Hi guys, it's been a while!
While I'm not very into writing for Vocaloid anymore, I am still writing!
So I hope you enjoy part 1 of this little parody involving our favourite YouTube gamers :D
"OMG whaaaaat? You want me to go into the… the thing with the mouth in the dessert?!" PewDiePie asked excitedly.
"It's called a desert," Mysterious Looking Guy muttered, "And yes, I do want you to go in there. You're the only one that can."
"It's because I'm fabulous right? Only fab people can go into dessert caves," PewDiePie grinned.
"… Sure. Now go. I want that genie lamp!" Mysterious Looking Guy yelled, kicking Pewds out into the desert.
Once Pewds had thoroughly flown through the air and landed in the desert, he jumped up to his feet to admire the huge cave towering over him. "Look at that Edgar! It looks just like your butthole! "
Edgar ignored the comment and tried to jump up into PewDie's face. "Stop it Edgar, we have a lamp to retrieve!"
The Youtuber and dog descended into the hot dessert (desert!) cave. There were many treasures that the world could only dream of getting their hands on; like five million subscribers for only twenty five dollars. Alas, Pewds could not be tempted because he was too fabulous. The same could not be said for Edgar, but PewDiePie kept him away from the obvious spam.
They finally reached the end of the cave to see a shiny gold lamp placed ominously in a single ray of light that realistically wouldn't be visible since they were too far underground. Not to mention that it was dark outside.
"Edgar, it's the lamp!" Pewds pointed out obviously for anyone that hadn't noticed that the lamp was described in the previous paragraph, "Wait- why are we getting this again? Mysterious Looking Guy didn't even promise to give us stuff…." He shrugged and decided to take the lamp anyway.
Once the lamp was in his hands the cave started to shake. At first Pewds had thought he had done something wrong until he noticed Edgar falling for the golden spam littered throughout the cave. In truth, poor Edgar only wanted to gain more subscribers for his YouTube channel so he could finally overcome his biggest rival, ianthecutecat. However, PewDiePie knew all too well that the spam was only a trap. Because Edgar didn't know this, the cave crumbled away, trapping the YouTuber and his dog inside with no hope of escape at all.
"Edgar! We're trapped now thanks to you!" Pewds reiterated for the sake of readers that didn't have the attention span to read long-ish paragraphs, "We're going to die here and people are going to unsub from my channel! All thanks to you and this stupid lamp!" PewDie hurled the lamp against some fallen rock and started to mope about their current problem. Edgar only facepalmed/pawed about his owner's terrible memory about the fact that he had been told the lamp was a genie lamp not even an hour before.
The lamp began to pour white smoke from the spout, it starting to take shape behind PewDiePie's back. Edgar started to jump up into Pewd's face to try getting his attention.
"What? What is it Edgar?" Pewds asked, annoyed. He turned around to see a white smoky figure coming out the lamp.
When fully formed the figure only said, "Ouch."
"It's a genie Edgar! We're gonna be rich!" PewDiePie screeched.
"Um… Yeah, hi. You could have been rich, but you threw me against a rock, man. So have a nice life," the genie said, disappearing back inside the lamp.
"But Cry you're supposed to save me!" PewDiePie whined.
Cry's face poked out from the spout, "Well first off, you're supposed to not know my name. You gotta let things happen like they're supposed to. And secondly, I don't have to save you because you aren't following the story. Capiche?"
"Okay fine, genie, I'll follow the story," Pewds muttered. He snatched up the lamp from where he had flung it and rubbed it vigorously.
Cry shot out from the lamp laughing hysterically, "Stop it! That tickles!"
"Tell me your name so we can get on with this! It's stupid," PewDie grumbled.
"You know what? Just forget it. You ruined the ambiance," Cry said, "So you're going to wish to get out of here, right?"
"Nope," Pewds answered, "We're just going to stay right here: You, me, and Edgar. We'll just be living the dream." He reclined backwards uncomfortably on a rock, trying his best to look at ease despite that Edgar was jumping up and licking his face.
Cry stared blankly at Pewds, "No. Nope, nope, nope. This is not going to be a thing. You have to leave the cave otherwise this won't be 'Aladdin' but it'll just be 'PewDiePie, Edgar, and Genie Cry in a Cave.' No one will read this shit. No one.'
"They're reading it now, aren't they?" PewDiePie choked out, trying his best to fend off Edgar's aggressive licking.
Cry shook his head, "No they aren't." In a poof of white smoke the three where no longer in the cave but out in the desert once more.
Pewds leaped for joy, "Ha! Genius Pewds strikes again! I tricked you into a free wish!"
"No you didn't. You were going to make that wish anyway. I'm just speeding things along," Cry countered.
"So much for following the story, Cry. What about the ambiance, hm? The immersion?" PewDiePie berated.
"Whatever, man. Make your second wish already," Cry ushered.
"Fine. I wish for-"
"No."
"Why not?!" Pewds exclaimed.
"It doesn't follow the story."
"I wish for-"
"No."
"For-"
"Nope."
"For-!"
"Nope-ity."
"FOR-"
"I don't think so."
"FOR-!"
"No! You sit there and you think about what really matters!"
"But I thought-"
"MLG doesn't matter, man."
"Fine," PewDiePie grumbled, "What matters then?"
"Princess Ken," Cry said.
"Why?" Pewds asked, "Oh wait, let me guess."
Pewds mimicked Cry behind his back as Cry answered, "For the sake of the story."
"Uh, what's the point of having a genie if they're just going to tell you what to do?" Pewds complained, "At least Princess Ken has a nice beard. Let's go."
"Yeah… About that," Cry muttered, pushing his pointer fingers together, "You don't have a magic carpet so… Have fun walking."
"What?! Fo' fucks sake I'm not walking through the dessert! I'll die!" PewDiePie whined.
"Yeah… yeah you would," Cry disappeared back into his lamp.
Pewds shoved his hand into the lamp and snatched up Cry, forcing him out the lamp. "Teleport me! This is the one thing I actually want! Grant my wish!"
"Fine. This wish will be a free trial," Cry said, snapping his fingers. In an instant the trio appeared just outside the city only that Pewds was decked out in princely get up and Edgar still looked like Edgar.
"What do you think of Cry's genie service?" Cry asked, "It's pretty good, right?"
"It sucks. I'm supposed to look fabulous and Edgar is ruining it," PewDiePie huffed, "Look at him."
The two looked down at Edgar who was happily rolling around in the sand. He noticed the two looking down at him and jumped up excitedly, attempting to lick Pewds face. PewDiePie tried fending him off while Cry just observed the two.
"I see. Well how about this," he snapped his fingers, turning Edgar into a tiger.
Edgar, realizing his new size, took the opportunity to attack Pewds with aggressive licking. PewDie screamed as he was knocked off his feet, yelling "Deutchland!"
Once he was able to fend off tiger Edgar for the time being, he turned to Cry, "Why did you make him a tiger?!"
"I like cats," Cry mused.
Pewds grumbled to himself and walked into the city, Edgar following after him. He carried the lamp in his mouth that Cry had conveniently disappeared into.
PewDiePie strutted down the city streets that were bustling with early morning shoppers. Very few of them noticed Pewds which drove him to try to up his game.
"Wassup bros? Brofiiiiiist~" Pewds shouted, holding his fist out to a man passing by. The man looked at him curiously and hastened his pace to get away.
"Where you going bro?" Pewds pestered, following after him, "Don't you want a bro fist?"
Cry watched the exchange from inside his lamp, face palming at Pewds antics. At this rate PewDiePie seemed more like some sort of harasser than a prince. In efforts to salvage Pewds reputation, Cry sent up a flurry of fireworks into the air. It seemed that was all that was necessary, as the city people were quickly distracted by the exploding lights. They cheered Pewds down the street and up to the palace doors of Princess Ken.
Pewds kicked open the door, "Oh Princess Keeeeeeeeen, where are you?"
At the end of the throne room was a black leather boss chair that had a huge draping green screen behind it. Seated in the seat was a bearded man wearing an airy pink outfit focused intently on a computer situated on a desk in front of him. The princess made no effort to look up and continued clicking his mouse rapidly.
"Princess Keeeeeeeeeeeen~!" Pewds screeched as he ran through the throne room towards the princess. He only finally got the princess's attention when he tripped over the power cord to his computer, rendering the princess's computer powerless.
"Noo! I was 45 seconds into that session and I didn't get an auto save!" Princess Ken yelled, "Who dared to disrupt my game of Cookie Clicker?!"
PewDiePie looked up from the floor sheepishly, "I did. But I wanted to see you Princess Ken!"
Ken stared at Pewds flashing puppy dog eyes before saying, "Guards!"
"Nope nope nope nope," Pewds ran from the throne room with Edgar the tiger prancing after him, genie lamp in tow.
Ken looked at the place that Pewds had previously occupying and shook his head, "What a weirdo."
"Indeed," said Mysterious Looking Guy, stepping from the shadows, "Perhaps it was a murder attempt?"
"Well he murdered my game so I'd say he succeeded," Ken grumbled, "Who was that anyway?"
"A terrorist probably," Mysterious Looking Guy answered, "Maybe a psychotic murderer."
"Hm…" Ken contemplated, stroking his beard in thought. As he did he could vaguely hear 'Murder, murder, murder' tickling his thoughts. Particularly his right thoughts if that was even possible. He looked to his right to see Mysterious Looking Guy whispering in his ear before they walked away as though nothing had happened.