CHAPTER 1. THE SUPPRESSION FIELD
Cold.
It was the first thing it knew, and as far as it knew, it would be the last thing it knew.
But currently, it was experiencing a tropical warmth.
It found this unpleasant.
It closed its eyes and returned to sleep.
I
"Damnit, bitch!" shouted the long-limbed pikachu. "You can't kick me out! It's my name on that mortgage, it's my fucking house!"
"I don't care," snapped the chikorita in the doorway. "I'm not keeping a drunken bastard in this house."
"Oh, don't you dare, Líf, don't you dare!" the pikachu said. "I've seen you prancing around with your little troop of friends high on heroin and god knows what else, so don't you dare start using that as a reason to kick me out!"
"Do I come home blasted and start beating you up?"
"Er, no-"
The chikorita smirked.
"So why don't you just go and spend the next few nights with your drinking buddies, Mort," she said. "I'm sure they'll be happy to get drunk with you. But not in my house."
"LÍÍÍÍÍF!" howled the pikachu as the chikorita shut the door. He made a face, willing the thunder to come to him...
Nothing.
Mort scowled.
"Stupid suppression field," he muttered. "Whose fucking idea was it, anyways? What inventor went up to the city safety council and said, 'Oh, yeah, here's an idea; let's make it so no one can use their powers. That'll solve violence, durr'. Fucking asshole."
Mort ducked into his backyard to avoid alerting Lìf, swung into his shed, and grabbed his shotgun.
'What the hell,' Mort thought. 'I may as well go hunting. It's not like I'll have the time to go again anytime soon.'
Shotgun in hand and fury in head, Mort made his way out of the city suburbs and into the surrounding forest. There was that familiar feeling of falling pressure as he got further from the field's source; but even deep in the forest, that strange pressure never fully left him.
'I got to admit, though,' Mort thought, 'that field does make hunting easier.'
Traveling down his normal hunting route, his eyes fell upon a trail of flesh-flecked ash leading off into a dark glade far off of the path.
Mort froze, considering his chances with a creature strong enough to incinerate weaker creatures in spite of the field. He glanced from side to side, then at his hand, forcing a few weak sparks through the field.
'Nope,' Mort thought. 'I'm too weak. It's too much of a drain to use powers under the field. Looks like I'll just have to rely on the gun, or the old fisticuffs if it comes to it.'
He grinned as he forged down the off-path.
'But just wait till the guys at work see the head of this thing,' he thought.
As he followed the trail of debris to its source, his eyes were greeted by singed thorn-bushes, limbless dead things, and other discouraging sights. He bit his lip.
'Maybe this isn't such a good idea,' Mort thought. 'Maybe I should turn back...nah. Can't go back empty handed.'
'You could always just bring back some squirrels or quail or something,' his conscience offered.
'No,' Mort thought as he drew upon the source. 'I'm doing this.'
He emerged into the darkened clearing where the source lay, leveling his shot gun at it, waiting for it to move. It did not.
'Huh,' Mort thought. 'Looks like it's already dead. Maybe I can just cut off its head instea-'
And then said head areared, and Mort let out a small shriek.
II
It awoke, Its head arearing to stare at the creature that dared to bring It into consciousness; the creature, a long limbed, yellow, brown-striped thing shivered in terror at It. Bemused, It raised one of Its mirrored claws to look at Itself; a pink eyed, mouth tentacled, frog-skinned blue thing stared back at It.
'Yes,' It thought. 'I imagine I must be terrifying to this poor thing. Ah well.'
The yellow thing raised the shotgun again, and It knocked it out of its hand reflexively. The yellow thing fell over onto the ground, staring at It as It arose.
"Ah," It said. "Sorry. You scared me."
"What the hell are you?" the yellow thing said. It looked at Itself again.
"I believe I am one of what you things call, 'ditto,'" It said.
"Oh no, man, no way," the yellow thing said. "I know ditto. You ain't no ditto."
It laughed.
"So I am not," It said. "Perhaps I am something new, eh?"
The yellow thing stared at It for a moment, then made for the gun.
"Don't," It said, causing the thing to freeze. The thing looked at It again, then slowly stood up, brushing the dust off of itself.
"Do you at least have a name?" the thing said. It laughed again.
"Call me...call me...call me Stasis," It said at last.
"Stasis?" the yellow thing said. "That's a weird name. No, wait, let me guess; you're really a human turned into a pokémon, and Stasis is a normal name for a human."
This time, It let out a deep bellowing guffaw.
"No," It said. "John is a normal name for a human. Mohammed is a normal name for a human. Prokriti is a normal name for a human. Stasis is not a normal name for anything."
"Oh," the yellow thing said. There was an uncomfortable silence.
"And what is your name, might I ask?" Stasis asked.
"Oh, uh, Mort," the thing said. "I'm Mort. So, uh, nice to meet you, I guess."
"It is nice to meet you too, Mort," Stasis said slowly. There was another silence.
"Hey, man, look," Mort said at last. "I'm sorry for nearly shooting at you. Do you have anywhere to stay? I mean, I can't keep you in my house, that wouldn't blow over well with my girlfriend, but-"
"No, thank you," Stasis said firmly. "I already have a residence. In fact, I was on my way there when I felt the strange urge to collapse into unconsciousness."
Mort nodded sympathetically.
"Yeah," he said. "That'll probably be the-"
"I was joking," Stasis said.
"Oh," Mort said. "Uh..."
Stasis smiled.
"Do not worry, however," it said. "I have plenty of money with which to rent an apartment or a hotel room."
Mort narrowed his eyes at Stasis.
"Is that another joke...?" Mort said slowly.
"No," Stasis said, holding up a bag filled to the brim with golden coins and paper wads. Mort stared at it.
"Holy shit, man, that's more than I've made in five years," Mort said.
Stasis smiled.
"I've been saving," it said. It walked across the clearing; Mort stepped aside to let it by.
"In anycase, I shall be seeing you around," it said. "Farewell."
"Huh," Mort said, bending to grab the shotgun. "That was weird-"
Mort's finger slipped on the trigger of the gun, unleashing a blast into his foot. He glared at the wound.
"Oh, goddamnit!" Mort scowled. "Not again!"
III
'I really, truly despise that sound.'
With a groan, Mort silenced his alarm before it could awake Líf. Mort clambered up out of bed and threw on the jacket all city Ordinance Inspector Recruiters were required to wear, dusting off its unwashed blue folds. Mort glanced over at Líf with a tight smile.
'I love you, Líf,' Mort thought. 'Though, I kind of like you better asleep.'
Stifling a yawn, Mort exited into the kitchen, grabbed a canned-coffee from the fridge and headed out the door.
By the time he reached the recruitment offices, the sun was already above the horizon and glaring at him.
"Fuck you," it seemed to say.
"Fuck you too," Mort said, tipping the morning sun his non-hat. He entered the offices, clocked in in the backroom, and sat down at his desk lazily, flipping open the magazine from the other day.
'Stupid Ordinance Management,' Mort thought. 'What's the point of making us clock in so early if no volunteers ever come till noon? It's stupid. Oh well. Never really did expect management to be smart, anyways.'
Mort took a sip of his coffee, turning the page of his magazine.
The hours passed slowly.
Mort looked up as someone entered the office; his eyes widened.
'What the hell?' Mort thought. 'This guy can't possibly be here to apply for a silly adventurer's position; he's too freakin' old. Maybe he's lost?'
"Hello," the cloak said. "I would like to register a bounty with your law enforcement offices."
'Yep,' thought Mort. 'Definitely lost.'
He set aside his magazine.
"Sir, this is the wrong department," Mort said. "If you want to file a bounty, you'll need to take that up with the Bounties Department."
"Ah," the cloak said. "My mistake. Would you be kind enough to take me to the correct department?"
"Look here, sir," Mort said, "I don't know if you understand this, but this is a clocked job; I can't reasonably leave my post. But look, the Bounties Department is just around the corner from here. It's three doors to the right of here, just head down that way-"
The cloak made no move. Mort stared at cloak for a while, willing it to go away; it made no move. At last, Mort stood up, sighing.
"All right, sir, I'll lead you to the Bounties Department," Mort said. "I just want you to understand how much trouble you're putting me in."
Mort led the cloaked man down the side of the building to the appropriate department. His glaceon colleague, Martha, looked up with surprise as he entered.
"Mort?" Martha said. "What are you doing here?
"This dude refused to stop bothering me until I led him here. He says he wants to register a bounty," Mort said.
"Oh yes," Martha said, looking at the cloak. "If you wish to register a bounty with us, we can do that for you. Please understand though, that your bounties will be hunted down by juvenile law enforcement, and that if you have a real problem, you'd be better off taking it up with the Criminal Investigations Department."
The cloak smiled.
"No," the cloak said. "This is definitely the better option."
"Yeah, probably," Martha said, flipping open her laptop. "Less corruption that way."
She glanced at the screen.
"Name," Martha said.
"Anonymous, if you please," the cloak said. "Though if you must, you may use my surname, Box."
"Ok," Martha said. "Name of persons or objects with the bounty."
"Chryslerhood Gang," the cloak said. "There are five of them; they wear special masks to prevent anyone from identifying their species, but they are as follows: one richu, one eevee, one swirlix, one pachirisu, and one bagon."
"I assume you'll be wanting the masks as proof?" Martha asked.
"Yes," the cloak replied. "I will also require flesh proof. Preferably tongues, but ears or tails will do just fine if the hunters are *ahem,* 'squeamish,'"
"Uh-huh," Martha said. "And how much are you offering for their capture?"
"Fifty-six thousand poké," the cloak said.
"Christ that's a lot," Martha muttered. There was a moment's silence, then Martha looked up brightly from her screen.
"Alright," she said. "All done. You'll be contacted as soon as the targets have been captured."
"Thank you," the cloak said. It left.
Martha stared at Mort, who was still standing there.
"What are you still doing here?" Martha asked.
"I...don't know," Mort said.
He dashed out of the door and back around the corner. He let out a groan upon seeing the line of expectant and excited young pokémon waiting outside his office. Upon entering his office, he received a shout from the back room.
"MORT!" exclaimed his manager. "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! WE HAVE A BACKLOG!"
"Fuck," Mort grumbled, putting his face in his hands.
IIII
Once the incredible backlog had been dealt with and all but the most hardy of volunteers had been thoroughly discouraged from joining the so called, 'adventurer's guild,' (the juvie law enforcement), Mort was finally able to get back to his coffee and magazine.
'Damnit,' Mort thought, sniffing his coffee. 'It's all room-tempy now. Oh well.'
He took a swig, forcing it down. Just then, the work bell ring.
"LUNCH BREAK, MORT!" Came the shout, "CLOCK OUT BEFORE YOU HEAD OUT, AND BE BACK NO LATER THAN TWO!"
"Thanks, Quì," Mort called.
"You're welcome," came the subdued reply from the backroom. Mort chuckled.
'Ain't loudred strange ones,' Mort thought.
Mort folded his magazine, grabbed his coffee, and stood up. At that moment, the door to the office, and a familiar face stepped through.
"Oh, hey Stasis," Mort said, slightly surprised. He laughed. "Dang, you look a lot less creepy in the light."
Stasis chuckled.
"I suppose I do," Stasis said. "I'd like to talk to you about something. May I buy you lunch?
"Sure," Mort said, shrugging. "I'm free till two. Let's go. What kind of food do you like?"
"Chinese," said Stasis.
"Eh," Mort said. "I'm sure we can work something out. Or was that another one of your jokes?"
Stasis smiled.