This is my revenge against one, Lindsey Hedberg. All the words in the '' thingys are elvish, Sindarin if you must know. Both Lindsey & I are a bit younger than we are in this fan fic, and we've changed race, as Lindsey isn't the right age or race to be going out with a *5*0* year old hobbit, and I am definately not even CLOSE to 2,000. Oh yeah, and Frodo is very particular about his girs: they have to be SHORTER than he is. The tragic Frodo scene is quoted from 'Titanic' with alterations. My song is ALL my own. Scary, no?
Thank you to Gilraen (my skool buddy's elvish name) for being the first to R&R this, and many thanks to Liana for keeping me hyper and company throughout the time I wrote this.
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On the hill of Bag End, Frodo stands in the moonlight, the light glancing of his dark curls. Lindsey walks up the hill, bare hobbit feet knocking the silver drops of rain off the grass. She looks up at him:
"Frodo?"
"Lindsey!"
He runs to her and they kiss passionately, her hands wrapped in his curls, his hands brushing her reddish face. She could feel his warm arms enveloping her, his soft lips on the nape of her neck. She closed her eyes, basking in his affection.
An arrow whistles in the darkness, and Frodo stops kissing her. Blood begins to dribble from his lips. Lindsey screams and holds Frodo against her, her hands wrapped around his head.
"FROOOODOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The long arrow is buried three-quarters of the way in his rather pudgy hobbit flesh. The arrow is feathered with green. Forest green. Leaf green. Green-leaf.
"Perfect shot, Legolas." says a voice "One of you're best of all time, although a less than worthy target."
Lindsey looks up, tears streaming down her face. Lucie and Legolas walk out from under the shade of Bilbo's party tree. Lucie has one hand wrapped around Legolas' back, the other on his chest as she leans against him. His long, slender, elven fingers are in her blonde hair, revealing her pointed ears. ((yay!~))
"Thank you, 'nîn melethril'." he says in his clear voice
She snuggles against him. In the meanwhile Frodo's lifeblood is oozing out of his arrow wound. Lindsey stares at Lucie, hate practically wafting from her.
"Li-Lind-Lindsey?" Frodo whispers
"Yes, Frodo I'm here." she says between sobs
"I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to Legolas' father about all this.
Lindsey laughs weakly, but it sounds more like a gasp of fear. She finds his eyes in the dim light.
"I love you, Frodo." she says softly
"No...don't say your goodbyes, Lindsey. Don't you give up. Don't do it." he whispers, and chokes, blood dribbling from his mouth down his shirt.
"You're so cold" Lindsey says, staring deep into his eyes.
He ignores her concern. "You're going to get out of this...you're going to go on and you're going to make babies and watch them grow and you're going to die an old hobbit lady, warm in your bed. Not here...Not this night. Do you understand me?"
Frodo is having trouble getting breath enough to speak, Legolas' arrow might have pierced a lung. His voice is trembling with the cold which is working its way to his heart. But his eyes are unwavering.
"You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive....that you will never give up...not matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise." he pleads, blood now dripping into Lindsey's lap from the arrow wound.
"I promise!" she sobs
"Never let go!" he pleads again
"I promise, Frodo, I'll never let go."
He does not reply, but stares with empty eyes up at the stars. Lindsey wails loudly like a tortured cat and snogs the dead Frodo.
"Elbereth! It's so SAD!" Lucie says sarcastically.
Legolas gives her a noogie appreciatevly and kisses one pointy ear.
Lindsey turns around and stares at Lucie, anger burning in her eyes. With a roar like an injured bull, she charges at her and knocks her down and starts to strangle her, some of Lucie's blonde hair caught in Lindsey's death grip. The elf girl starts to choke.
"LET HER GO!!" Legolas shouts pulling Lindsey's head back by her short brown hair.
Lindsey gives Lucie's throat one last tight squeeze before releasing her. Legolas pulls Lindsey to her hairy feet and stares (a loooong way down) into her eyes.
She tries to kick Legolas' crotch, but she's to short, yet still damages the elf's kneecap.
"Ai! This thing kicks like an orc in iron boots!" he shouts
"Please, 'melethron', don't kill her." Lucie asks, "Just roll her off down the hill."
Legolas kicks her off down the top of Bag End and Lindsey Hedberg rolls off down Hobbiton Hill, to Bywater, past Sandyman's mill and into the stream with a loud splash.
"Mission accomplished, 'hervenn'. " Lucie says, getting up off the grass, now that she's got her breath back.
"Another job well done, 'bain'." Legolas agrees, and they snog passionatley for about 10 minutes and then they walk back into the woods, to live happily after in a Frodo-free Middle Earth.
Oh yes, and Lucie's younger sister Margo is a hobbit and marries Pippen (whom she will fondly call Pippen the Poo-poo) and they have a wonderful married life talking about poo-poos, wee-wees and Gandalf's fashion problems (white is so last season).((That was all Margo, and N~O~T me))
centerTHE END/center
(J.R.R. Tolkien had songs in LOTR, why can't I have one?)
Lucie's Song of Frodo's DEATH!
Oh Frodo, I'm sorry that you're dead,
I've mounted up your head,
On my mantlepiece.
Mold, I think will start to grow,
But me and Lego,
Think it's funny.
It makes a mess, your blood,
And that brain crudd,
It's kind of sad,
But really I'm quite glad,
Although poor Lindsey's sad,
And perhaps a little mad.
Stark raving mad.
It's the end of his life,
Cut his head off with a knife,
And kicked his ugly little wife,
Down past Bywater.
Me and Lego,
Kiss happily ever after
So sorry, Lindsey, Frodo,
But I know though,
That you'll meet again,
And your hearts will go on and on.
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If anyone actually wants to know what all the elvish words mean, just tell me in a review and I'll put them up. ^_^
My apal-o-gies (Blackadder fans will get that) to all the Frodo fans out there, with the exception of Lindsey, as you're going to kill me)
Thank you to Gilraen (my skool buddy's elvish name) for being the first to R&R this, and many thanks to Liana for keeping me hyper and company throughout the time I wrote this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the hill of Bag End, Frodo stands in the moonlight, the light glancing of his dark curls. Lindsey walks up the hill, bare hobbit feet knocking the silver drops of rain off the grass. She looks up at him:
"Frodo?"
"Lindsey!"
He runs to her and they kiss passionately, her hands wrapped in his curls, his hands brushing her reddish face. She could feel his warm arms enveloping her, his soft lips on the nape of her neck. She closed her eyes, basking in his affection.
An arrow whistles in the darkness, and Frodo stops kissing her. Blood begins to dribble from his lips. Lindsey screams and holds Frodo against her, her hands wrapped around his head.
"FROOOODOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The long arrow is buried three-quarters of the way in his rather pudgy hobbit flesh. The arrow is feathered with green. Forest green. Leaf green. Green-leaf.
"Perfect shot, Legolas." says a voice "One of you're best of all time, although a less than worthy target."
Lindsey looks up, tears streaming down her face. Lucie and Legolas walk out from under the shade of Bilbo's party tree. Lucie has one hand wrapped around Legolas' back, the other on his chest as she leans against him. His long, slender, elven fingers are in her blonde hair, revealing her pointed ears. ((yay!~))
"Thank you, 'nîn melethril'." he says in his clear voice
She snuggles against him. In the meanwhile Frodo's lifeblood is oozing out of his arrow wound. Lindsey stares at Lucie, hate practically wafting from her.
"Li-Lind-Lindsey?" Frodo whispers
"Yes, Frodo I'm here." she says between sobs
"I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to Legolas' father about all this.
Lindsey laughs weakly, but it sounds more like a gasp of fear. She finds his eyes in the dim light.
"I love you, Frodo." she says softly
"No...don't say your goodbyes, Lindsey. Don't you give up. Don't do it." he whispers, and chokes, blood dribbling from his mouth down his shirt.
"You're so cold" Lindsey says, staring deep into his eyes.
He ignores her concern. "You're going to get out of this...you're going to go on and you're going to make babies and watch them grow and you're going to die an old hobbit lady, warm in your bed. Not here...Not this night. Do you understand me?"
Frodo is having trouble getting breath enough to speak, Legolas' arrow might have pierced a lung. His voice is trembling with the cold which is working its way to his heart. But his eyes are unwavering.
"You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive....that you will never give up...not matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise." he pleads, blood now dripping into Lindsey's lap from the arrow wound.
"I promise!" she sobs
"Never let go!" he pleads again
"I promise, Frodo, I'll never let go."
He does not reply, but stares with empty eyes up at the stars. Lindsey wails loudly like a tortured cat and snogs the dead Frodo.
"Elbereth! It's so SAD!" Lucie says sarcastically.
Legolas gives her a noogie appreciatevly and kisses one pointy ear.
Lindsey turns around and stares at Lucie, anger burning in her eyes. With a roar like an injured bull, she charges at her and knocks her down and starts to strangle her, some of Lucie's blonde hair caught in Lindsey's death grip. The elf girl starts to choke.
"LET HER GO!!" Legolas shouts pulling Lindsey's head back by her short brown hair.
Lindsey gives Lucie's throat one last tight squeeze before releasing her. Legolas pulls Lindsey to her hairy feet and stares (a loooong way down) into her eyes.
She tries to kick Legolas' crotch, but she's to short, yet still damages the elf's kneecap.
"Ai! This thing kicks like an orc in iron boots!" he shouts
"Please, 'melethron', don't kill her." Lucie asks, "Just roll her off down the hill."
Legolas kicks her off down the top of Bag End and Lindsey Hedberg rolls off down Hobbiton Hill, to Bywater, past Sandyman's mill and into the stream with a loud splash.
"Mission accomplished, 'hervenn'. " Lucie says, getting up off the grass, now that she's got her breath back.
"Another job well done, 'bain'." Legolas agrees, and they snog passionatley for about 10 minutes and then they walk back into the woods, to live happily after in a Frodo-free Middle Earth.
Oh yes, and Lucie's younger sister Margo is a hobbit and marries Pippen (whom she will fondly call Pippen the Poo-poo) and they have a wonderful married life talking about poo-poos, wee-wees and Gandalf's fashion problems (white is so last season).((That was all Margo, and N~O~T me))
centerTHE END/center
(J.R.R. Tolkien had songs in LOTR, why can't I have one?)
Lucie's Song of Frodo's DEATH!
Oh Frodo, I'm sorry that you're dead,
I've mounted up your head,
On my mantlepiece.
Mold, I think will start to grow,
But me and Lego,
Think it's funny.
It makes a mess, your blood,
And that brain crudd,
It's kind of sad,
But really I'm quite glad,
Although poor Lindsey's sad,
And perhaps a little mad.
Stark raving mad.
It's the end of his life,
Cut his head off with a knife,
And kicked his ugly little wife,
Down past Bywater.
Me and Lego,
Kiss happily ever after
So sorry, Lindsey, Frodo,
But I know though,
That you'll meet again,
And your hearts will go on and on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If anyone actually wants to know what all the elvish words mean, just tell me in a review and I'll put them up. ^_^
My apal-o-gies (Blackadder fans will get that) to all the Frodo fans out there, with the exception of Lindsey, as you're going to kill me)