Author Note: I do not own the Outsiders, etc etc PLEASE R&R! Thanks!

Second Note: Set right after Ponyboy finishes writing his theme (aka the book). Starts off kind of slow, but it will get better, promise!

Chapter One: Blue Monday

As I dropped my pencil, I searched myself for the feeling. I had expected it to be there when I was done writing. I had stayed up all through the nights the past weekend and a few last week, finishing my theme. I didn't know why. It just all came rushing out of me at once like a tidal wave and I had to spill it all out or I would explode. Again, I waited for the feeling. Nothing. I'm not sure what exactly I was waiting for. Something, anything I guess. I had hoped writing my story and the story of Johnny and Dal would have been, I don't know, therapy or something. Growing up, whenever I got mad or upset about something like a Soc at school or fighting with Darry after mom and dad died, I would just write about it and I would feel somewhat better. If I didn't, I just talked to Soda about it. But I couldn't tell him about this, not this. My stomach was in knots and my head was on fire. I could hear Darry up and in the kitchen and could tell Steve was already over. Remaining at the desk, I kicked at the bed where Soda still snored.

"Hey, Soda. Time to get up. You've got work."

My weak attempts failed and just in time for Darry to come barging in, smelling of chocolate and flour. He stared at me for a moment and for a moment I almost thought worry crossed his face.

"Ponyboy? Have you been up all night?"

The sternness was back.

"Yeah. Big deal. Working on homework. Besides, I slept enough when I was sick."

"You were sick awhile ago and you can't keep pulling that card with me. Homework is important, kid, but so is sleep. Now you're going to be dozing off in class. What is up with you lately?"

Soda's yawn broke the tension before I could respond. He sleepily glanced from me to Darry.

"Well," Darry started, "if it isn't Sleeping Beauty? Up and at 'em kiddo, Steve's already here. You're going to be late for work, again. Let's go. Ponyboy, we're going to finish this discussion later, ya here?"

I didn't respond and luckily he had to get ready for work instead of press me.

By now, my brothers trusted me to get ready for and get to school on my own when they worked early. They were both gone by the time I got out of the shower. Darry had propped open the door and warned me not to be late, while Soda told me to have a good day. A large portion of me wanting badly to skip school. I was dog tired and was beginning to dislike the place. I used to love going every day and learning new things. Now it had become a chore just to push myself to leave the house each morning. The old me half-wished Darry was here to do the pushing for me. He always made sure I got to school on time, if not early. Now that I was making the trip alone, it was tempting to just now show up. I would've too, I f not for the stupid theme paper. I didn't care about the grade anymore, but I had worked my tail off on it and wasn't about to let that work go to waste. Besides, Darry would skin me for missing school, even for being late. Part of me was starting not to care. Late. Shoot. I looked at the clock and hurried out the door with nothing but my paper.

When I got home from school, I saw Darry waiting for me on the couch, my stack of school books and bag sitting beside him.

"Forget something today?" He asked before even saying hello. I always hated how Darry would do that to me. I rarely got a "hi" from him. It was usually a "you're late", "where have you been", "what were you doing" or on occasion, "how was school".

"Yeah" I mumbled, "sorry. I was just so excited about my theme paper," I lied, "guess in all the excitement I forgot my books. It's cool, don't worry, didn't need them really today, especially with the year almost over."

The lie saved my tail.

"At least you were distracted by other homework instead of your imagination as usual. Just don't do it again. We can't afford for your grades to slip."

I wanted to say "big deal", but knew I'd get my head busted open for not caring about school.

That night was the first night I had slept in a long time. I didn't know if I was more relieved or scared. I was happy to finally be in bed and relax, but knew all too well what was going to come next if I dozed off. I tried to tell myself it wouldn't happen again and to block it from my mind. I focused on nothing buck the blackness behind my e if I dozed off. I tried to tell myself it wouldn't happen again and to block it from my mind. I focused on nothing but the blackness behind my eyelids and soon I was drifting off.