Title: Doing the Right Thing
Author: SomewhereBeyondReality
Rating: K
Summary: "Why would I be jealous? I'm an engaged woman with my future set and she's what? A single twenty-something living in the city struggling to figure life out?" Rachel's thoughts on her meeting with Monica in 'TOW the Flashback'. Preseries. Monica/Rachel friendship and, if you squint, Pre Mondler.
Disclaimer: Hi Marta Kauffmen here, I got sick of writing for millions of viewers and making a fortune so turned to fanfiction. Hope you enjoy!
A/N: I'm now addicted to two things: 1) Preseries Mondler friendship and 2) Observations of Mondler from other characters. This fic combines both, but is more about Rachel and her decisions before the series. In particular her situation in TOW the Flashback. It's funny because I don't really like the character of Rachel, (she's definitely my least favourite friend) but she is an interesting character and is easiest to write observing Mondler.
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I don't know why I talked to Monica. What did I want from her? Reassurance? Comfort that I'm doing the right thing? Reminiscing about the fun we used to have?
Of course I didn't get any of that. But talking to her reminded me what it's like to have honest friends. She was honest even without saying anything, opinions shimmering in her eyes. She's irritated with me for bragging about my engagement. She disapproves of my lifestyle. She was honest even if it wasn't with words.
My 'friends' now aren't like that. They're like porcelain dolls: China and cold with glassy eyes and painted smiles that hide everything. They'll parrot what you want and respond how you'd like but never say anything themselves.
Seeing Monica was like seeing a flesh and blood girl skipping past them. Rolling her eyes, leaping off the bar stool and snarking about my ridiculous ring. Sarcastic. Independent. Opinionated. Real.
God, even if she doesn't have a boyfriend, she looks happy. (I told her that was ok to be single and I sounded patronising but she doesn't know I actually meant it).
Because it is ok not to have someone. God knows I wish I didn't have someone sometimes. When I'm lying next to Barry and he's snoring and all I have to look forward to in our relationship is flower arrangements and dinner parties...I wouldn't mind not having anyone.
But I'm happy. Really. I'm engaged to a wonderful man and he's got an amazing house and I'm all set to be Mrs Barry Farber. That's why I showed Monica the ring. So she could be happy for me.
Why would I be jealous of her? I haven't been jealous of Monica since she lost weight and suddenly was competition for guys rather than an avid observer. (I never told her that). But why would I be jealous now? I'm an engaged woman with my future set and she's what? A single twenty-something living in the city struggling to figure it out?
Her dad's told me about her job as a chef and living in her nana's apartment and her roommate and friend across the hall. I guess it sounds like fun...if you like those things.
I guess Monica likes those things because she's always goes for what she wants. Whether it's losing weight or acing a test or getting into culinary school. She never lets anyone stop her from living her dreams. Of course when we were younger we planned those dreams together: Exploring the world, striking out on our own, living in the big city, making friends, looking for our perfect men...
So good for her for doing all that! Now I've walked away I watch her hanging out with Ball Guy. (The awkward guy who was at our table before). They look happy together: Messing around, joking, teasing each other. At first I thought they were 'together' together' but she said she wasn't seeing anyone so I guess they're just friends. Close friends. (The guy looks kind of familiar, but I can't remember where from).
From what he's saying I think they're neighbours. They're talking about having a movie night or something and inviting Phoebe and Ross. Ross, Monica's brother? Who knows?
I watch Monica laugh at something Ball Guy says and shove him playfully and he slings an arm round her shoulder. I wonder what it's like to have close friends like that. I imagine living in the city and hanging out in bars (though they're saying it's converting into a coffee shop) and having movie nights. And I'm thinking back to the porcelain doll analogy like I'm the doll inside a glass cabinet and I'm watching Monica and Ball Guy run outside and I want to join in but I can't because god dammit its safer inside the cabinet.
We leave the bar and I drive off. And even as I imagine having my one last fling with Ball Guy, Monica invades my thoughts. I know she'll think me marrying Barry is stupid. And I know why she'll think that and it isn't because she's jealous. (She's got an apartment and a job and a city and Ball Guy and her friends and brother and a whole life ahead of her. Why would she want my empty plans?) She'll disapprove because she knows I'm making a mistake.
But I can't deal with this right now. My path is sorted and doubting, questioning, examining it, is a bad idea.
So I won't meet with Monica for lunch, and I won't invite her to the wedding. Not because she doesn't know me well enough but because she knows me too well. Everyone else can watch me walk up that aisle and be happy for me. But she can't. She won't hide her opinion, and I know if she comes I'll look at her and imagine her life in New York and I don't want that image. I'm not like her, I'm not cut out for work and adventure and forging my own way and movie nights and playing pool with my friends. I'm meant for safety and comfort. And Barry can give me that.
I'm doing the right thing. I know I am.
X-X
A year later I burst into the bar-turned-coffee shop and find her again.
She introduces Ross (yes her brother) and Chandler ('Ball Guy' who, now he's shaved off his horrible goatee I'm pretty sure is Ross's College roommate, the one who called Monica fat and got his toe cut off in thanks. God knows how she ended up best friends with him) and Phoebe and Joey.
And I look around at the five of them, and even while I'm freaking out about Barry and Mr Potato Head and Daddy's reaction, I remember our meeting at the bar.
I realize what I wanted from Monica that night. I didn't want reassurance I was doing the right thing. I wanted reassurance to do the wrong thing. And as weird and quirky as she and her friends are, maybe this is exactly where I'll find it.
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A/N: And there we go! As always review! If you're a writer you know how happy that makes you feel.