Disclaimer-I don't own Lord of the Rings. Tragically, I do own Maria Susana Gabriella Denise Alicia Felicia Rose Silverbird Theresa Montez. But before you kill me, look at the title, grab a barf bag, and rest assured that I am gonna kill this little…I cannot even come up with the right word to describe my hatred for this girl!
Death of a Mary Sue
Once upon a time not too long ago, a miracle occurred. A father and a mother gave birth to the perfect child, a girl they named Maria Susana Gabriella Denise Alicia Felicia Rose Silverbird Theresa Montez. The parents were overjoyed at this absolutely perfect yet easy to remember name they gave their perfect child. She never cried and she was walking and talking within her first week of life. Little Mary Sue (as she was nicknamed) was truly a child prodigy. She had absolutely perfect jet black hair and piercing green eyes. Everyone loved Maria Susana Gabriella Denise…etc, etc, etc to itty bitty pieces! She started kindergarten when she was two years old and instantly learned how to play every single instrument known to man, and she could read every single word in the unabridged dictionary while her other classmates were learning their alphabet.
But alas, poor Mary Sue's life was not perfect. She was sexually abused every single day of her life, every single turtle she owned ran away, and she was allergic to brussel sprouts. Poor little Mary Sue could have been very miserable indeed, but she kept a positive mental attitude.
And so she grew up, so perfect yet tragically haunted by her poor pathetic childhood. Somehow through all this sorrow, she managed to reach the age of 16 without anyone strangling her perfect neck. At that time, she discovered the Lord of the Rings……