I just adore that stupid MTV dating show, Parental Control. So I started to twist it into Twilight. It was brilliant, but I'm in a random and hyper mood, henceforth this instead of the brilliant one I had planned out. I decided to break the chapters up by commercial break. And I know that everyone is OOC, I did that on purpose! So anyway, please, please, please let me know what you think, and review! But don't be too harsh. That's just unnecessary.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Parental Control, or Michael Kelso from That 70s Show. Or the little girl who fell off of her bike. Because then I would be a kidnapper.

--

Rose Tyler

Charlie: Hi, my name is Charlie, and this is my ex-wife, Renee.

Renee: [Smiles]

Announcer: This is their daughter Bella. [Shows Bella dancing around,acting cutesy] She is dating Edward, and they've been going strong for seven months now. She thinks that they are destined to be--

Bella: We are!

Announcer: Shut the fuck up and let me finish, would you???

Bella: Sorry.

Announcer: Thank you. [Clears throat] --but Mom and Dad disagree--

Renee: I don't. I think that Edward is good for Bella. Charlie is the one who "disagrees".

Charlie: Well I don't like him.

Renee: Well--

Announcer: What is it with this family??? It is my turn to talk!

Renee: We aren't a family!

Charlie: Well we used to be, but then somebody had to run off to Arizona--

Renee: I wasn't happy here!

Charlie: Well--

Announcer: For the love of God!

Charlie and Renee: Sorry…

Announcer: If you think this is going to be hard for Bella, think how hard this is going to be for boyfriend Edward, who has to sit on the couch with her parents watching his girlfriend go out on a date with two other guys that they approve of. At the end of the day Bella will have to chose whether to continue dating Edward, or one of the new guys her parents have set her up with.

[Switch scenes to Bella sitting on her bed]

Bella: Hi, I'm Bella, and my boyfriend Edward is sweet, charming, handsome, smart, and a vamp--very… person…

Random camera lady: And isn't he rich?

Bella: [Looking confused] Yes…

Random camera lady: Oh, sweetheart, pick him!

Director: Denise, shut the fuck up and let the kid talk! DAMN! YOU'RE FIRED!

Announcer: see? See-- what I… these people… work with… ugh!

Director: Yeah, dude, I totally know what you mean.

Bella: [giving both "wtf" looks]

[Switches scenes back to the living room, where Charlie and Renee sit]

Charlie: This kid is just too good to be true! Handsome, rich, polite… [shows Edward rubbing his chin, walking down the street, helping a little girl who had fallen off of a bike]

Renee: wouldn't kill you to be any of those things.

Charlie: Bitch, shut the fuck up!

[Bella can be heard sobbing off in another room, Edward can be seen running after her]

Renee: Oh, now look what you did!

[Switches scenes to interview room, Charlie and Renee sitting in twin chairs]

[Mike Newton walks in]

Mike: Hey, I'm Mike.

Charlie: We know… we've known you since you were a baby, Mike.

Edward: Aaw, hell naw, not him again!

Charlie: Edward, shut up, we're supposed to be pretending that this is an actual room, not just four fake walls set up in a studio with some random ugly furniture thrown inside of it!

[Silence from other side of the wall]

Renee: So Mike, what are your hobbies?

Mike: If I win this, your daughter.

Kelso: BUUURN!

Charlie: What the fuck? This isn't That 70s Show! [Turns to Mike] What the hell is that supposed to mean??? [Stands up, throws chair at Mike, Mike runs screaming like a little girl]

[Next interview]

[Tyler walks in]

Charlie: You almost killed our daughter with your van! Haven't you head of chains? Salt? You can't date her! [Throws table]

[Next interview]

[Jessica walks in]

Renee: Um… Sweetheart… our daughter is straight.

Jessica: Oh, yeah, so am I.

Renee: Then why are you here?

Jessica: I just like the attention. Me me me! … What was I talking about?

Renee: Honey, go home.

[Jessica walks out of room]

Charlie: Where's Jacob? Jacob needs to try out. I want him with Bella!

[Jacob is sitting at home with Embry and Quil. "Dude, wtf?" he says. "This show is lame as hell. Let's watch something else. I don't want to date his little skank-wad ugly-ass daughter"]

[Switches scenes back to studio, ahem, I'm sorry, interview "room"]

Edward: Damn werewolf…

Charlie: Shut up!

Renee: What?

Edward: I said… nice weather we're having today.

Charlie: I will kill you…

[next interview]

[Mike walks in (again)]

Charlie: I just told you to get out!

Mike: I'm sorry!

Renee: Oh, Charlie, let him have a go. All right, so Mike, Bella loves to read. What is your favourite book?

Mike: …Book…?

[Charlie grabs chair, Mike runs out screaming like a little girl again]

Edward: Shut up, Nancy! [Drop kicks out the door]

[next interview]

[Eric walks in, shakes hands with Charlie and Renee]

Renee: Good morning.

Eric: good morning!

Renee: So Eric, what talents do you have?

Eric: I'm very good with computer programming and calculus and trigonometry and science. And I play a wicked game of Dungeons and Dragons. Zenith Force Wizard Power!

Charlie: What the hell did he just say?

Renee: I don't know…

Charlie: Bella loves to read. What is your favourite book?

Eric: Twelfth grade calculus text book. [snorts] Dur…

Renee: So Eric, why should we pick you to date our daughter?

Eric: Because…she's a girl, I've never… dated…. A girl.

Charlie: Get OUT! Loser! [Throws chair, breaks Erics neck, Medics run in]

Announcer: Oh… shit! Um… we'll be back to you right after this break!

Renee: Are there really no more boys in this town?

Charlie: Not that was mentioned in the books.

Renee: [sigh]

[Commercial music comes on, which sounds coincidentally like "Pretty Fly for a White Guy"]