As Merlin knelt down and cried over the fallen Unicorn, he began to have serious doubts about this 'thing' that he had started with Arthur.
After months filled with angst and unhealthy obsession , Merlin had finally pounced on Arthur in Ealdor and kissed him. He wasn't quite sure what madness had come over him, to be honest. It had been late at night after a long day, Arthur had been laying down in his old bed space in his mother's cottage and Merlin hadn't been entirely sure that they would survive the confrontation with Canaan and his bandits. And Arthur had smelt good. All these factors had scrambled his brain and stolen his reason and he had just jumped onto Arthur's chest in the dark and kissed him. He had expected to be decapitated on the spot but by some miracle the object of his affection had not only snogged him breathless but had gone on to make love to him outside of his mother's home!
Merlin's mind still reeled when he thought about this encounter. As he had come down from his orgasm cradled in Arthur's arms, he felt that he could have died happy right there and then. Even if it never happened again he would have this memory.
Though of course he wanted it to happen again...
Merlin at first thought that Arthur's passionate response to his awkward advances had been a moment of madness for the Prince and really was not expecting a repeat performance after that first night. Even so, Arthur had been incredibly sweet and supportive on the journey back from Ealdor, holding Merlin as he cried out his grief over the loss of Will, kissing away the tears as they flowed freely from the corners of Merlin's eyes and wrapping himself around his servant in the nights by the campfire, calming him as he shook from a mixture of grief and cold. They hadn't made love again - yet - the proximity of Morgana and Gwen at the campsite had made that impossible - but Arthur had nuzzled and kissed Merlin under their blanket and stroked his hair back from his brow and kissed his forehead to wake him in the morning, his eyes filled with something akin to wonder as he looked into his manservant's eyes. It had been lovely.
It had been hard to return to routine once back in Camelot. Merlin had been a wee bit awkward on the first days back, not knowing where he stood with Arthur now. Arthur for his part had been an utter prat for the first two days. Merlin had been dismayed about this apparent turnaround by his master. He himself couldn't forget what had happened between them and he feared that Arthur regretted their tryst and was intent on behaving like his old self now that they had returned to the castle. Gwen had calmed his fears somewhat when she confided in him that Morgana was also being unbearable. It transpired that Uther's rage at the disobedience of his son and his ward had been monumental. They had both been given a severe dressing down in front of the entire Court and then given onerous extra duties before Uther decided that they had been suitably punished. During the two or three days after their return Arthur was waspish. After Merlin had been shouted down twice for perfectly reasonable queries, he had decided to go about his daily chores as quietly as possible till the Prince's mood improved. He himself was still fragile after the loss of his best friend back in Ealdor and didn't think that he was emotionally strong enough to cope with Arthur calling him a bumbling village idiot just now...especially after what had happened between them.
Love him as he did, Merlin thought that his Prince could be an insensitive bastard, sometimes.
The fateful hunting trip took place about six days after their return home from Ealdor. Arthur was still smarting from the punishment that Uther had doled out to him and Morgana and was fizzing with energy and aggression having had to spend endless hours in his chambers and work his way through a huge pile of exceedingly boring tax documents as part of his punishment. As he scrawled his signature across the final scroll late one evening he announced that they would be heading out early the following morning. Truth be told, Merlin hated accompanying Arthur and the Knights on hunting trips but this time Arthur had insisted. Another truth be told, Merlin hadn't resisted as strongly as he had done in the past. After what had happened between them in Ealdor he felt more than ever the need to be around his master as much as possible. He was also living in hope that he and Arthur might manage to have some 'quiet time' together out in the forest, away from Camelot and all it's cares. They'd not so much as kissed since returning home and despite the fact that Arthur was being an utter prat lately, Merlin really really really wanted to at least kiss him again.
He was a more than a little dismayed when they were joined by Knights Eric and Ealred as they trotted out over the drawbridge at dawn. Arthur had not been shy about showing affection to his manservant in front of Morgana and Gwen but there was no way that he would do so in front of any of the Knights.
They had been out all day on the hunt and hadn't come across any quarry apart from an underweight rabbit which Arthur had jokingly compared to Merlin and decided was simply too scrawny to even bother catching. Thus, Arthur had been determined to slay whatever it was that was rustling away in the undergrowth. Merlin really didn't understand this urge to kill innocent beasts in the name of sport. Where he came from meat was rare and was only taken from farm animals that were slaughtered as quickly and as painlessly as possible with a knife - not poked and prodded with lances or wounded and then run down with crossbows...this just seemed barbaric to him.
He also didn't appreciate being compared to an underwight rabbit. That was just mean.
Merlin hadn't wanted to go down into the undergrowth to flush out whatever was there. For one thing there was no knowing what it might be, and what danger it may pose to Arthur or himself. For another, he just didn't want to be part of this barbaric pastime. He tried to reason with Arthur.
"You want me to go in there?" he whispered in disbelief, "You just said you don't know what it is. It could be dangerous!"
Arthur merely smirked and replied, "Let's hope so". As he stomped off, Merlin seriously wondered why he loved this man so much...
So here he was, cradling the head of the wounded unicorn in his arms and apologising to it with tears blurring his vision. Aside from it having been a beautiful innocent being , Merlin knew it was a magical creature and the magic in his soul cried out as he watched the life fade from it's eyes. He was appalled. And Arthur had crashed into the clearing laughing triumphantly about having killed it. The magic within Merlin wanted to lash out. With difficulty he reigned in his anger and asked plaintively, "What have you done?".
Arthur was a thuggish, brainless, insensitive...arse! His only response to his manservant's obvious distress was to snort and say, "Don't be such a girl, Merlin".
Merlin was on the verge of telling his bloody Prince exactly how much of an arse he was - even with the Knights present - but his words had stuck in his throat when he'd spotted the hooded figure with the pointy stick suddenly appear behind Arthur. When he realised that Arthur and the Knights were unable to see the man, Merlin figured that magic was afoot and decided to keep his mouth shut.
He had point blank refused to be the one to saw the horn from the poor dead beast. After letting rip about how wrong it was to kill a creature that wasn't even for food he had sulked all the way back to the castle, riding ahead of the others and merely grunting at any attempt Arthur made to talk with him or to tease him.
It was probably on account of this outburst and monumental sulk that Arthur had insisted that Merlin be the one to carry the trophy into the throne room to show to Uther and the Court. Merlin did so in exceptionally bad humour and it took all of his self control not to take the horn off it's cusion and shove it up Arthur's arse as he bragged to his father about his great hunting prowess. Uther, naturally, was overjoyed by the trophy which made Merlin want to jab him in the arse with it too. He was pleased however, when Gaius refused to be impressed by the kill. At least somebody in this castle had some sense.
On the way back to his room with his mentor, Merlin confided in Gaius just how dismayed he'd been by the whole episode. It was good to get it off his chest with someone who understood. "I don't understand how Arthur could have taken any pleasure from killing a Unicorn" he grumbled.
"Arthur's a hunter, it's in his blood. Whereas you are something entirely different".
Gaius's response made Merlin's heart plummet. What WAS he thinking, having any feelings for this man? They were so badly matched...
Gaius's words went round and around in his head as he served Arthur his supper. He stared out of the window of his master's chambers as the Prince ate and wondered if he really could cope with being Arthur's manservant any longer, destiny or no destiny. He had worn his heart on his sleeve in Ealdor - he'd even admitted to being in love with Arthur! True, the Prince had been sweet and attentive after he'd lost Will, but since getting back to the castle it was as if nothing had passed between them and as if Arthur cared no more for him than he did for any other servant in the castle. Merlin wasn't sure he could live with that. He was pulled from his reverie when Arthur suddenly demanded, "Merlin! Did you listen to a word I've said?" Merlin nodded mutely - he was so lost in thought that he hadn't even heard the Prince talking. "You've had a face like a wounded bear ever since we returned from the hunting trip. Don't tell me you're still upset about the Unicorn"
Merlin was slightly heartened that the insensitive prat had at least noticed that his servant wasn't happy. He couldn't help himself, he had to tell the Prince just how displeased he was about the whole hunting affair..."I don't think you should have killed it. It was doing no harm" he mumbled, then more forcefully, "What purpose did you serve killing it?"
"We were hunting. That's what you do. Would you have me bring it home as a pet?" said Arthur dismissively.
He had absolutely no remorse. Merlin heaved a sigh and was on the verge of once again pouring his heart out to Arthur - this time to tell him that he couldn't remain in his service. But as he drew a breath to do so Arthur called him over to the bedside, "Look at this!" he demanded.
"What" said Merlin, exasperated walking over to the bed.
"Do you know what that is?" asked Arthur, grappling Merlin and bending him over to look at something on the floor, "Rat droppings. My chamber is infested. You need to spend less time worrying about Unicorns and more time worrying about rats!". As he spoke, Arthur moved his face closer and closer to Merlin's. A week earlier Merlin would have stood his ground and held eye contact and dared Arthur to breach his personal space, but now he was just too fragile. He looked down to the ground and edged backward and hoped to all the gods that he wouldn't burst into tears.
Thankfully this time he was saved by a knock at the door and a guard informing Arthur that Uther wanted to see him at once. With a final snipe about finding the rat, Arthur stormed off, leaving Merlin with his anger and frustration. And the rat.
Merlin managed to avoid his prat of a master for the rest of the day which was for the best really. Busying himself with his chores and errands for Gaius helped him dissipate some of his pent up anxiety. It was almost his bedtime when he ran into his master again, this time out in the courtyard as he made his way tiredly home to bed.
"Merlin!" called Arthur, "You do realise there's a curfew on? "
"Yeah" replied Merlin listlessly, "I was in your chambers hunting for the rat"
"Did you find it?" inquired Arthur.
"No"
"So you have been outwitted by a rat" said Arthur stopping right in front of him.
"They do say rats are very intelligent" retorted Merlin, but without venom.
"More intelligent than you it would seem. Go home. It would be embarrising to lock up my own servant for breaking the curfew". said Arthur almost tiredly.
'Bastard' thought Merlin. Why did Arthur treat him like an idiot! And why, he puzzled, did he let it keep happening? He was torn between heading off home and venting his frustration into his pillow - again - or by finally telling Arthur that he couldn't carry on like this and resigning on the spot. But then the strange man from the forest reappeared and Arthur had raced off after him. Despite his constant claims that Merlin was a useless idiot, Arthur hadn't paused before calling on him to join the pursuit. And despite all of his angst, doubt and despair of course Merlin had complied, running along after the Prince, adrenalin flowing and magic at the ready should he need to save his Master from danger. Again.
He was a hopeless case, he decided as he ran. Whatever abuse the Prince flung at him he knew he'd never leave.
Love could be an absolute bugger, sometimes...
...