Another wedding, hmm? I sighed as I walked home. Everyone my age is getting married – people I used to play with when we were little. It's not like we're beyond marrying age – we're just in our twenties. In fact, I just turned twenty. Still young, but not quite. The tragedy of two years ago made everyone realize how we could just die anytime. Most decided it was now or never, and eloped with their sweethearts.
What about me? It isn't like love never presented itself. It's just that I have a different priority. That is looking after my ill mother. People ask me if I'm happy like this, and I always answered yes. I do get lonely, sometimes. But I love how rewarding it is to feel useful, and to be able to help my mother.
Still, being my mother's caretaker came to an end. And even though I've been expecting this to happen eventually, I was devastated. I have no one. And honestly, my life lost its direction. I don't know what to do.
I live in Ragako Village, in the southern part of Wall Rose. It's a quaint little town and I love how peaceful it is, despite being close to the edge of the wall.
"Ah, (Y/N), done with your chores?" Mrs. Springer asked me the moment I passed by her house.
"Almost." I answered, smiling to the sweet woman. "I heard a commotion at your house this morning, is everything alright?" At that, she wore an expression only a pissed off mother could pull off.
Letting go a puff of air, she began "Connie is planning to enlist. That boy is worrying me to death."
"Oh? Surely, though he isn't planning to join the Survey Corps?" The Survey Corps is the most dangerous branch of the military. Ever since the fall of Wall Maria two years ago, there was a spike in people enlisting.
"Goodness, no. He wants to join the Military Police." Hmm, the military police? That's the branch that takes care of the inner district. That's far from titans, so if Connie get in, he'll be living a comfortable life. Though, I understand why his mother is worried – people can die even during training.
We exchanged a few more words, before I promptly said goodbye. I entered my house … alone again.
I hate to admit this but I don't know what to do with myself. I need to take care of something – or someone. My talk with Mrs. Springer sparked a plan in my mind, and I'm shaking just thinking about it. Not of fear, but of excitement. I believe I haven't felt this my whole life.
The plan? Watch over Connie Springer, of course. And like him, I entered the military. I don't have anything to lose, anyway.
"Did my mother ask you to do this, (Y/N)?" Connie asked me, while we were on our way to camp.
"Hmm, no. I literally have nothing else to do." I told the him.
"Oh. You wanna join the Military Police, too?" He asked me, flashing a toothy grin.
"I haven't decided yet. We'll see." I can't tell him that I'll join whichever he joins now, could I?
"Okay."
We arrived at the training camp, and was given our uniforms and cabin assignments. That's when I parted ways with Connie. I'm quite thankful that there are a number of young adults and adults with us – see, not only teenagers are trying to enter the military. Thanks to food shortages, enlisting was a sure way to keep food coming. Meaning, there would be a lot of breadwinners and even parents here. After changing into our issued uniforms, we got in line to meet our instructor, thus beginning our life as the 104th trainees.
Two years passed in a blink of an eye. Turns out, I don't really have to worry about Connie. The kid's pretty witty, if I do say so myself. Other than that, all I can say is that I have a knack for this. I spent most my life doing mundane housework. I don't even think I've run at all! But this – using the 3DM gear, fighting whether by hand or blades – is something that came quite naturally. Was it due to pent up frustration? I finally found a safe way to let it all out? Maybe.
Graduation is almost here, and everyone is thinking seriously about which branch to join. I'm relieved that Connie is still aspiring to join the Military Police, but I'm worried. There's this one kid who absolutely detests titans, Eren, and I think he's slowly influencing a bunch of other kids to join the Survey Corps.
"What about you, (Y/N)?" Mina asked me.
"Huh?" We are currently at the top of the wall, cleaning.
"Which branch are you joining?" She explained.
"Oh. The Survey Corps, I guess."
"Woah. Really?" It was Eren this time. That's the kid who hates titans. It's understandable why, though. His mother was eaten by one right in front of him. No wonder he's so messed up.
"Why?" It was Connie who asked me. Why, indeed?
I shrugged. Months into training, I decided that I'd join the SC whichever branch Connie joins. The other two are relatively safer than the SC, so there won't be any need to worry. Besides, I feel like that's where I'd be most useful.
"What about the rest of you?" I asked them. The conversation took off, and it turns out that Eren did influence a bunch of them. Even Connie. That made me raise a brow, and Connie sheepishly shrugged it off. Ugh, this kid's soft.
We got quiet as we focused more on our task. I can't help but hum a tune. Cleaning is as easy as breathing for me, after all. I'm sure I'll ha –
Booom!
"What the –?" Thunder? "Titan!" A titan! A titan appeared right in front of us … It happened all so fast!
"Gahhh!" A gust of wind threw us all off the wall.
"Samuel!" I think it was Sasha, she jumped and did something. I didn't see because my eyes were on the gate – or where the gate was supposed to be.
"A breach! Titans are going to get in!" I yelled, in a panic. The hell of five years ago would happen again! We can't let that happen!
I jumped off, closing the gap between me and the gate. "Titans are already walking in?" Unbelievable. We didn't even have time to breathe, they're already invading! I looked up to my companions to try to regroup. Samuel's passed out, with Sasha holding on to him. Mina and Thomas seems unharmed. Connie is frozen, eyes locked at the gap which was once the gate, and Eren was nowhere to be found.
Booming sounds can still be heard from the top – is Eren fighting the colossal titan? Hnghh. I don't have time to think about that. I turned back to the gap, and there are at least seven titans already in here. I can't kill them all. We need back up!
Adrenaline was rushing through my system – this is what we've been training for!
It took us two days to fight titans, seal the gap and clean up everything. It was a blur full of tears, blood and death. Many among my batch mates perished – sons, daughters, parents … dead.
This event opened my eyes in many ways. We aren't safe – we were never safe. It seems that titans gave us the hundred years of peace. Now that it's over, they're slowly picking us off one wall at a time.
Luckily, we managed to seal the gate. In a twist of fate, a titan saved us. Ironic, I know. A Titan protected us from other titans. That Eren boy transformed into a titan. I don't know the full details yet, though. That's another irony, right there. Eren was probably the one who hates titans the most, yet here he is. Able to become a titan, apparently at will. That kid must be feeling horrible about that.
We are currently cremating what little we were able to recover of the dead. It was tough identifying most. It was a tragedy – as bad as any could ever be. I think I should be worried. Well, worried about something personal, and it isn't about my safety. I loved the battle. My flesh tingles at the sheer thought of slicing titans. I've never felt more alive!
I think I finally found my life's purpose – to rid this world of titans.
You could say that I'm an oddball. Most people are in shock. Poor Connie – he's inconsolable. Everyone is. We are all quietly watching the pyres when Jean spoke up.
"Hey, guys …" Needless to say, he has all of our undivided attention.
He turned to us, and he obviously isn't taking this well. Which, I'd say is normal given the situation. Especially since a close friend of his passed away. "Have you decided which force you're joining?" He asked, yet he didn't let any of us answer before he shared a shocking news. "I've made up my mind …" he couldn't stop shaking as he continued, "I … I … I'm joining the Survey Corps!"
That's shocking. Jean was very adamant in joining the MP, yet here he is, declaring that he'll join the SC. After that, we sunk back into silence – not really. Cries of sadness are heard all around.
It's the day, the day that the Survey Corps' commander is going to talk to us graduates. He's the first one among the commanders who'll try to recruit us. I guess he's the first one, since the other commanders think that if they go first, there will be no one left for the SC.
I was leaning against the wall, with others who are rather attached to me in the loosest sense of the word. Also, Connie seems to be sticking closer to me ever since the battle at Trost. We were minding our own business when Jean walked up to us.
"Jean, you're really joining the Survey Corps?" I couldn't help but ask. This sudden change of heart of his baffles me still.
"Yeah." He curtly answered.
"Why the sudden decision?" Sasha asked. Hmm, turns out it wasn't just me who was surprised. "Aren't you scared?"
"Huh? Of course I don't want to join the Survey Corps." He answered, nonchalantly. It seems he's cried all of his tears last night.
Connie spoke up then, "then why?"
"It's not that titans don't scare me anymore either. And I won't spout nonsense like, the best belongs in the Survey Corps. I'm not as eager to die as that suicidal bastard."
"You mean Eren? He's already joined the Survey Corps." I added. After what seemed to be a messy trial, the SC got temporary custody of Eren.
We were then called to get in line. We all decided to follow the order, but not before Jean told us how this, joining the SC, was solely a decision of his.
Before today, I have never seen the commander of the SC. I expected to see an old, bald man. Pretty much like Commander Pixis of the Garrison. Turns out I was way off the mark.
"I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps." The tall, blonde man said in that smooth voice of his. He's a lot younger compared to Pixis, and our instructor Keith Shadis. And quite a handsome fellow. He began his speech, inviting us to join the SC. But he wasn't sugar coating it. He told us the harsh, cold truth about what's it like. This man is different.
As he finished, he asked those who wants to join to stay in the field. Many people left – but that is to be expected. When people who wanted to leave were all gone, commander addressed us who stayed behind; "are you willing to die if you're ordered to?"
"I don't want to die!" A brave soul answered.
"I see. I like the looks on your faces." Commander Erwin said, eyes travelling around, looking each of us in the eyes. And for a moment there, his eyes lingered a little too long on mine. I never knew a person's eyes could be that strikingly blue.
"I hereby welcome all of you to the Survey Corps! This is a true salute! Offer up your hearts!"
"Yes, sir!" We yelled as we made our first ever salute as Survey Corps soldiers.
"I'm scared!" Sasha muttered. "I want to go home."
"I don't even care." Connie whispered.
These teens … they're brave. Yes, they want to run, but they aren't doing it. They chose to stay.
"You've done well to endure your fear. You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect." Commander Erwin seems to be thinking the same thing as I am. And as I turned back to look at him, I saw his eyes were back on me. Then he turned away.
Nineteen. Out of hundreds on our first day, only nineteen of us stayed to join the Survey Corps.
This is it. The direction I've been looking for. I can't help but feel excited.