He took another drink but it wasn't enough. He was drinking so much more lately. He never felt that he had to before. When he felt like he needed a drink it would have had to have been in a really bad place. But now it was constant. The bartender snored lightly next to him. He didn't know or remember what his name was and he didn't care. It was so much easier with men. You could just leave in the morning, no commitment. And that's why he figured he preferred them. That's probably why he'd only been taken home by men lately. That and...

He wasn't sure why he was picking up the phone. Maybe he just needed to talk. He knew what he wanted to say, but figured he wouldn't have to. Maybe she would just know. She couldn't expect him to be coherent anyway at the moment. He dialed he cell with shaking fingers. As it rang he reassured himself that it was just for clarity. She answered on the third ring. He had an afterthought that maybe it wasn't the smartest to be calling her since any number could be tracked. But it didn't really matter now.

"Gwen. I had to call. I thought of a thing." He punched himself mentally for his vague wording.

"Are you drunk?"

"A little. You?" More than a little. He was somewhat grateful for the small talk.

"Some of us have to work." He raised his eyebrows, almost forgetting that they had any work at all, and somewhat shaming himself for taking a selfish night when he should have been helping her. But he couldn't do everything all the time. "Your turn to talk."

"I know..." He didn't know how to phrase what he was trying to say, but he made an attempt. "I was thinking... About how you're immortal. And I'm dying. And what I wanted to say was... We're good aren't we? You and me? Good team? I missed you." He needed reassurance. All of the time he had spent away he couldn't stop worrying about what had happened to her and Rhys. They were the only ones left. And if they weren't a good enough team by themselves-

"I was thinking um... If this had happened a bit sooner-"

"I know." He prayed that she wouldn't say it. He knew what was coming. It was the reason he had left. But even more so, the reason he had to come back. It was all he could think about in all of this. The 'What if" questions.

"He'd still be here. Ianto."

He closed his eyes, as if trying to shut out his thoughts. He had thought of him so many times. Screamed his name over and over as he replayed his body falling into his arms, his ghost walking into the rift... She could never know. Six months away from Earth an he still couldn't run far away enough from himself.

"As far as I can see, you got all your staff killed!"
"They were my friends."
"Yeah, dead friends!"

"Dead friend." It was the simplest way to answer, but his voice was still shaky as he said it. So many had died because of him.

"I'm sorry."

"I wish he was here now." The truth was out, the drinks ending his suppression. She had to know how much it was still affecting him. He had tried to get him back twice now. But it didn't take the sting away from wishing he could still be here. "Not much of a team is it? But we've still got each other. You and me. Just like the old days. We don't need anyone do we? We don't need Rex-"

She didn't respond.

"We don't need anyone? Right Gwen?"

Still no response. He needed her to say it. They didn't need anyone. They were fine on their own. Rex and Esther... letting them in would just let Tosh and Owen... and Ianto go. He couldn't replace them. Not yet.

"Gwen?"

Please respond. Please tell him they'll be fine. That they can handle this.

"Gwen?"

The tone sounded as the other phone hung up.