Disclaimer: It's not mine, it belongs to the BBC, apart from the lyrics to 'Chasing Cars,' which belong to Snow Patrol.
A/N: I've never written a songfic before and probably never will again. But you know what it's like when something inspires you! Snow Patrol seem to be good at this sort of thing. Remenber when 'Run' was played during Doctor Who Confidential at the end of series 1? Well, as far as I remeber, there wasn't really a song played that we could associate with our favourite time travellers this time around, but when I heard 'Chasing Cars,' it seemed to fit the bill. I hope you think so too!
With that business with the Bride well and truly over with, the Doctor sat on the padded chair in the control room and put his feet up on the central column, the blue-green light giving his handsome face an eerie glow. He looked content for a second, then his face slowly fell, and he noticed that the silence was the loudest thing in the room.
Rose.
He hadn't had time to grieve their sudden and cruel parting. As soon as he had left her for the last time he had come face to face with a brand new problem. Having to sort that out had given him some distance from the situation, given him the chance to put his mind to something else.
But now the silence screamed at him, and a choke got caught up in his throat. He sat forward and fumbled around with the TARDIS controls. The radio sprang to life. Sitting back again, he calmed himself and listened to the last few verses of Def Leppard's 'Let's Get Rocked.'
No. That's not what he did. He didn't wallow in self-pity. He didn't dwell on things that couldn't be. He moved on. Because he had to. Otherwise…
Otherwise I probably wouldn't survive.
He looked glumly towards the radio as the song changed to Snow Patrol's 'Chasing Cars.'
We'll do it all We don't need
Everything
On our own
Anything
Or anyone
But why did he have to? Because it was one of the rules of the once mighty Time Lords. But they weren't around now, it was just him. Him on his own in the whole universe. Once, they had banished him to Earth. But he loved the people of Earth. Loved how they lived, how they felt.
Loved how they loved.
And then he realised. Because deep down, his emotions were exactly the same as theirs and nothing and no one was going to tell him how he could and couldn't deal with things. Nothing and no one was going to tell him how he could and couldn't feel. And now he didn't care if he didn't survive.
If I lay here I don't quite know Those three words
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
How to say
How I feel
Are said too much
They're not enough
The Doctor suddenly felt the water around his eyes. When had that happened? He smiled sadly at the songs lyrics. They were right. They were not enough. But he should have said them, should have given her something to comfort her. Instead he had stalled, and then it had been too late. He berated himself as silent tears slid down his cheeks. Stupid, stupid Doctor. Too worried about sticking to out-of-date rules than putting himself first for once. So what if all he really wanted to do was scream at the stars? Because he really should have told her a long time ago. And now he wanted to yell at the universe, throw a tantrum and pound his fists into the ground. There was no one to frown upon him now. No one to tell him it was wrong to love a human, to love a human so completely and utterly that your happiness depended on them. But so what if there had been? Forget what we're told Let's waste time I need your grace
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Chasing cars
Around our heads
To remind me
To find my own
His silent tears had now turned into sobs. His shoulders shook, and his hands became soaked as he pressed his face into them. He didn't care anymore. Didn't care about disgracing himself or offending anyone with his behaviour. For the first time in what was probably the first time ever, all his defences dropped, leaving him completely unguarded.
Rose.
He wanted her back; so much he thought it would kill him. He remembered her face as she told him she loved him, her tears as she waited patiently for a response. And then he imagined how broken she would have looked when that patience was rewarded with nothing but empty air. Air that carried no words of reassurance, no comfort, nothing to end her wondering. Deep down he knew that she probably did know how he felt, but it wasn't the same as having something solid to hold on to, something to store in a memory and keep forever. Forget what we're told All that I am
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
Her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. He might not have them in front of him but he would always see them; always see himself in them.
I don't know where If I lay here
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
As the song ended, realisation set in. He wouldn't drown in his sorrows. He would do something about it.
He would survive for her.
Setting the co-ordinates for Earth, he held on as the TARDIS trundled towards its destination. The landing was unusually gentle, and he was grateful for it as he ran towards the door and flung himself out into the cold, night air. With all the energy he could muster he launched his declaration to the stars, his shouts echoing off the hills.
'I LOVE YOU, ROSE TYLER! I LOVE YOU!'
Catching his breath, his voice turned to a whisper as he blinked up at the sky. 'I love you.'
And after hoping that by some miracle those words would find their way to her heart, he knew what he had to do. What his purpose would be. He would get on with his life. And he might have new companions and they might turn out to be great friends, but they would never replace Rose. He would never love anyone like he loved her. And despite all the new adventures he would embark on, one thing would remain constant. No matter what happened, he would never stop looking, never stop trying to find a way to change the impossible.
One day, he would get back to her.
And that song, that song would be his and hers. Because it was all about them.
He took out a slightly crumpled photo from his jacket pocket, apicture of him and Rose laughing in some alien photo booth on a far away planet.
And he smiled.
On a parallel universe, Rose Tyler wiped her eyes asSnow Patrol's new releasefinished playing on the radio, and made a mental note to buy a copy of it the next day. She reached into her trouser pocket and took out a photo with slightly tattered edges. It was the only picture she had of her and the Doctor together, and it was only with her now in this universe because she had always kept it on her. She stared at it and her eyes widened slightly in pleasant surprise as a warm feeling enveloped her heart. For the first time in what seemed like ages, she suddenly felt like she had hope. She looked out of the window, right up at the stars.
And she smiled.