Shepard knew something was wrong.
He was standing at the head of the Normandy SR-1, a beauty of a ship, listening to two of his men discuss their upcoming 'shakedown run'.
Shepard couldn't help but agree with the cynicism of Joker – there was no good reason for a Spectre to be on a shakedown – but Kaidan wasn't wrong either to point out that Joker was a cynic, maybe too much so. As Shepard turned these thoughts over in his head, he couldn't help but notice that the two men sitting in front of him were providing entirely opposing opinions. They were almost perfectly opposed, opposed in such a way that he could define his personality to them by his choice on who to side with.
Well, if that's how it was going to be, he would just sit on the fence, and he told the two men in front of him as much. After the mumbling agreement to focus on the mission at hand, and with the foreboding feelings about the shakedown and his squad's opinions going on in his head, he went to talk to the rest of the crew. Perhaps they could help calm him down.
The first of his squadmates that he got the chance to talk to was Jenkins. He'd never met the man before, but he looked a bit like someone who'd never been on a mission before.
"Commander! I'm the token new guy who dies at the start!"
Ah. Fears confirmed, then. He'd better come up with an appropriate response.
"Jenkins. I trust you're feeling ready to see your home destroyed before you die feebly?" Well done Shepard, you da man.
"Yessir! My ineptness in the field will surpass my overwhelming enthusiasm for a fight before you know it!"
"Good to hear, Corporal. As you were."
"Sir." Shepard could now move towards this mission was confidence – he'd gotten to know one of his crew. A bit of a shame he was only a token squadmate, but they wouldn't all be like that, would they?
Shepard lay back in Anderson's – no, his – bed. What a day! At least, he thought it had been a day – time just flew by when you were shooting things.
As he considered all things he had done, a frown took place on his face as his thoughts turned to the squad he had quickly built on the Citadel.
He had hoped the Jenkins, poor young Jenkins, would be the only token squadmate he would encounter. Not so, as it turned out.
After he'd awoken from his beacon-induced nightmare, run around the Citadel, helped a turian and a krogan to save a quarian, became a Spectre and taken his new alien friends on board a ship that was now under his command, he'd decided to 'do the rounds'. At least it gave him something to do - that wasn't paperwork. Why was it even called paperwork when they didn't use paper? It didn't make sense!
With a sigh, Shepard figured he might as well start at the top. His first stop had been Joker.
"Hey Commander, I'm the token cripple! Got a problem with that? Huh?! HUH?!"
"Oh, uh, I didn't know."
"...Really? Oh, okay, I'll grudgingly explain my disease because I think you're okay."
"Thanks, Joker. Carry on."
Next had been his new XO, Navigator Pressly. Third time lucky, perhaps?
"Commander! I'm the token racist." Nope.
"You have a problem with aliens?"
"Well, no, but, yes. I'll explain it poorly so you have no sympathy for me. Rest assured that by the time I die I won't be racist at all."
"Good to hear, Pressly." Well, maybe things would be different on the second deck?
Doctor Chakwas couldn't be another symbol of tokenism, could she?
"'ello Commander. I'm the token Brit." Oh yes, she could!
"I had noticed that everyone else on board seems to be from North America. Why is that?"
"The main audience for these games is also American, so we have to pander to them. But then, for the sake of diversity, someone from Britain shows up. Just be glad I'm not a villain."
"True, but surely after all this time in space there would be a new, generic human accent?"
"It's also a result of where the game is made, Shepard. I'm sure Kaidan can tell you more."
"Sure, thanks doc."
"Any time, Commander."
Well, if Kaidan could tell him more, perhaps that meant he wasn't a token squadmate?
"Hey Commander. I'm the token Canadian." Never mind.
"Why do even need a token Canadian, LT? I mean, at least British voices have a history of appearing in US made movies and games." Alenko seemed a bit uptight for a Canadian too. "Permission to speak freely, Alenko."
"Well BioWare is a Canadian company, Commander. This is their opportunity to acknowledge their country in one of their games." That was a good point. "Hence why there's all this tokenism. BioWare are proud of their country's multiculturalism, Commander, and they want to express this." Also a good point. "Why are you even worried about Canadians, Shepard? Have you heard yourself talk?" ...Well, this is embarrassing. Think quick!
"Uh, so, LT, why are you repairing this...thing? Will I be using it? Will you?" 10/10 distracting, Shepard, well done!
"You know, Commander, I don't know what I'm fixing this for, or what it does. I won't stop repairing it though, and I won't stop wiping the sweat from my brow when you come by either."
"Carry on, LT."
As Shepard headed to lower deck, he considered Kaidan's words – and he plenty of time to do so, as the elevator moved excruciatingly slowly. Was the whole crew doomed to tokenism? Surely not! No, there had to be at least one member would not be there for the sake of needless diversity.
As the doors finally opened, Shepard spotted Adams heading back to engineering. He called him over.
"Adams!" To his credit, the engineer came over straight away.
"Yes, Commander?"
"What do you do on the ship?"
"Well, sir, I'm the token scientific exposition – a necessary part of any sci-fi story. Just say the word, and I'll talk about things that will go way over your head. I also wrote the codex."
"Wow, really?"
"No, but I might as well have. I don't really serve any other purpose on the ship, although I am pretty open minded with aliens. That quarian, Tali, is fantastic!" Ooh, two tokenisms in one. And both opposing to Pressly! Why wasn't Adams the XO?
"Good to hear, Adams. Carry on."
"Yes, Commander."
As Shepard looked around the deck, he spotted two humans and two aliens. Tali must've been in engineering. First, Shepard headed to the Requistions Officer.
"Commander! I'm the token shop." What?
"You're a shop?"
"Yep! I don't even have a name. I just have random items for you to buy if you wish. I can also provide some exposition to give me a little more meaning for existing." Well, okay then.
"Do you enjoy your job?"
"Sure. I mean, I'll disappear in the next two games, but while I'm here I may as well soak it in. I hear some interesting conversations too. It really echoes, this room." Shepard made a note to lower his voice slightly.
"I should go."
"Sure, Commander." That left one human. Ashley Williams, survivor of the Eden Prime attack. It was good to know that BioWare had a perfect replacement for Jenkins ready to go. Would she also have the tokenism that he did?
"Williams."
"Sir! I'm the token warrior woman! I'm also the token Christian!" Ooh, another double. "Uh, that won't be a problem, will it sir?" Uh, why would it?
"Do you find those two things difficult to hold at the same time?"
"No, Commander. My supposed Christianity comes out of the blue and I barely mention it again. I'm also willing to sleep with you by the end of this game, and in the future I will get drunk to the point where it actually becomes a running joke. It won't be an issue for me or you. You might as well forget all about it." Oh, almost the perfect tokenism! How would BioWare ever beat this?
"Great. Anything else?"
"Well my family has also been treated terribly because my grandfather made a decision in favour of peace, which should make you hate the Alliance because they actually love war."
"But I serve the Alliance! You know what, if I'm ever forced to choose between you and Alenko, I may have to choose Kaidan because that way you will have made a noble sacrifice to save your family's reputation and I'll be able to hold your legacy against the Alliance. Also, you're more of a basket case than he is."
"Uh, sir, not that I'm opposed to my family's name being taken out of the mud, but you are aware of the LT's past, right?"
"What past?"
"You know, about how he was terribly mistreated as an early L2 implant, how the training sergeant he had was evil, about how he gets ill all the time and the girl he loved got scared by him accidentally killing the sergeant?"
"Uh, no, I didn't get to discuss that with him."
"Well, just bear that in mind if you ever have to choose one of us to die, okay?"
"...you said something about sleeping with me?"
"Yep! Not yet though, we need to have at least three more conversations before I'll suddenly think it's cool."
"Got it. Carry on, Williams."
Well, that was all the humans. By definition, all the non-humans on board were already tokens, by virtue of there being only one of each, but he supposed he should at least talk to them all first before deciding such things. He went to Garrus first, mostly because he wanted to see what exactly he was doing to the Mako.
"How's things, Garrus?"
"Hey there Shepard, thanks again for letting me join you."
"Not a problem, glad to have you on board."
"In case you hadn't realised," Garrus continued, "I'm now the token turian." Shepard had realised.
"Figures."
"And what's more, all of the 'aliens' you'll have on the Normandy are the opposite of their people. For example, turians are typically all about rules and regulations. Our government's even called the Hierarchy. I, on the other hand, am a renegade cop!"
"Right."
"I live on the edge of the law!"
"Okay."
"I quit the police force in order to chase down a criminal!"
"Sure."
"The ends always justify the means!"
"Uh huh."
"And so on. You'll be able to get me to appreciate that rules do serve a purpose over our time here, but after you die I'll become a vigilante either way."
"After I what?!"
"Uh, never mind. Why don't you check on Tali? I'm sure she'd love to show you how different she is from the average Quarian."
"I'll check back later." With a nod, Shepard headed to engineering, where he found Tali virtually vibrating on the spot with excitement. He was actually a bit worried she'd faint or something.
"How are you, Tali?"
"Oh! Shepard. I'm doing really well, this ship is amazing! I could spend all day looking at this core!" Well, he wasn't here to talk about the Normandy.
"Nothing like this in the migrant fleet?" Out goes the line...
"Oh, no, there's nothing like this on the fleet! Amongst my people, Shepard..." And she takes the bait! Shepard tuned out a bit here, happy to let Tali go on and on about the Quarians until he felt he needed to make it sound like he was listening.
"That's great, Tali."
"What? Shepard, I just told you how all my people are virtually refugees! That's, like, the opposite of great! Please listen to what I say, after all, I'm the token Muslim – I mean, the token Quarian on this ship."
"Uh, right. Is there anything about you that is different from the normal Quarian?"
"I'm a little more adventurous, I guess. But I'm actually way different to the stereotype of Quarians, because my people are unfairly stereotyped as being evil when we're totally not! Just because we created the main enemies in this game, doesn't mean we should be treated any differently!"
"This all sounds like a political statement."
"That's because it is, Shepard."
"Right, well, I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole, but feel free to talk far more about your people than any of my other non-human crew does about theirs, okay?"
"You got it, Shepard!"
Satisfied with his political nous, Shepard left engineering to tackle – metaphorically, of course, he wasn't stupid enough to do that physically – the last remaining crew member with lines: Urdnot Wrex.
"Wrex."
"Shepard."
"Wrex?"
"Shepard?"
"Wrex..."
"...Shepard, I'm the token krogan, my people are dumb, scary and love fighting for no reason, I'm clever, fight for a reason, and will hug you in the two sequels to this game."
"I should go."
"Shepard."
Well, that was 'all' of the crew. Every single one (worth talking to) was tokenism in some form or another.
Still, there was hope. There was one more spot on the roster, one that could easily be filled by a certain young Asari they were going to try and find in the Artemis Tau cluster. Maybe, just maybe, she would be the one...
Having done his rounds, Shepard decided to go check on his newest crew member, who went to rest after doing some weird mind-reading thing. Liara T'Soni, daughter of the Saren's assistant, Matriach Benezia. He had a foreboding feeling that, given she was clearly some kind of bookish type, totally unlike what you would expect of a Matriach's daughter, that she, too, would end up being a token. Well, only one way to find out.
Liara stood up to greet him as the door opened.
"Oh, hello Shepard! Reading your mind took a lot out of me, but it also means that I can address all your concerns straight away. I'm the token Asari on board, and I am totally unlike most Asari, because I am – for want of a better term – a nerd. Furthermore, BioWare writes me in such a way that I am clearly meant to be your chosen waifu. Even if you decide you want both Ashley and I in our totally concocted confrontation down the line, I will be fine with that perversion, even though she won't. Also, I'm physically okay and my tiredness from mind reading has no impact on the rest of the game, or even in this one."
Shepard decided there and then that he wouldn't bother looking up random poems any longer.
"Anything else?"
"Also I am OP and you should bring me along to the Noveria mission for story reasons."
"Waifu it is."
"Wonderful! Now please allow me to return to being all shy and whatnot. Don't worry, I'll stop being like this in the next game."
"That's all for now."
Shepard left the spare room that Liara was holed up in – he had no idea what it was there for – and walked back to his own room. He entered it and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why he couldn't have squadmates that had things in common with each other, but he decided, there was nothing he could do about this. Token squadmates just came with the territory of saving the world.
But even as he accepted his fate, there was one more thing bugging him. There clearly wasn't any more room on board the ship to add another crew member, but the Salarians weren't represented.
It just didn't seem right. Where was his scientist Salarian?