the sidewalks of Los Angeles, just minding his own business, when he realized he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He felt himself collide with someone, who must have been running, and James stumbled, where as the other person fell over and onto the concrete. James's eyes widened.
"My god, I'm so sorry!" He immediately apologized, his eyes looking down at the person. "Are you-" His breath hitched in his throat. The person that ran into him, the person that was now staring up at him, the person who gave him an incredulous look…
That was Logan Mitchell.
"James?.." Logan asked, though he already knew it was James.
"Logan…" James breathed, watching as the smaller boy stood up. They stared at each other for a long moment, both of them feeling a sudden pull to just wrap their arms around one another. Though neither moved. "H-How have you been?" James asked, his heart thundering in his chest.
"Um… alright I guess," Logan responded, forgetting that he'd probably be late for work. He just stared up at his ex-boyfriend. He missed him. His heart hurt now more than ever because he was actually right there. Right in front of him. He wanted so desperately to just wrap his arms around James's waist, cry his eyes out, and never let go. James basically felt the same way.
"Lo', listen… I'm reall-"
"Please, please don't…" Logan cut James off, his chest hurting so badly right then. "I-I can't James…"
"Logan, I'm sor-" James tried again, but was defeated when Logan just cut him off again.
"No, please don't say that," Logan begged. "I-I… I need to get to work…" He said.
"Logan please, I just need one minute with you. To explain everything," James told the shorter boy, and Logan frowned, closing his eyes as he bit his lip. James knew then that he was holding back tears.
"Y-You have… one minute," Logan replied after a long moment, really wanting James to have a good reason, so he could get back with him. His heart never hurt so bad in his entire life.
"I-It was an accident… She started the kiss Logan. And I know. I know I didn't pull away… but you've got to understand that that's because I am not used to being tied down to one person. Well, I wasn't then," James said, and Logan let a few tears fall. "It was a stupid mistake. The stupidest thing I've ever done. It was just… God, you have no idea how many times I thought it would better if I was gone because of that one mistake. I've held my own and dealt with the guilt for these two years. And I've broke down a lot. I really have. Because I miss you. And no one's ever made me feel the way you make me feel," James said.
"James…"
"Wait. I know you're doubtful, because honestly, I would be too. Having the guy that cheated on you say that you're special. It must suck. But Logan, I can swear on my life that I am not lying. I love you. And whether or not you forgive me, my love for you will never fade. You're the reason I breath, you're my reason for everything, and that's how I know I love you. I'm sorry… I should have never hurt you," James finished, staring down at Logan, his own eyes glistening. Logan bit his lip.
"I'm sorry too. I just… you're right… it is hard to believe…"
"Then I'll need to prove it to you, somehow," James suggested, and Logan looked up at him, wiping his eyes.
"How are you planning on doing that?"
"I'll tell you everyday. I could tell you through tons of things. I could show you, I could give you things, I could simply say it to you. I could tell you it through song, or through rhyme. I could tell you endlessly, for the rest of our lives. I could never let you go, I could hold you in my arms until the ends of time. I could love you, through anything and everything. I could love you when you're at your best, and when you're at your worst. I could love you always, and I could love you forever. I'll love you until my life comes to an end. I could tell you I love you through hundreds of words, I could tell you through twenty. Or, I could tell you through just three," James stated.
"James," Logan said.
"Three words Logan. I could just tell you how much I care through three little words. Three little words that mean so much to me. And I'm sure you know what those words are?" Logan bit his lip, but didn't answer. "Those three words, that are so small, but mean so much, are the words, 'I love you'," James added, and Logan closed his eyes tightly, sniffling.
"I-I…" Logan began, biting his lip. He looked up at James. "I forgive you," He breathed, and then ran up to James, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's waist, and holding him tightly. James wrapped his arms around the smaller frame, pulling him as close as he possibly could. "I forgive you, James…" Logan whispered, beginning to cry. It felt so good to be back in his lover's arms.
"Logan..?" James asked after a moment, and Logan looked up at him.
"Yes?" He asked, and James smiled.
"Can I kiss you?" He questioned, and the shorter boy laughed.
"Of course you can," He replied, and James leaned down, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. Logan returned it instantly, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck again, pulling him closer. He felt warmness spread throughout his body, just at the feeling of kissing James again. Just at the feeling of being with James again. After quite a while, they pulled away.
"Lo'?" James asked.
"Yeah?"
"Do… do you love me again?" James asked, and Logan bit his lip. James felt like his heart was about to break when Logan didn't answer right away. Logan pulled him down then, close to his own face, a small little smile now tugging at his lips.
"Who says I ever stopped?" He asked, and James smiled, before being pulled down into another kiss. So maybe James was wrong, maybe he was the one for Logan. Or, maybe Logan was really the one for him. The only one for James. All James really knew, was that… love always finds it's way back. Through anything. If it's true, eventually, it will mend itself.
Was that okay? Leave a review and tell me what you thought! Also, tell me if you think I should make this into a chaptered story or not. (: