Title: Of Space Cowboys and Red Pills
Pairing: None, gen. (unless you squint)
Characters: John, Rodney, Team, mentions of a certain Czech.
Rating: K+
Word Count: around 1500.
Warning: Keanu Reeves fans be wary.
Spoilers: for casting in upcoming movies...
Author's Note: So this little thing started with a conversation between my sister and I. I, unfortunately, was the Rodney/Zelenka of the situation. (but so were my brother and brother-in-law, so hah!) Mentions movies that have yet to be released, or are newly released, but there aren't any spoilers... it's a quicky fic, and un-beta'd aside from me. Anyone wanna be a sporadic beta?
Summary: "Zelenka's in an uproar again." John sighs. "What's it over this time?" "Cowboy Bebop."

Of Space Cowboys and Red Pills

"Whaoh." -Keanu Reeves

"Ugh, I can't believe they're really going to do this!"

The couch pushes back alarmingly with the force of Rodney's descent. For a second John knows how a sling-shot feels.

'Not awesome' seems an accurate description.

"Who's doing what again?" He asks once he's sure that there is no danger of becoming part of a make-shift trebuchet in the near future.

"What, you mean you haven't heard?" John blinks once and his left eyebrow dips in the beginnings of a sarcastic comeback, but before he can finish drawing in a breath Rodney continues, "You seriously need to check your mail more often. You still haven't gotten the one about Doctor Chavez in biology planning to shave your hair and sell it to a research facility have you?"

Definitely needed to check his e-mail more often.

And avoid the biology department for a while.

He leans back into the lumpy couch and settles himself again to re-prepare for Ronon and Teyla's arrival. "Nope, so what's the dillio?"

"You apparently haven't gotten the memo on outdated slang either." Rodney sighs as he leans over to steal a popcorn from the pre-prepared Teyla Bowl. "Zelenka's in an uproar again." And promptly shoves the piece in his mouth.

John sighs. "What's it over this time?"

Once a month, it seemed, Radek was furious about one thing or another; staging strikes and campaigns and other events that scientists under his command were forced to attend. (Rodney's lackeys ended up going too, but that was only because Rodney wanted to avoid Czech Mutiny.)

"Cowboy Bebop." Rodney wipes his hands down John's left arm, successfully freeing himself from incriminating butter fingers. John glares at the hands before he gives Rodney an uncomprehending look. "Cowboy Bebop?" Rodney repeats, "The anime?" Rodney gives him the look John likes to call the "C'mon boy, don't be an idiot boy, that's a good idiot!" look.

Woolsey gets that look a lot.

"The one with the spaceships?" Inwardly, John flinches at the stupid question.

"Yes, John," the patronizing is thick and creamy, "the one with the spaceships." He rolls his eyes for the full effect.

John manages to not stick his tongue out at him.

"It seems they're going to make a live action film of it. Radek was psyched 'til a few hours ago when the SGC checked in. Apparently he has nothing better to do than check IMDB while he's supposed to be working." John can see the little hamsters in Rodney's head already thinking up more duties for the poor little Czech. "You'll never guess who they cast as Spike."

John shrugs. He probably wouldn't.

"Keanu Reeves." Rodney spits the name out like acid and his face squints up like he's eaten a sour Maloona from P4X-927.

John blinks once before the beginning of a smile starts to form. He pats himself on the back for his restraint.

"Oh don't even think about it! This has been a horrible experience for me! It's not an all important thing to me, but I mean, I'm stuck in that stupid lab with that crazy foreign otaku," which John thinks is sort of redundant for a Canadian to say, "and all day he keeps whining, whining, blah, blah, blah! Really! Not a minute went by! I mean, I understand, Keanu isn't exactly a… well, a skilled actor, but it's not worth all the suffering I've been through!"

"They shoulda picked someone cooler." John steals a piece of popcorn too, hoping Teyla isn't about to walk through the door. "Someone with a laid back personality, funny jokes at inappropriate times, admittedly cool hair... Ya know, an actor who can pull all that off."

"You mean you?" The look he's giving John gives him the impression that it's not a sincere suggestion.

"Or someone similar to me. Ya know, like Brad Pitt." He licks his fingers before wiping them on Rodney, just because he loves the look it earns and the indignant squawk that fills the air.

"Oh please, spare me. You as Spike I can see, but can we tone down the ego just a bit?" Pot, kettle, "Besides," he pauses, "Brad's been looking a little old lately."

"Yeah, especially in Burn Before Reading."

"Mmm," Rodney breathes out, "but that was a pretty funny movie."

"Oh, Yeah."

They both clear their throats awkwardly before pretending that conversation had never happened.

"So if I'm Spike, who does that make you?"

"Well Ed of course. As much as I protest having to compare myself to a girl, she is a pretty awesome girl."

John has to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. If Rodney is Ed that makes Zalenka Ein. And boy did that description do justice: the small, yapping hairball shadowing the eccentric, loud-mouth genius.

"I suppose that would make Teyla Faye." Rodney continues, as he pulls out a Crunch bar and begins nibbling on it. The nerve…

"So, what? Ronon is Jet? I dunno, I just don't see that one." He breaks off the bottom piece as Rodney clamps his jaws down on the upper half.

Rodney shoots him a glare, "Admittedly not many similarities, but Ronon can make a mean dinner. Did you taste that stuff he made on Telipp? De-licious."

"Yeah, it was pretty good…" He leans back into the couch, facing the hanging screen, "So who're Juliet and Vicious?"

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Rodney's smile wane. They both know the answer to that. Elizabeth and Ford's smiling faces pop into his mind before he can stop them.

Rodney doesn't answer though, and they move on as if it never happened. That's one of the things he loves about talking to Rodney.

"I just can't believe they'd make The One into Spike. It just doesn't work. I can see him as Klaatu, because, well, he's good at that emotionless thing, unintentional as it may be, but Spike?" He sighs a life-weary sigh, "You realize I'm going to be hearing shit about this until 2011, right?

"Just wait until he hears about Star Trek being remade by J.J. Freaking Abrams. You can only keep that hidden from him for so long, ya know."

"Yes well, whoever tells him will suffer the consequences. That includes you, you know." Sheppard keeps an innocent expression on his face as Rodney glares. (Well, he tries to at least.)

"I don't think it'll be all that bad. I mean, he's a descent actor… I suppose." He knows he's making that face all his ex-girlfriends used to hate, but he can't stop himself. Rodney brings out the best in him.

"In comparison to what?" The look John receives has had to have had ex-girlfriends hating it too. Ah, to be in like company…

"Well, I'm not completely sure yet, but," he bites the inside of his cheek, "he knows kung-fu."

Rodney has the look of "blasphemer!" they often see on Pegasus locals. "Oh you didn't. Please tell me you didn't just say that."

He can't help it. The grin breaks free from the hold of his teeth. "I did." Toothy and bright: he can see the smoke rise from Rodney's head.

"Did what?" Ronon asks, and despite the fun he was having, he's kind of glad there's a large man to dodge behind if Rodney's head does finally decide to combust.

John looks up to Ronon's haloed face with the traitorous grin still on his face, "Oh, nothin'."

"Oh! 'nothin'' my ass! This means war, ya know!" Rodney's practically shouting directly in his ear, but with McKay that's just part of the fun.

John's grin fits firmly in place as Rodney continues on a spiel about Switzerland, but John doesn't notice on account of Teyla's glaring between her popcorn bowl and the two men on the couch and John's trying to look everywhere but in her direction. (Even though it's not possible for her to have noticed only two pieces missing… right?)(And oh god, does he smell like butter!?)But they eventually all settle on the couch, with Teyla next to Sheppard and Ronon next to her.

Ronon rumbles something that might have been "What're we watchin'?" from his prone position on the couch, so John smiles a wicked smile and reaches for the remote on the table.

He pretends not to notice the way Rodney's eyes narrow at the smile or the way Teyla's nostrils flared when his left arm crossed her on its route to the table.

"The Matrix." he states as he pushes back against the couch and wills the lights to dim off.

Rodney let's a groan from deep within rip from his throat and throws his head back dramatically; the shuffling of popcorn tries to cover a deep sigh from his right; a snort reverberates through the couch to greet his spine, and he sees a large thumbs-up appear from the top of Teyla's head.

"Seriously. War." Rodney manages to grit out through his glare.

Worth it.