A/N: I know it's been awhile but here is something new I have been working on. I really liked the idea I had about merging my two Messer families into one. (MTL-Taylor and the Yahtzee kids) In continuation with that idea here is a new chapter to When Taylor Met Yahtzee. Told in Taylor's POV, with the end tag reading like a blog. Enjoy!
For the record I have temporarily ceased work on Uptown Girl. I can't seem to get out of a corner I put myself in during the last chapter. Hopefully with the upcoming episodes I should be able to get some new ideas on where I can go with it. Until then here is my new chapter!
Road Trip or How Taylor Lindsay Messer Survived 27 Days in an SUV with Her Five Brothers and Sisters or Why Danny and Lindsay are Never Taking a Road Trip with Six Kids, Two Stowaway Pets and Their Best Friends' Stella and Don Flack and Family Ever, Ever Again (Part One)
"We're going where?" I asked my mother.
"Your father, Flack and Stella have never left the city of New York," Lindsay Messer explained. "They decided that they want to take a family road trip."
I quickly did the math. All right in the Messer clan alone there's Mom and Dad, me, DJ, Bella, Evan, PJ and Miracle. So that's eight plus four. 12! 12 people on a road trip. This is going to a trip worth blogging about. "So where exactly are we going?"
"Well your brothers, father and the Flack boys want to go to a Cubbies game in Chicago," Mom explained. "Both Eric and Hunter want to go to Cedar Point. I, course want to go see my family for a few days."
"Do I get any say in where we're going?" I asked. "I would really love to go to Washington. I know you and Aunt Stella would love to see the Hope Diamond up close."
"Everyone is coming over tonight to plan a route," Mom said. "Everyone can put in their suggestions. We'll draw 12 different locations and plan the trip around them."
"How diplomatic of us," I quipped.
Later that evening the Messer family brownstone was packed with the Flack and Messer family members. At the beginning of the evening Mom and Aunt Stella handed out strips of paper for everyone to write down the destination of choice. A large map of the US and Canada was tacked to the wall. Dad and Uncle Flack stood in the middle of the two families.
"I now call to order to the Destination Lottery for the first-"
"And possibly last," I quipped quietly to Eric.
"I heard that Taye," Dad teased. "For the first annual Messer-Flack Family Road Trip. Once everyone has completed their Destination Lottery tickets please hand them to Flack to be mixed in the sacred Mets cap."
It took about twenty minutes for everyone to get their tickets to Flack. "All right gang. Submission time is now over. Danny and I will read the 12 selected destinations and our lovely and brilliant assistants will mark each on the map," Don said. "And our first location is...Washington, DC!"
Lindsay marked the map with a red stick pin. Danny reached into the hat and pulled out another ticket. "Bozeman, Montana!" Stella marked it on the map. By the end of the drawing the Messers and the Flacks were going to DC, Bozeman, Chicago, Orlando, Prince Edward Island, San Deigo, New Orleans, Charleston, Seattle, Yellowstone, Daytona Beach and Niagra Falls.
"Mom are you sure you're going to have enough time off for this trip?" Hunter asked.
"Buddy between the four of us we have almost three years worth of vacation time saved up," Flack said. "Now you guys go outside so we can plan our route since we're going from one side of the country to the other."
My brothers and sisters and the Flack boys headed out to the backyard. Eric grabbed a red kickball on the way out. He and Hunter challenged DJ, Evan and PJ to a two on three game of kickball. Bella, Miracle and I watched from the gazebo in the garden. Inside the parentals discussed the route.
"I saw we go down the eastern seaboard to DC, Charleston, Daytona and Orlando," Lindsay said, taking a dry erase marker to the laminated map. "From Orlando we go to New Olreans, then to San Deigo. Then head north to Seattle, then east to Bozeman and Yellowstone, then to Chicago then to Niagra. We'll finish the trip in Prince Edward Island and then head home."
"Maybe we should have just stuck to east coast locations," Flack breathed as he looked at the map. "How are we going to seat everyone?"
"Mac said we could borrow two of the big SUVs from the department," Stella said. "Each can hold up to eight people."
"I know Taylor. Three days in the car with her brothers and sisters she'll find the first bus home," Danny said. "Everytime we stop somewhere, everyone has the chance to swap cars."
"I am so glad we decided to do this now that Yahtzee is older," Dad said. "Can you imagine attempting this with five four year olds and car seats?"
"We still have one car seat," Mom said. "Miracle still needs her seat. But the rest of them are good to go."
"So how about for the first leg we have Me and Don, with DJ, Evan, PJ, Eric and Hunter and you girls can take Bella, Taye and Miracle?" Uncle Don suggested.
"If you want boys in one car and the girls in the other why do you get PJ?" Mom asked.
"Because do you really want to listen to Bella and PJ argue for several hundred miles?" Danny asked. "You know those two. Their worse than all of them together."
"For the record when this blows up and ends up being the worst idea we have ever had," Mom started to say. "I get to be the first one to laugh and cry."
"Deal," Dad agreed.
Thus began the longest vacation of my life. And I do me the longest. We planned to leave the following week. I had never seen my mother so stressed out in her entire life. Then again she was pretty stressed when Miracle wandered away while we were at Wal-Mart. Seven suitcases were strewn across my parents' bed. Mom figured I was old enough to know what to pack and how much to bring.
"So why isn't Dad packing his own suitcase?" I teased.
"Because your father has the attention span of a seven year old. That why he and Yahtzee get along so well. Just do me a favor and have your suitcase packed and by the backdoor in three hours," Lindsay sighed. "Oh and bring up the laundry basket from the basement."
Thus began the longest summer vacation of my entire life. Dad declared at the last family meeting before we left that he wanted to be out of the city and on the freeway to DC by eight in the morning. I politely and slightly sarcastically pointed out that there is no possible way to get out of Manhattan and the greater New York City area by eight am. Mom and Aunt Stella had to turn away to keep from laughing at my comment and the red faced Danny. I continued my logical explaintion on why it impossible to get out of NEw York by eight am.
"The only way we can possibly make it is if we leave at three am. Which all of you cops know is the worst possible time to be out on the streets. All of the clubs and bars are emptying and the streets are filled with the drunk and disorderlies. Do you really want to deal with all of them, plus listen to Yahtzee, Eric, Hunter, me, Mom, Aunt Stella and Uncle Don whine about being up at such an ungodly hour?"
"Keep going Taylor and I will leave you with Nonna for the duration of this vacation," my father threatened.
"You need me on this trip," I countered. "There has to be at least one reliable witness when Mom and Aunt Stella kill you and Uncle Don for getting us lost in the desert of Texas."
"Taylor's got you there Danny," Aunt Stella laughed. "As it stands she is the only sane one in this crazy gaggle."
Despite my teasing, we and I do mean all 12 of us were out of the city by 8:03am. ANd we didn't have to leave at three either. We left at 4:45. Do Dad's credit we would have made it out by eight, but Mom's toll pass was low on funds and she, Aunt Stella and I had to dig for 75 cents.
It was quite a challenge splitting everyone up. No matter how we split one car was always going to have less people in it. Mom and Aunt Stella refused to ride with either of their husbands so that put Dad and Uncle Don in one SUV and Mom and Aunt Stella in the other. DJ and Evan wanted to ride with Dad, while Bella wanted to ride in whatever car I was in. PJ wanted to be with the boys and Miracle was sound asleep. Dad decided to take the boys and PJ with him. Eric and Hunter claimed the back seat of Dad's SUV for themselves and were not about to take a third person. That actually worked out perfectly for me because I go the back seat of Mom's SUV all to myself.
By lunchtime we had just made it to the outskirts of Philly. Dad in the lead car radioed back to Aunt Stella to take lunch location requests. Bella and I chose Arby's. Miracle was not in a responsive mode and was just staring out the window. We found an exit that had Arby's for me and Bella, McDonalds for DJ, Evan, PJ and Hunter, and a Taco Bell for Eric and the parents. The parentals gave each of the older kids (me and Hunter) money for lunch.
It was when we stopped that I was finally caught. In my very large purse, I had smuggled my Yorkie, Pig-Pen on the trip. Pig-Pen had finally yipped loud enough over Mom and Aunt Stella talking and the radio. Mom looked back from the passenger seat and caught me shushing my purse.
"Taye, does Pig-Pen need to make a potty stop?" my mother asked.
Damnit! "She's good for a couple more hours," I said sheepishly.
Mom picked up the radio and called over to Dad. "Messer One to Messer Two. We have a stowaway."
"Pig-Pen?" my father responded.
"That would be an affirmative," Mom replied.
"We also have a stowaway," Dad said. "I'm not sure how but DJ brought Buster."
Buster was my brothers' rat. He and Evan shared the responsibility of taking care of him.
"Do we have a cage for Buster?" Mom asked.
"That would be a negetive. Request permission to stop at next Wal-Mart for a small rat cage?" Dad asked.
"Permission granted," Mom sighed. "Taylor tell me you have all of Pig-Pen's toys, treats and kennel in your stuff."
"Yes Mom," I replied. "I actually thought my stowaway all the way through."
"I thought you were going to have Katie take Pig-Pen while we were gone?"
"She backed out last night. I was went over to drop her off and her mom didn't want her in the apartment, even though she already agreed that Katie could take care of her."
"You're paying for whatever pet fees we have at the hotels," Mom said sternly. "Next time just ask Taylor. I expected this from the boys but not from you."
Well frack. I thought to myself. We're not even to lunch on the first day and I'm already on Mom's shit list. Oh well, it won't last that long.
Boy was I wrong. Not only did I make Mom's shit list, I made Dad's as well. At our lunch stop, Dad pulled me aside from the others. I could tell he was really angry.
"I can't believe you would do this Taylor," Dad said, trying to keep his cool. "All you had to do was tell us that Katie backed out and we would have gladly accepted bringing Pig-Pen along for the trip. I think your mother and I disappointed in you is punishment enough. Don't do it again."
"Yes Daddy."
Along with lunch we were also able to locate a rat cage for Buster. It took a little prodding on Dad's part to discover whose idea it was to bring Buster along. DJ's punishment was he was going to have to ride with Mom for the rest of the trip to Daytona Beach. As to not punish the rest of us, we swapped Bella for DJ. No way I was going to broker fights between DJ and Bella for the remainder of the trip. Mom also pointed out to Dad that both culprits of pet smuggling were in the same car.
By that evening we were pulling into the parking lot of our first hotel, just on the outskirts of Baltimore. It took three rooms to split us all up. Bella, Pig-Pen, Miracle, PJ and I were in one room. Evan, Eric, Hunter and DJ next to us, with adjoining doors. The parentals shared a king size suite.
Mom put Eric in charge of the boy's room and me in charge of the girls'. Hunter was the big hero of DJ and Evan because he smuggled his GameCube and Super Smash Brothers. Us girls didn't have to worry about the boys all night. As for Bella, PJ, Miracle and I we enjoyed a quiet evening watching re-runs of Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place. Well, Bella was watching, Miracle was asleep in her bed and PJ and I were trying to play cards but Pig-Pen kept walking through the game. I felt bad, having to put her in her kennel but it was needed in order to play our game.
Mom wanted all the younger kids in bed by nine. She didn't care how late me, Eric and Hunter stayed up, just as long as we were up and had the kids dressed and ready for breakfast. Once my brothers and sisters were out cold, Eric, Hunter and I played poker.
"So how bad is it in your car?" I asked, dealing out the cards.
"Not so bad now that DJ was voted out. Bella, however, is no picnic. I love that we have the in car DVD system, but if I have to watch one more Barbie movie I am going to walk home," Hunter teased.
"Did I not tell you to take all the music off your Ipod and put as many movies as you could instead?" Eric told his brother. "If you had done that you wouldn't have to watch Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses."
"Or you both could have been smart and taken your laptops to Adam for an uber battery upgrade," I had to add.
"It's a little hard to get Adam to do favors for us since we're not exactly his favorite people," Eric said.
"I told you not to do that," I reprimanded.
Long story short, Adam had got them first for Halloween last year. So to get Adam back they ditched school and filled Adam's car with thousands of Skittles. Adam was not very pleased and took his complaint to Uncle Don. He made the boys clean and detail Adam's car by hand. Even after the amazing job they did on the car, Adam was still not happy. Thus the reason why he refuses, to a point, to offer favors to the Flack boys.
After I managed to take the boys for a good deal of their spending money, I bid them goodnight. I took my shower and climbed into the bed I was sharing with PJ. I felt bad and let Pig-Pen out of her kennel and she slept up on the bed between PJ and I.
And the suckiest part about this whole thing, we haven't even made it to our first destination yet. Keep with me, readers. The first and most likely last Messer-Flack Family Cross-Country Road Trip Will continue with our two days in Washington DC. With luck, planning and a heap of begging on my part, I may talk Mom into letting Eric, Hunter and I take our own tour of the capital. I can only hope. If I survive, this is going to make the best "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" paper ever!
Taylor Lindsay Messer