Dilemma

My, my heart is blue

For, what can you do,

When the one you lack

Oh, his heart is black!

I leaned against the wall, a blue smudge against the seemingly endless hallway. I had stood unmoving for countless hours, thinking and trying to figure out the racing thoughts in my befuddled mind. But instead of blessed clarity, each passing minute only reinforced my indecision and dismay.

For a little while, I had retrospectively looked on Amy's affection for me. Shockingly, now I too had this sort of 'unrequited' feeling that she had so often complained about. Only now did I begin to understand this bittersweet emotion that she called love. In my own way, I could empathize. Well, except for the fact that hers was for me, whereas mine… mine lay somewhere else, in someone else.

I laughed, reflecting on the irony of it all. Amy showed her fondness by stalking and/or shouting it to the heavens. I, on the other hand, said nothing, expressed nothing, which is quite a feat considering my normal straightforward ways. I would simply stand and smile, while my insides churned. Usually, I could let such things roll off my shoulders, but this was different. I had even tried drinking, sneaking a few bottles of beer onboard. Alas, it simply sank me into incoherent sobbing, and then left me with a blinding headache.

I let none see my pain, appearing amused and chuckling weakly at the frivolities onboard. All of the fun, all of the joy, though, was hollow and sad to me. I saw Cosmo and Tails grow closer, and I was happy for them, yet it reinforced the absence of the one I truly wanted to see.

A characteristic rushing noise filled the hall and woke me out of my reverie. I sighed, knowing that this meeting, just like every other, would be awkward and torturous. And, just like every other time, I would try- and fail- to express what I felt. And then, having nothing left to say, I'd challenge him to a race, one I'd lose just to see him content. He didn't even notice me slowing down. I stretched and tried to look casual as a certain smooth hedgehog sped down the corridor. He stopped abruptly, a few feet from me. His presence set my heart to whirring. I felt sweat drip down my back as I forced a grin to my lips.

"Heya, Shads, how's life?"

He looked at me disdainfully. "You and I are stuck on a ship together. Use that brain of yours and do the math."

"Hah. You're such a kidder."

"Yeah, kidding, right. Tell me, where've you been? The yellow annoyance and the red idiot have been wondering. You've shown up for meals, and then scurried off again."

"Didn't want to burden you with my company, as you so recently reminded me." I said bitterly, acknowledging the fact that the people I didn't want to be around wanted me, and the person I wanted to be around wanted me gone.

Shadow leaned back, a faint look of surprise on his face. "Hey, Faker, didn't think you were that sensitive. What, reverting to a wee babe on us?"

"Try and feed me, and we'll find out." I said, regretting the anger in my voice, and cringing from the way I released my irritation on him.

Shadow raised an eyebrow. "Okay, blue blunder, what's up? I'm the only one who's supposed to be nasty around here. So what's eating you?"

I burned inside, wishing I could tell him. "Nothing. Why should you care? You hate me, remember?"

An open palm slapped me across the face. I glared at him, rubbing the spot and perversely relishing his touch. "There, I hit you, satisfying my hate. Now, satisfy my curiosity, and tell me what's up."

I sighed. "Nothing. I'm just fine."

"Uh huh, sure you are. And I'm a rabid space monkey."

"Where's your banana?"

He stared at me, stunned, and began to laugh, the first joyous laugh I'd ever evoked from the dashing runner. I too laughed, feeling happy for once in a very long time.

"Now that was classic Sonic stupidity. Hah! Finally, a sign of life! Now that you've got that out of your system, you gonna tell me why you're a sad sack?"

I grimaced, so close to telling him, but too afraid what it would do, what it would destroy. "I'm bored. Let's race." Every time, that shut Shadow up and distracted him.

But this time… "Oh no you don't! Every time I've seen you, you have that look on your face like you wanna say something. And every time, you ask me to race. Oh, and by the way, stop forfeiting. It was fun a few times, until I saw you purposely pull the brakes on me." I stepped back, horrified he knew, and shocked he knew me so well as to penetrate my smiling disguise. "I admit, you were pretty sly with it, but you know we're pretty evenly matched, so I was bound to notice. No, we're not racing this time. This time, you tell me."

I choked, looking around for any way out. I couldn't, not yet! "Well, I, uh-"

"Spit it out! Jeez, c'mon."

The words poured out of my mouth uncontrollably. As the look on his face changed from impatient and curious to startled and surprised in about half a second, I thought wryly that he had asked for it. "You're-so-distant-and-cool-and-I-wish-I-could-see-you-and-tell-you-but-I-can't-so-I-just-stand-and-break-and-I-can't-tell-you-because-I-can't-take-it-but-I-have-to-so-here-you-go-I-love-you-Shadow!" I gasped out, wincing at my less-than-elegant admission. I stared at the floor, shamefaced.

"So… that's what's been eating you, huh?"

"Yup."

He whistled. "Didn't see that coming."

"Yeah, well, neither did I."

"And you really love me, is that right?"

I whispered. "Yes."

"Well then…"

I turned, begin to race away, unable to combat the grief I was feeling. Suddenly, a hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me about sharply. I saw Shadow's abruptly much-closer visage and gazed deep into his eyes.

"Woah, now, Mr. Blue Blunder. I don't think you considered something."

"Y-yeah? What's that?"

His lips sank onto mine, stuck fast with a passionate kiss. I stared in disbelief and amazement. My face shined as red as the shoes I wore. He broke off the intoxicating expression of feelings and winked. Damn that slick son-of-a-bitch. "Who said I don't love you back?"

I stared, shocked, into his countenance. "W-what?"

"I said it. And for the record, I'm just a hellava lot better at hiding my feelings than you." His smile, lighting up my entire life, was reflected back from my growing ecstasy. I rejoiced, knowing that everything was all right.

"There's only one problem, though."

The angelic chorus in my mind shattered, flooding with agony that something was wrong. "Oh." Pain filled me, making me despise this suave hero and wishing I had never met the handsome bastard.

He smiled and shook his head. "You know what that is, don't you?"

Images of other people he could love, vows of chastity, and, oh ye gods of Chaos, Amy! rushed through my head. I muttered lowly, "No, what would that be?"

He laughed, driving the knives in deeper. He looked at me and put a hand to my face.

"That, dear Sonic my love, would be that you are TOO SLOW!" He dashed off in the direction of my room.

I stood, stunned. Then my heart lifted and I roared out laughter, rocketing after him."YOU TRICKSTER, I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SLOW!"

The ringing sounds of our mingled happiness- and our footsteps! echoed throughout the halls. The cheering noise erased the sadness that had lain there, and created a new, brighter future for a particular couple of amorous hedgehogs.

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