Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I don't want to, because frankly, it's been butchered since I started watching/reading it. But I'll tell you what I do own, a heaping amount of hatred for yaoi.
That said, I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1: Itachi and the Clan
While Itachi always did have an unexplainable amount of talent, he was also incredibly odd. This might be explained by the fact that his father dressed like a woman and flirted with him, or perhaps because his mother ran off with his sister to the country. I don't really know, I'm not a psychiatrist. But Itachi was always prone to patting his companions on the rear (even his poor brother was not spared) and giggling, and oftentimes he could be found brushing his hair in front of a mirror for hours.
Nevertheless, no one ever questioned his affiliations, after all, he was the prodigy of the clan, and obviously would use his incredibly virile skills to expand the Uchiha clan. However, soon they would all be screwed, for soon after Naruto was born, and the Kyuubi was sealed within him, Itachi came upon the child one sunny gay afternoon.
Itachi took one look at him, and thought, "This child will grow up to be my sweet smoldering bear of man flesh, I know it!" But his next thought was, "But if my clan also discovers this potential sweet smoldering bear of man flesh, they will want him to be their sweet smoldering bear of man flesh. Something must be done." So Itachi, being the genius he is, came up with the logical conclusion that if he kills his clan, they can't take him. Because while dead people can smell bad, they can't steal away your sweet smoldering bear of man flesh.
So in the dead of night, Itachi went through his clan killing each member systematically, (not with sodomy you perverts) until he came upon his brother Sasuke, who was also brushing his hair. Itachi thought, "While I could kill him, why not spare him, after all, not only will a love triangle add great dramatic flair to the story of my life, it also makes great drivel in the form of ItaNaruSasu! Perfect!"
Coming to another logical conclusion, Itachi then proceeded to deliver his famous lines, "Foolish little brother, if you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way, run, run, and cling to life. And someday, when you have a sweet smoldering bear of man flesh, come before me." And with that Itachi left.
And that is the real reason Itachi killed his clan.
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