Chapter 1

Something happened in that moment, I don't really know exactly what it was, I just somehow knew we had connected. I will not acknowledge it like that freaking mating bond everyone is talking about, however strange the feeling was. Like something had awakened within me, somehow my fire burned more fiercely, if that is even possible. Cassian had an uncanny spell over me, ever since the beginning, even when I hated what I've become.

I still do not adore being High Fae, but I grew accustomed to it on the last year. The force I held deep inside, all that well of power that I didn't know quite where it ended and I began. The rage, the grief, it all connected somehow. Apart from my sisters and their well-being, I couldn't feel or want something during those months. I read and read and cared for Elain, and tried to get my life to be meaningful even tough I despised it. It wasn't until studying with Amren and having a purpose that my mind changed.

The change was not clear, or sudden, yet seeing the court of dreams unveil in front of me, what Feyre had there, with her mate, with the inner circle, at Velaris… my heart started to warm up somehow. Nonetheless, it wasn't until the last battle with Hybern that everything altered, upside down. My father's death right when I was looking into his eyes, the plea, the love. He was not a good father for us after our mom passed, yet he did come over it towards the end. But what can I say? I wasn't a very good sister for Feyre either, she lacked my love.

And then there was the power, unleashed, right after my dad's neck was snapped by that brute, unforgiving, little piece of shit of a man. I didn't quite understand my power, if I had, maybe I could have prevented the death of my father, the almost death of Cassian.

Well, Cassian. There it goes again. I was so stubborn, had I trained with him all those months before I might have managed to yield this raw power with more consciousness, bend it to my will, and not just discharge it, fulled by my anger and sorrow aimlessly. He almost died because I was so pigheaded, so narrow-minded. If it wasn't for Elain, sweet and calm Elain, we both might be dead. And how I loved to use truth-teller on that filth's neck, cutting through the veins, the muscles, the skin. I could have bathed in his blood and made a party out of it.

Except the most amazing part of it all was, when I finally realised he was gone from the earth, with no more harm to relinquish, no more friends or family to destroy, I actually just wanted to see where Cassian was, how badly injured he had been and if the thread of life was still connected to those wonderful, ravenous dark eyes. The most amazing part was that kiss. That was the moment when everything changed.

The library was my sanctuary, the stacks of books were my fortress, all used up at their maximum for my protection. When I woke up this morning I realised I did not want to be protected anymore, because I was not protecting myself from the outer world. I was protecting myself from me. So I closed my book, some human romance I found in one of the wrecked rooms in my father's state southward, I drank up the remaining of my cold cup of tea and left my stronghold.

It was almost supper time, so I'd probably find who I was searching for sitting on the armchair, lounging in the House of Winds living room, looking all presumptuous and with that smirk on his face when he figured out I wanted to talk to him. The whole problem was I have been avoiding him since that day, that kiss after that battle, months ago, I was still afraid to face my fears and my feelings.

Cassian was indeed just as I expected he would be, watching me with those raven eyes, not moving his face or his body as he accompanied my coming down the stairs. I walked to him, in a slow, but steady pace. I couldn't back down, not now that I've made up my mind. I came to a halt in front of him, coughed to clear out my throat and asked with the most brave voice I could've mustered:

— Cassian, does your offer to train me still stands?

He seemed a bit hesitant with my question, yet I saw how his muscles relaxed after I finished my say and stared back at him with ease.

— Well, yes, Nesta. — He said with a annoyingly perfect poker face — Why do you ask?

— Don't be an ass about it, — my sister's mate, Rhysand, has just walked in through the nearest door — if she asked you that, she certainly wants it.

— I don't need you to be my spokesman, Rhysand. — I told him with a snarl. He chuckled and continued walking, just as he said through my mind "I know, it's just so good to taunt you two", and vanished up the stairs.

Cassian had his eyes back to me, scanning whatever it is he wanted to see in me. I stared back at him for a minute before I got anxious and snapped back at him:

— Well? Are you going to answer or will you continue to research the origin of the silk from which my dress is made?

He regarded me with that incredulous look and I swear I saw his lips smile a bit before he put on that mask of tediousness he wore whenever he wanted to hide something.

— Tomorrow at dawn. — he answered at last, getting up from where he was and started walking to the kitchen. He paused in the middle of the way, gave me a once-over and said as he was disappearing through the arch of the hallway — And, please, Nesta, do wear pants.