Peeta saved my life. No, he stole my freedom. The one thing I still had a choice in was my death and he stole that from me when he crushed the nightlock under his boot. My trial's over. I've been found not guilty. They think I've lost what little sanity I had left. They're keeping me in the Capitol which I hate. I want to go home. I've been told that 12 has started rebuilding.
I've been kept in this hospital room for weeks, isolated from the world from the fear that I may kill again. They say my burns haven't healed yet but there trying to set up mental supports for me. I want out. I want- no, need fresh air. I miss seeing the-
There's a knock at my door and I look up from my journal which I'm forced to write in. One of the nicer nurses, Clara, is in my doorway. "Peeta's asking to see you."
"Do I have to see him?" He's slowly been recovering and I'm scared him seeing me might set him back or send him into an episode. . . .
"You don't have to do anything, Katniss. You aren't in prison," she frowns slightly.
"Then why is my door always locked?" I hiss.
"You know that's for you safety as well as for the safety of others," that's the same answer I get every time.
"How is he?" The thought suddenly pops into my mind. I haven't seen him in quite a while.
"Come and ask him for yourself," they can't be too concerned about my state of mind as the nurse walks out leaving the door open. I could run if I wanted but where would I go? I follow her out, down the hall.
Peeta's hospital room is different than mine. The only furniture he has is a bed and a one way mirror across from the bed means he's always under watch. As I walk past the adjacent observation room I see a doctor and someone else quickly jotting down notes. A guard stands by the door in case things get out of hand which hasn't happened in quite a while. I grab the door handle to find it's already unlocked. I enter to find him on the bed, tying ropes in a knot like Finnick used to do. Finnick. A pain shoots through my chest but I ignore it the best I can. I notice that the piece of rope is fairly short, not long enough to wrap around a neck. He looks up at me but finishes his knot before speaking.
"I didn't think you'd come."
"I don't have anything better to do. I'm as much trapped here as you," he sets the rope aside and pats the bed beside him.
"You can sit down if you want although I understand that I'm not the most. . .stable person to be around. The doctors told me I needed to interact with you though." I walk over and sit on the bed, leaving him a bit of room still.
"How are you feeling?" I really look his face over. He has dark bags under his eyes. He probably hasn't been sleeping well, we both suffer from terrible nightmares. Without him I find no relief.
"Better. The doctors are trying a new medication to keep me relaxed," he slowly slides his hand onto mine and smiles when I don't pull back.
"That's good."
"There's something I want to ask you . . . but you don't have to agree if you don't want to," he adds quickly.
I nod, "Anything I can do to help," he's silent for a moment.
"Will you stay with me tonight- like a sleep over? I've cleared it with my doctors and was thinking that if you stayed with me the-"
"Nightmares won't be as bad?" He quickly nods, looking relieved that I understand. "I still get them too. Maybe we'll both get a better sleep," I gently squeeze his hand.
"They'll be people watching the entire time so if something goes wrong or if I-"
"I'm not worried about it, Peeta. I trust you. I know you'd never try to hurt me. Sometimes you get bad flashbacks and I don't hold that against you. What you went through- nobody should have to endure."
He nods, "It's just, every time I come back and find out that I've hurt you, I- I feel like I'm a monster. Like I'm the mutt."
"Shh, none of that. You're trying your best and I'm proud of you for that. I'll go grab my things and be right back," he smiles, a genuine smile, which I haven't seen on a long time and nods his head excitedly. He looks like a kid on Christmas morning. I don't think he thought I'd agree to stay.
I scurry back to my room and grab a set of pyjamas and my toothbrush, which is just about all my possessions. The nurses don't look at me twice. I've been accustomed to their constant eye and they've become used to my strange behaviours. I hurry back to his room and throw my stuff on the floor. "Have you eaten yet?"
"No, they bring me my food. Still don't trust me to be around large crowds of people," poor Peeta, it's clear that the isolation is getting to him.
"Well, I'm eating with you today," he smiles again, looking thrilled to have company for once. There's a knock at the door and a man walks in with a tray.
"Evening, Peeta."
"Evening, what do we have tonight?"
"Lamb stew, one of your favourites I do believe," something changes in Peeta, like a switch is flipped and the smile is gone from his face.
"I'm not hungry, I don't want it," his voice is on the edge of hysteria.
"Peeta, you know the rules- if you don't cooperate you aren't allowed visitors," this seems to be a frequent discussion between the pair. Maybe this is why I've only now been allowed to see him.
"I don't want it!" He yells and I'm taken back. It's one of the few times I've ever heard him yell.
"Peeta, hey, look at me." I gently grab his face and turn it towards me. "It's alright, I'm here."
"I don't want it! Make him get rid of it!" I motion for the man to put the food down and he walks out slowly, not wanting to get involved. I gently run a hand over his cheek. I wrack my brain, trying to think of what's set him off but nothing stands out.
"What's wrong with the food?" I hope he doesn't lose what little control he has left. He mutters something about the games and that's when I remember, we were sent lamb stew in our first Hunger Games.
"You trust me, real or not real?"
"Real," he says softly his face contorted as if he were in pain.
"Okay, then close your eyes."
"What? Wh-"
"Shh, you said you trusted me," he swallows nervously but closes his eyes and his face relaxes. I rest a hand on his leg to let him know that I haven't left. I grab the bowl from the tray, carefully taking a spoonful of the lamb stew and guiding it to his mouth. He apprehensively swallows. "Was that alright?" He nods, keeping his eyes closed. It's precious to see him so trusting of me when only a few weeks ago he was trying to kill me.
Spoon by spoon, he slowly eats the entire meal with my coaxing and reassurance. I put the bowl back on the tray and lean in to kiss him. I can feel his lips forming a smile and as I pull back his blue eyes open up, once again calm.
"Thank you," his words are soft. So soft I barely hear him but the message is clear. I smile and nod, showing him that what I did was nothing extraordinary.
"Are you tired?" He hesitates, not wanting to disappoint me but I can tell he his. "Why don't we go to sleep early? I'm tired too," he smiles and once again thanks me. I quickly change into my pyjamas and brush my teeth before laying down beside him. He apprehensively drapes his arm over my shoulder and I pull it closer. "It's alright. You don't have to be scared."
"Thank you. For everything. Helping me eat and agreeing to stay with me. I've really missed you."
"I've missed you too." He smiles and looks down at me. He leans down, gently placing a kiss on my lips.
"Night."
"Night." The lights go out and we settle into each other's arms, safe and sound.
The nightmares stay away but strange dreams still plague my sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and feel Peeta in my arms still. I pull him close and smile at his familiar scent. I must fall back asleep because the next time I open my eyes light has begun to fill the room. I don't think Peeta has had as peaceful night as I have because I turn to see him tensing his muscles in his sleep and muttering the word no over and over.
"Shh, Peeta. Hey, it's okay. I'm here, you're safe." I rub his back, trying to bring him back to the real world. He sits up quickly, gasping for breath and looks over at me. "It's alright, you're safe," I give him a reassuring smile. "What was happening? What did you see?"
"They had you." It doesn't take long for me to figure out who they is, the Capitol.
"It's alright, they don't. I'm here with you and we're both safe."
"The Capitol tortured me, real or not real?"
"Real," I safe softly. I wish he could forget that.
"Snow is dead, real or not real?"
"Real. He can't hurt anyone anymore. Things are going to be different now," I pause to let my words sink in, "Do you want to try and go back to sleep?"
"I don't know. I'll just have more nightmares."
"You need to sleep, Peeta. I can tell just by looking at you that you're exhausted." I sigh softly then come up with a plan. "How about I go get us a snack?"
"Food made by the great Miss. Everdeen? How can I say no to that?" He smiles and I exit the room and knock on the door to the watch room, I'm assuming somebody's still up. I'd be a bit concerned if no one was. One of the nurses who often is in charge of Peeta pokes his head out.
"Yes?" I tell him my plan and he helps me put it together.
I return to Peeta with a tray of fruits, the things we couldn't afford back in 12. I place the tray on the bed and grab a piece of something they call watermelon. "Dig in," he smiles at me and immediately grabs some blackberries and raspberries. After a few bites the smile disappears.
"These taste funny," he's figured this out before and I'm sure he will again that I've snuck sleep syrup into his favourite berries.
"Lay down," I gently push him back, against the pillow.
"What did you do, Katniss?" He's scared, the nurse told me that they've tried to give him sleeping medications but it just turns into a battle and they quickly give up. "Katniss?!" He repeats my name, more frantic.
"You trust me, right?"
"Real." He nods.
"Then you know that I'd never hurt you." I pull the covers up to his neck and sit beside him, "I'm right here with you. I'm not going to leave. We're going to see if this will help you sleep."
"You drugged me?!" He tries to sit up but the drugs are already taking over.
"Shh, I'm right here. It's ok, you're safe." I rub his cheek as he quickly loses consciousness. His face is much more relaxed, he looks younger like he should. I ruffle his hair before snuggling up beside him.