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Choking on Love

"… and you have to admit Remus, she's been fawning all over James as though he's the best thing since sliced bread! And the boy clearly isn't. I don't know why she can't see that. She wouldn't leave him alone yesterday either; constantly swooning over him! I honestly don't understand how he handles it. I mean, it's nice to feel flattered and everything, but she's taking it a bit too far now, isn't she? … Remus? Remus?"

"Huh? … Oh, sorry…"

The sandy-haired male who had been staring into the thin air surrounding him, lost in his own world of thoughts, suddenly looked up, surprised. He had been thinking too deeply (once again) about more important affairs than Rebecca Harding and her immense crush on one of his best friends. James Potter usually had one girl or another after him - it was just a natural occurrence. Remus had already heard the endless prattling of the latest rumours several times, and he really didn't need any reminders of it from Lily Evans. Not that he didn't love to hear her talk. Listening to her thoughts and feelings always made him feel so much more closer to her, but presently, he couldn't take in anything else other than his own fears and worries.

"What were you saying?" he asked apologetically, trying to make up for his lack of interest.

Lily sighed inwardly. "It doesn't matter…"

The two stood quietly for a moment, taking in the scenery around them, their hands clasped tightly together. Beautifully tall trees let their dying leaves, now golden brown, sway in the autumn breeze. The large black lake glittered, as small waves rippled and lapped gently at the water's edge. The magnificently grand school building (now yards away from their viewing point) stood, keeping an ever-watchful eye over it's students. Hogwarts had always been a sanctuary of wonderment - breathtaking views and an overly magical aura made most of the students think of it as their home.

Remus felt that he was definitely one of them. A hard home life had made him long every summer to return to the castle. Every year when the new school year began again, it quenched that longing and brought a newfound hope. Now, having Lily to be with was an added bonus. She meant more to him than anything, and was the only person he could truly be himself with. Remus had always had troubles with his identity, but preferred to keep them locked away, bottling them up so no one could hit his weak point. Lily had been the only person (besides his closest friends) that had ever been able to bring it out of him and ease the pain, rather than making it far worse. Remus, in turn, had listened to and soothed Lily's own problems - taunt and torment of James Potter poking fun at her, and the broken relationship between her and her sister. They had solidly bonded and Remus was now finding himself so close to Lily, he wanted to be more than friends.

"It's so lovely here, isn't it?" Lily said quietly after the moment had passed.

"Yeah," Remus murmured. He was still thinking, his problems picking away at him.

Lily looked up at him, her emerald green eyes curious. She wanted Remus to just open up and tell her what the hell was wrong with him today, but she knew not to push him. Remus would never spill his secrets if she rushed him. A deep and thoughtful boy, yet he had an air of great strength that surrounded him. He was confusing to her sometimes, she would admit. But given the right chance and a little time, he wasn't so complicated after all.

Lily, however, could be very earnest and impatient at times, and although she knew Remus would clam up after a sharp prod, she couldn't resist the suspense any longer.

"Remus," she said slowly. "Why are you being so... weird?"

Remus turned to Lily, mildly surprised at her confrontation. Had she really noticed it that much? He was speechless for a moment, trying to put into words what he'd been thinking and feeling for the whole day - and far longer in fact. When he found it difficult, he was about to simply shrug it off and say, "Oh, it's nothing Lily!" But when he looked at her concerned expression, creased lines appearing in her pale, delicate skin, he just couldn't. Remus had to be honest - he owed her an explanation really. The whole day he had been so distant, just thinking, and had paid hardly any attention to her. No wonder she was feeling put out.

Trying to muster the words together (and also the courage), he tried to explain the way he felt.

"Lily," he began, grasping her hands and placing them into his own. "I… I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid it'll change the way we are."