Disclaimer: Characters belong to JKR, I'm only borrowing them. `The Princess and the Pea' belongs to the Brothers Grimm, I believe, someone correct me if I'm wrong, the point is, as you already know, I own none of this.

"You'll never get to marry a prince, Nee. Face it, you're all brains and no looks. Princesses aren't supposed to be brainy, they're supposed to be beautiful- and you're certainly not!"

Princess Hermione gazed back at her sister with a hurt expression on her face. "Not all princes go after looks alone, Melissa. It's what's inside that really-"

"Yeah, right. Go find a prince who'll have you and then I'll believe that rubbish."

"Fine," Hermione replied, "I'll leave tonight. You'll see."

And so, later that evening, the lonely, saddened princess fought her way through the dense wood that surrounded her kingdom on all sides. During her journey, just as the wood was coming to an end, the clouds parted and rain started falling in sheets over her head, making her feel as if she was sitting under a waterfall. And to her left, Hermione spotted a castle. `At last!' She thought. `I have been wandering in this wood for so long, and here is somewhere I can stay for the night... or at least until the rain stops falling!' So the princess, who no longer looked regal or royal, but was soaking wet, walked up to the castle doors and knocked.

"I'll get it!" Called Prince Ron, as he walked through the entrance hall and toward the doors. He opened the doors to the castle, and to his very great surprise, found that a girl was standing before him; a girl who looked very much like a soaking wet princess. Ron showed her into the Entrance Hall and immediately called two of his best servants to him. While they were waiting, Ron discovered that the girl's name was Princess Hermione Calloway, hailing from the kingdom of Avalon, which, if he remembered his geography correctly, was located on the other side of his kingdom. Ron was beginning to like her... in that way, which was very bad, for he knew that his parents would be up to their old tricks again. Suddenly the ladies-in-waiting were there and escorting Hermione, or Mione as she had asked him to call her, to a hot bath before dinner.

As all this was taking place, Ron slipped unnoticed into the room that he knew Mione would be staying in that night. Silently and quickly he bewitched the mattresses, so that they would feel paper-thin to her, but normal to everyone else. This was his most closely guarded secret, this wizard business. He knew that his parents would NOT agree, under even the most extreme of situations. Ron really liked Mione, and he was determined to ensure that his parents' tricks would fail this time. The job completed, Ron hurried back to the main hall before he was missed.

Dinner went extremely well, judging by what usually happened when he let a girl into the palace without permission. His parents were not berating him, nor were they giving him the cold shoulder routine, for which he was extremely grateful, because that certainly would not make a good impression on Hermione. Once the meal had been devoured, the queen herself escorted Hermione to the room that Ron had secretly `helped' prepare earlier, much to his profound relief. He did not want to pull the wizard act twice in one night, not in the least since the second would have had to be done right under his mother's nose.

Next morning at breakfast when the queen asked Hermione how she had slept and was expecting to have to haul another unworthy girl out of the castle, she was most surprised. Hermione had answered, most politely, "Not at all well, I'm afraid. I felt as if I was lying on top of a bed made of boulders the whole night."

After getting over the initial shock, the queen proclaimed that Hermione was a true princess, and told Ron, much to his delight, that he could marry her if he pleased.

Ron and Hermione were married the very next day, much to Hermione's sister's utter disbelief. Unable to resist the temptation, Hermione walked up to her sister and happily said, "You see, what's on the inside really does count." Ron and Hermione lived happily ever after.

(696)

Moral: Sometimes a bed of rocks, even if it is really none but a single bewitched pea, comes in handy, especially if one's parents are exceedingly weird.