Nothing left to lose.

It was a phrase I had heard thousands of times before. You know, like those sayings that are so clichéd that you take them for granted until they actually apply to you? That's exactly what was happening to me. With Saint Dane standing there in front of me, a grotesque smile of satisfaction spreading across his face, I truly felt like a person with nothing left to lose. And it was driving me crazy. My brain was willing me to fight back, but it was no good – I had reached my breaking point. I, Bobby Pendragon, Lead Traveler, had given up.

"Well?" Saint Dane coaxed patiently, "have you chosen?"

I looked at him and willed myself to say something arrogant, but my mouth wouldn't open. In fact, I'm pretty sure Saint Dane saw in my eyes exactly what I was feeling at that moment – defeat.

"Come now, Pendragon," Saint Dane sounded almost sympathetic. Almost. "After all you've suffered at my hands, it is the least I can do to grant you this one request. It only remains for you to name it."

I knew he wouldn't really give me anything that would change what had happened. Whatever he granted would have to be something that would nail in the fact that I had lost – something that could only result in my own shame. I knew that's what he wanted. I knew he wanted me to ask something out of my own weakness. Well, he was about to get his wish.

He must have sensed it too, because his smile grew wider as he expectantly said "Yes?"

I hesitated slightly. I knew he could do it; after all he was Saint Dane. But my mind was now frantically trying to stop me from throwing everything out the window. Don't do it, Bobby, don't do it…it warned. I sighed wearily. Too late. There was no turning back now.

I gave Saint Dane one determined look and said "Her. I want her."

Saint Dane's smile broke into a full-on evil grin. He knew I was going to ask it. He had simply been waiting.

"Very well, Pendragon," he replied as his form melted. I had seen this hundreds of times before. Transformation was one of the things Saint Dane did best. Soon, standing before me was a slender, but firmly muscled figure – her long, black hair tumbling past her strong shoulders down to her waist. She looked right at me with those chocolate-brown eyes of hers and instantly I buckled.

"Loor," I croaked, hardly believing what I saw even though I had known what to expect.

She smiled at the sound of my voice and took a step closer. My heartbeat quickened. She had been all I was able to think about in those last moments of the war. I had known then that we would never see each other again once Saint Dane took me, and it almost destroyed me. Yet here she was, standing before me! Of course, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was all an illusion, and that Loor wasn't really Loor, but I was too far gone to be rational. I was fully intent on enjoying every moment of my last request.

I reached out to her, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I missed you," I whispered, my voice cracking even further.

She only smiled and gently pulled me to her, the warmth of her body flooding my senses.

"I missed you too, Bobby," she murmured back.

Bobby. She called me Bobby. It was another indication that this wasn't really Loor (who always called me Pendragon), but what the heck did I care at this point? Life wasn't going to get any better for me, so I settled on taking what I could get. I cupped Loor's breathtakingly exotic face between my palms and gazed at her for what felt like eons. I wanted to remember that face.

"I love you," I finally said, softly kissing her.

And took the plunge.

Hours later I woke to a few rays of sunlight dancing across my face. My eyes slowly opened to reveal Loor lying next to me, sleeping peacefully. She was beautiful. Every part of her. I smiled as I remembered our happy reunion and leaned across to stroke her hair. As I pushed it back, I noticed a mark on her forehead. It was faint, but visible enough for me to recognize that it was the traces of a red scar. Red Scar…

Suddenly, the shock of what I had done jolted me back to a reality so terrible that I literally shook. It took everything in me not to scream. I leapt up quickly and began backing away from Loor…away from…I couldn't bear to process it.

"Oh my God…" was all I could say, in horror.

I had done the unthinkable.