Disclaimer: Don't own. Written for a prompt from Kink Meme.
He absolutely knew the universe sucked, knew it was a disease infested black hole of death, he had just never realized before that it was out to get him specifically. Sighing quietly, he minutely adjusted his position on the bed to bring his shoulder into closer contact with the one beside his, the one belonging to his best friend. This was it; this was the best that he was going to fucking get because Leonard McCoy's place in the universe was out to fucking piss on him in whatever way it could.
Jim was in love with the green blooded hobgoblin. Thinking about it was like a knife to the gut, enough to cause sharp intense pain. He was in love with Jim, his best friend who had no fucking clue. He wished that he could put the 'in love,' in the past tense, as in 'loved,' because then maybe it would be easier. Abandon ship, doesn't stand a snow ball's chance in hell of ever happening, really makes him think of Dante's "Abandon all hope ye who enter here," because honestly he is in hell right now and hope is somewhere pissing itself in corner. You should be able to turn love off, it should come with a god damn switch, on and off, because life was a shit hole and it was beyond cruel to have to deal with this on top of everything else that goes wrong.
It wasn't fair that he was laying on bed with the person who he was fucking in love with listening to him talk about the fact that he was in love with someone else, someone who was not him. His chest ached and he wished that he could drown himself in bourbon. Wasn't he the one who had been there for Jim? He got him onto the Enterprise, didn't leave him behind, didn't strand him on a fucking frozen rock with fucking carnivorous monsters that would have eaten him for a god damn appetizer. He was there to patch him up, cheer him up, tuck him in when he had too much alcohol. Wasn't enough though was it? Wasn't enough to simply stand there, always willing to lend a hand, be the shoulder, hoping that he would look and finally see!
Bones really, really hated the universe. Wished Jim had gone to someone, anyone else with his problems, because every time he had saw him looking at Spock that way had ripped him up inside but having to listen to him talk about Spock in such a way that left no doubt as to his feelings for him was infinitely worse. Yep, hell without the fire or maybe it was simply in his chest because it certainly felt like it was burning, turning his insides to ash. He really was a good friend and he never loathed himself more for being so. He didn't want to provide the comfort and reassurance that Jim needed. Didn't want to tell him that Spock would come around, that it would simply take time, (at this Bones really, really wanted to laugh because wasn't that what he had done with Jim? Waited for him, believing in time he would realize?).
But, see, where the universe fucking hated McCoy, well, it absolutely loved Jim. He was the golden boy, he shitted rainbows. So saying that it would work out for Jim? Really not a stretch, really not an improbability because it always worked out for Jim, at least when it counted. Yeah, he might get a little banged up, be a little worse for the ware, but hey most people would not come out of the scraps he does alive, let alone victoriously. If Jim wanted Spock, then Jim would get Spock because for Jim there were no 'no-win' scenarios. For there to be a winner though, there had to be a looser since that was just the way 'winning' worked, and in this case the loser was McCoy. Though it hurt him, Bones couldn't stand to see Jim hurting. It didn't matter what it cost him emotionally, as long as it helped Jim. So McCoy gave Jim the words he needed, spewed them out with liberal amounts of gruffness and cynicism. He didn't doubt the words, knew they were true, because he had seen the way Spock looked at Jim, knew it was only a matter of time before they were together and McCoy was left with the cold comfort of his best friend status all the while having wanted something more, something that would never be his. He really hated self-pity, really didn't like to indulge in it, but if there ever was a situation for some, well this was it.
It really just wasn't fair, they were laying on his bed and Bones could think of something else that he would rather being doing with their mouths, something that involved teeth and tongues and bruised lips. After Jim left he was going to have a few shots of bourbon, for medicinal reasons, there was a hole in his chest that needed filled, 'only ever the friend'.
Author's Notes: Well, hope you liked! Thanks for reading. Thank you for reviewing as well, and even if you don't Thank you still. Toodles and take care! :)