A/N: Warning there is self-harm in this fic, if that bothers you please turn back now :)
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Percy or Oliver… or anything else that belongs to JKR
Red is a beautiful color. Bright, vibrant and alive. It draws the eye, captivating and addictive. It starts to call for you, begging to be allowed to flow freely in pretty wet ribbons, its impossible to refuse. Impossible to stop, impossible to remember how you were able to survive without the warm red release that envelopes you in a numbing calm. It makes life manageable, it makes the supposedly innocent or harmless comments stop hurting. It makes it ok. Ok to be alone, to be empty. Ok to be wrong. Because when the knife slides across your skin, opening new scars, and blood bubbles up, it all falls away. Leaving behind only bloody trails and a peaceful calm.
Percy was alone, again, in the 7th year Gryffindor dormitory. Oliver was at Quidditch practice, and being that there was only the two of them in their dorm, it was easy to be alone. His books were propped against the wall as he furiously wrote a 4 foot essay for potions, Snape had been particularly miserable lately and Percy was determined not to suffer from his increasingly stricter marking. He pushed up his glasses, frowning at his notes. Just as he reached over to make an important correction, somebody hollered in his ear.
"Percy!"
He jumped, ink splattered over both his essay and notes and he would have toppled over if it weren't for the strong arms that wrapped around him. He almost relaxed into the body behind him as Oliver sputtered apologies, before he remembered that that was wrong. He was wrong, disgusting and Oliver didn't- he would never- Oliver would hate people like him too. Percy jerked himself abruptly from the captain's grip, ignoring the hurt look in the beautiful eyes. He had to have imagined it.
"It's fine Oliver." He kept his voice controlled and eyes shuttered, nobody can know, because its wrong. Primly he straightened his robes and quickly removed the unwanted ink before it set in the parchment, then he turned to face his friend. "See? No harm done. Now, what was it you needed?"
A calloused hand ran through thick brown hair. Blushing he gestured to the window, stuttering nervously,"er, its sunny outside!" He stated triumphantly with a crooked grin. Percy nearly melted.
"That it is."
The keeper was nearly red enough to be a Weasley. "And you're in here, where its dark, gloomy, dingy, dim, dank and suffocatingly indoors!"
Percy glanced towards his perfectly neat desk and strong lighting charms. "It is not dingy!" He pouted, "Nor dark for that matter, and I happen to-"
A hand muffled his rant to-be,"Shh." Laughter danced behind warm brown eyes and Oliver slowly removed his hand, when Percy opened his mouth to speak again a finger brushed against his lips."Come outside with me."
Percy's lips tingled from the touch, "I-I can't. I need to- to finish my essay, and we have an exam coming up in charms and-"
"Please?"
"I-" This time the loud matching clamors of Fred and George interrupted him, the distraction caused Oliver to glance away towards the door and Percy managed to conceal the lo- emotions in his eyes before the irresistible pleading orbs turned back. "Not this time Ol, I really need to work."
Oliver looked hurt, but he nodded, and Percy desperately tried to ignore the eyes that were trained on him as the other boy slowly left.
Percy closed the door as tears threatened to fall from soft blue eyes. He started shaking. Finally after a few stubborn minutes he collapsed on his bed. Its wrong. Wrongwrongwrongwrong! Tears flowed freely, and the lithe redhead desperately tried to control himself.
Trembling he reached for his bedside drawer, for the small sharp muggle switchblade that was hidden inside, he had gotten it on one of the family voyages into muggle London. It was plain, just like him. Relief rushed through him as his hand closed over the cool metal, his arms tingled. Carefully he pushed his sleeves up over fresh gashes and ugly red scars. With a soft 'click' the blade was released from its sheath.
He drug the cold metal over his left arm. You are disgusting. Wrong.
Once, twice, three times. Hot red poured down his arm, he was going deeper this time. Unnatural. Abomination. Freak.
Every cut released some of the unbearable pain, pain that had started building ever since his Fa- ever since he knew, and red ran down. Demented. Worthless. Wrong.
"Its wrong. I'm wrong. Unnatural, disgusting. Messed in the head, I shouldn't be this way because its wrong!" His body was wracked with painful sobs and he dug the blade in deeper. "I want it to go away! I don't want this!" Again, again, again. Blood was everywhere, running down his arms, pooling on his bed and the pain overwhelmed his senses. The pain was safe, comforting.
Until it was gone.
Blood still bubbled from his mutilated flesh, but he felt nothing. It wasn't a good numb, it wasn't like the warm beautiful emptiness that normally came with the cuts. It was cold. And Percy was scared.
"Percy!"
Ollie sounds scared too, Percy thought absently.
"Oh… oh God….Percy. Why would you- why, Perce?" Beautiful brown eyes suddenly hovered over him, they were wide and filled with fear and pain. Oliver started to blur and his voice rose, he was screaming for something, crying and cradling Percy against his chest.
"Ol'vr, 'm scared."
"Shhh shh, its ok baby, you're gonna be ok, we're gonna be ok, but you need to stay awake for me, ok?" Oliver glanced towards the door again, he yelled something but Percy missed it. "Why would you do this to yourself Perce?" Those warm brown eyes were filled with tears.
"B'cuse 'm wrong. Th'ts what th'y said." He slurred.
"Who said," large hands cupped his cheek,"who said that Percy?" There was hints of anger now.
The doorway was suddenly full and Percy could vaguely see two matching freckled faces, the horror in their eyes matched Oliver's. The keeper barked out orders, he sounded as strong and powerful as he did in a match or instructing his team during practice, arms tightened around the bleeding redhead. Blood stained both their clothes. When unfocused blue eyes looked back to the door the twins were gone, replaced by a blurry group of people, all shouting and rushing through the door. Frantic and worried.
Percy stared at the young man cradling him, black began eating at the edges of his vision, "Ol'vr?"
"I'm here, I'll always be here." There was movement behind him and colorful spells came swirling from the crowd of teachers, the room spun.
"Not 'pposed to love you, Ollie." Blue met brown. Percy struggled to comprehend the flickering emotions in Oliver's eyes. Shock. Confusion. Hope…. Love? " 'm not 'pposed to, b'cuse its wrong. Th'ts what Mum says."
The black consumed his vision at an alarming rate, soon all he could see was the deep brown of Oliver's eyes. Then nothing.
Percy awoke in a dark room, alone. He came to consciousness slowly, the black not wanting to release him from its embrace just yet, but eventually he was able to force his eyes open. His vision was still blurry but this time it was due to his absent glasses, squinting he attempted to reach towards where his bedside table normally rested. He was only able to lift his arm about an inch before it was gently pulled back down to rest on the bed. An almost inaudible buzzing started up and footsteps sounded nearby.
The light came on slowly, allowing him to adjust to the light before increasing in brightness. A roughly human shaped figure came forwards but Percy knew it was Oliver, he would recognize him anywhere, prescription or no.
The taller boy approached slowly, eyes locked and footsteps sure. He reached out and carefully placed Percy's glasses on his face before lightly tracing the thick bandages on his arms. Oliver's hands trailed down until he reached Percy's, he intertwined their fingers gently. His deep brown eyes were boring into Percy's, silently begging for an answer.
"W-why can't I move?"
Oliver flinched,"We were scared you'd try to- to kill yourself again when you woke up." He took a deep breath,"Wards were placed to make sure that you- that you… couldn't."
"Again?" Percy whispered," I didn't- I wasn't- that's not what I was-"
"Then what were you doing!" Oliver thundered, "You- you waited until you were alone and slit your fucking wrists! Did you- do you think that nobody would miss you? That nobody would care? Fred and George saw you dieing in a pool of your own blood! YOU WERE DYING IN MY ARMS! And all I could- all I could do was hold you… a-and watch. Your family waited by your bedside for as long as they could, but you didn't wake up. Not until- Its been three days! Three days of you lying here looking- looking dead Percy! Three days of what-ifs and- and- God Percy, don't you know that they love you? That I lo- that I need you too? What would I do without you Perce?" Angry tears were streaming down his face by the end and his voice had faded to a broken whisper.
"I-I-I-" Percy choked on his tears,"I don't want to die, Ol. I wasn't trying to- it's my punishment… for- for-"
"A punishment?" For a second he looked furious, then he froze."Percy… what did Molly say? Y-you said weren't supposed to- to love me…. What did she say?"
"N-nothing."
"Percy."
He looked away, "You'll hate me."
Fingers softly gripped his jaw, turning him back, "I could never hate you."
"I'm disgusting, a freak of nature, an abomination-"
"Stop! You're not a freak-"
"I-I like men."
Oliver blinked, "And? What does that matter? Love is love, no matter the gender."
"But Mum and D-dad say that-"
The keeper wrapped his arms around Percy and pulled him free from the wards surrounding him and onto his lap. "They're wrong Percy. Parents can be wrong. And- and there's nothing wrong with being gay, ok? Sometimes people hate what they don't understand, or things that don't fit into their idea of 'normal', your parents are no different Perce." Warm arms tightened around Percy and he melted into the embrace, breathing in the musky scent of leather and grass.
They stayed wrapped together on the small chair for what seemed like hours when Oliver gently pushed Percy back enough to look deep into his eyes. "Will you let me help you?"
The redhead hesitated before nodding and curling up tighter into the warm body beneath him, his head nestled between Oliver's neck and shoulder. Strong hands ran slowly up and down his back. He felt safe.
"Hey Perce?"
"Hmm?" He mumbled into the soft sweater.
Oliver pressed a soft kiss against his temple, "I love you too."
A/N: Thanx for reading! Please (Please!) let me know what you think! :D