Author's note: I finally decided to come out of the woodwork and venture once again into the wonderful realm of SwanQueen. Inspiration for this story comes from the songs "Why Did I Fall In Love With You" and "Wedding Dress" by DBSK and Taeyang respectively. For now this will remain a one-shot, unless people actually like it and want more. Thank you all for reading!
Disclaimer: Once Upon a Time is not a property of mine, nor do I have any affiliation whatsoever with it or the actors. I am not making any profit off of this piece either; the most I would make would be a penny anyway. XD
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Heartache. That is the only word in the English dictionary that could truly convey the anguish swirling around in Regina Mill's mind. In actuality though, even that word was paltry at the sheer icy emptiness that had taken refuge inside her once blackened heart. The former evil queen had long ago given up ever finding love or regaining her pureness. The pure part would never be reversed, but her heart had started beating again, but to a different tune.
Who was to blame for that? One word. Emma. It was a one word kind of day. Emma Swan had paraded into her life with her red jacket wearing swagger and clunky boots, turning her world upside down. When Regina had found out that Emma was in fact Henry's biological mom, she had seen red. Nothing in the world existed except making that woman pay; the disgruntled mayor had thrown hell at the Sheriff quite happily. But despite it all, Emma had persevered and not taken her shit. As the months filtered into years and tragedy/drama/action all enfolded into a series of escapades that forced the two women into close proximity, the cold persona Regina had adopted to protect herself slowly started to thaw. Unwillingly, the once dark witch had slowly started falling for the golden girl of Storybrooke.
Of course, Regina refused to admit that the White Knight had gotten to her just like every other citizen in the town. Deny, deny, deny…that was the mantra the reviled mayor said to herself, a million times a day it seemed. There were no feelings; there couldn't be. Although she had mellowed over the years thanks to both her sweet little boy and the Sheriff, admitting she was in love after all of these lonely years left a bad taste in her mouth and an ache in her chest. Daniel was her one True Love…so why was she feeling the same thing but concerning Emma? No, that was false. These…parasites crawling around her stomach and burning a hole through her chest was far stronger than anything she had ever felt before, even with Daniel or…her father.
Try as she might, Regina Mills just could not stop her heart yearning for the golden-haired beauty of Storybrooke. The youngest Charming daughter had ensnared her heart like a vice; she was the unsuspecting little rabbit, Emma the wolf that could snuff it all out leaving her crippled and helpless. She had been so very frightened once she finally admitted to herself that she was in fact head over heels. Although she and Emma were, dare she say it, friends, telling someone that you thought about them every minute of every day and that they were the last thought that hit you before sleep every evening and the first image that pops up when awakening…well, that is a little bit beyond simple friendship. So Regina bore it all, like Atlas bore Uranus. But, after time the sky was too heavy upon her back, her mouth too full of words and her eyes too soft. Her facial expression had caught up with her heart and she just could not hold any of it inside any longer. She, Regina Mills, re-instated mayor and former addict of magic, was ready to reveal the depths of her affection for the White Knight.
As the mayor walked around in her overly spacious and now stifling home, feet unusually bare of any form of heels and toned body encased in a simple blouse and the only pair of jeans she owned, she recalled the moment of sheer happiness that had encased her psyche when she made up her mind to confess. It was such a relief, like she had been pardoned from her eternal punishment that had been self-inflicted by her own actions made long ago. The fathomless void that had been ever present in her chest since Daniel's loss was finally dissipated, replaced by the warm and glowing face of Emma Swan. Regina had walked out of her mansion through the very same doors her cinnamon eyes were now so focused on. She clearly remembered the events that followed as if her mind was replaying a scene from a movie. It was the moment when all that hype and light airy-ness all exploded. It was the moment her chance at happiness was ripped from her hands and flung to the four corners of the world on the winds of retribution and karma. A result of her own damned machinations…
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"Regina practically ran outside to her car, trying to downplay her eagerness in case others were watching, but deciding she did not give any fucks and ran even faster, as fast as her heels could carry her. The drive seemed to fast forward until finally she was parked in front of the Charmings' establishment. They had certainly upgraded the place over the years; it looked good, although Regina would never tell, on pain of death. The svelte woman slid out of the black leather seat, swiftly slamming the door and heading to the steps. One, two, three…woah, when did the door get so close?
The mayor hesitated in taking that last step towards her hopeful future. What if she was just setting herself up for hurt? The woman shook her head, displacing some of the dark strands of her once perfectly made-up hair. She did not even bother to replace the hair in its former position; she wanted Emma to see the real her, all of her, no matter if it was perfect. She was not perfect, and neither was Emma. The sheriff would not care. Regaining her former confidence, plastering a beatific and sincere smile across her painted red lips, a slim lightly-tanned hand knocked on the door. The smile widened as she could hear hushed voices behind and the sound of boots against the floor, heading her way. Regina instinctively knew just whose footsteps those were and could not wait for her feelings to flow over. This was it, her last day of being lonely and heartsick. After today, after this moment, she would finally know her happiness.
The door swung open, revealing the one face Regina longed to see more than anything in the world. The blonde was beaming the brightest smile Regina had ever witnessed; the corners of her pale pink lips went deep into the fleshy cheeks on each side. Shimmering green eyes seemed to sparkle with life and vitality, crinkling on the sides and her long golden curls cascaded down her jacket covered shoulders like a waterfall of pure spun gold. Regina itched to take Emma into her arms and never let her go. The promises and confessions whispered against her ruby lips, desperately trying to burst forth. "Regina! What a surprise! I am glad you stopped by; I have some really good news I would love to share with you." Impossibly the smile got even wider, morphing the gorgeous face into one of abject contentment.
Regina mirrored the expression, liquid brown eyes twinkling and glistening with the emotions burning her tongue. "Really? Well what a coincidence. I have some news I too would like to tell you." Emma cocked her head, looking adorably like a curious puppy. "More good news? Heavens forbid, any more good news and just maybe all the past hellish years might finally be abolished!" The two women shared a full laugh at that. Regina stopped a little sooner, admiring the smooth expanse of skin on Emma's chest and the swan-like neck bared before her hungry eyes. Before Emma could reply, Snow and Charming flew into the room. The couple looked to be on cloud nine, even more in good spirits than normal. Snow kept clapping her hands together happily, like she was trying so hard to hold in what she wanted to say, like a secret. Charming just looked at his daughter with pride and love in his eyes, with a healthy dose of joy.
To Regina's surprise, Neal was right behind them with Henry as well. It had been the Charmings' weekend to have Henry and the boy was always so excited to go. Henry's small hand was dwarfed by the large appendages of his father; the doting look he threw Neal's way made Regina's eyes narrow imperceptibly and her stomach to knot. "Mom! Hey!" Suddenly Regina had an armful of mousy brown hair and a slightly-wrinkled appearance. However the look he gave er was blinding. Regina's heart swelled at the love shining in her son's young eyes. Snow, Charming and Neal all greeted her politely, looking happy to see her as well just not to the extent Emma was. Emma managed to gain Regina's attention again, although it was not hard. "So you had some exciting news for me?" Regina nodded her head in the affirmative. "I do, but you go ahead and go first." "Are you sure? I don't want to steal your thunder you know." Regina chuckled, eyes warm on her secret love. "There is nothing you can say that will 'steal my thunder', Emma. What I have to say would be better suited after yours anyway. It is important." Emma looked dubious for a moment, before agreeing quite eagerly. "Okay, I will tell you mine first. You know that today is the two-year anniversary of us traveling to Neverland to save Henry, only to find both him and Neal as well?" Regina shook her head yes; of course she remembered that day. Her son was involved after all. "Of course you do, of course. Well, today Neal…Neal proposed. I-We're-getting married!" Emma flashed the ring on her right ring finger, the bright silver catching the light.
Emma's words crashed Regina's senses, making her heart and brain stop simultaneously. She could literally feel her heart breaking in her chest, the happiness replaced by a crushing disappointment that robbed speech from her lungs. The normally verbose woman was reduced to nothing in the span of five seconds. How did I not see this coming? How did I not see the…ring? The next twenty minutes or so were the most excruciating moment of the former Queen's life. Moving like a zombie, she fielded off questions and inserted the correct responses to the questions aimed her way. Finally the sickeningly joyous expressions and exclamations of future bliss turned her stomach just a bit too far. Regina ran up to the bathroom and retched, holding back her sobs of agony. "Regina? "Gina, you alright?" Emma's voice laced with such concern nearly undid her. "I-I am fine." Gathering the composure that hung around her form in tatters, she informed the family that she was feeling a little under the weather and was going to head home. "D'you need some help to your house? You look a little pale." Regina quietly told the sheriff that she would be fine, although she knew that was so far removed from the truth as to be laughable.
As Regina exited the apartment for what would probably be the final time, Emma rushed outside to stop her before she made it to her car. "Regina! Wait!" Regina came to a halt, hiding her face from the woman who instilled such hope in her…only to destroy it at its peak. "You said you had good news to tell me…? I mean I know you are not feeling well or anything, but do I need to congratulate you for something?" Regina could not meet those eyes; it would break her. "I-It was nothing that cannot wait another day. I-I will tell you later, okay?" Regina could almost feel Emma nod. "Okay then. I will see you later, right Regina? I will send you an invitation to the wedding. I want you to be a part of it…maybe even as a bridesmaid?" There it was; the tears came flowing down silently. Regina's eyes closed slowly, her mouth tasting of broken dreams and unfulfilled promises. "Later, Miss Swan. My illness seems to be getting worse…"Emma frowned, gaze burning into the witch's back at the old term of distaste. Before she could comment, however, Regina had already pulled off, away from the last heartache she would ever let herself feel. The vestiges of her last chance at a golden future lay behind her, staring after her with such longing and sadness.
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When Regina had gotten home after reality slapped her in the face, she had vowed to never lose herself ever again. Losing Daniel was bad enough, but knowing that she would never get a chance with Emma, never experience everything she had dreamt for so vividly, and that wearing her heart on her sleeve would get her nothing…? It was a bitter pill to swallow. It had been months since that day, months since she last had contact with Miss Swan. Emma had tried valiantly to get through to Regina, but the mayor did her best to limit any interactions with the woman. Emma was the plague and Regina was the citizen scrambling for cover, for protection. When they were forced to interact, which did happen due to their elevated positions in the community, Regina adopted the mask of indifference she had been known for in the past. She allowed no weakness to bleed through; her mask was carefully constructed and she was very adept at hiding her innermost feelings.
Love is weakness. Her mother's callous words rang true inside her head. Emma had taught her that the words were false, and then cruelly shoved it in her face. It seemed Cora was correct, at least in one aspect of her life. Regina had once again lost her focus, and now look where she was. Heartbroken and alone. Regina had not felt this lonely since Daniel died so long ago. The dark-haired woman clenched her fist around the crystal glass in her hand, the insane amounts of alcohol she had consumed fueling the self-hatred and pain she was in. It was too little, too late. All her feelings and chances at redemption were just empty husks. Yesterday had been Emma's wedding. Even though Regina had been ignoring Emma, the blonde had still sent her an invitation. As soon as Regina had taken in the gold cursive handwriting, undoubtedly Snow's contribution, the mayor had seen red. As her veins seared with the last shattered remnants of hope, she threw the letter into her roaring fireplace. She had stared into those flames for hours, unseeing.
Now, not even a full twenty-four hours later, Regina was in much the same condition. Yesterday as the church bells tolled, announcing the completed nuptials, Regina had curled into a ball on her bed and cried her eyes out. She had not shown her face since. Her hand tightened around her glass again as she thought of the buffoon who had snatched Emma away from her. Cinnamon eyes changed to a deep purple, and magic swirled around her. It was…weird now. She had not indulged in magic since she and Emma had gotten closer. It wrapped around her intimately, wrapping around her shaking form. The tumbler exploded, apple cider showering down around her like an amber rain. As she felt the warmth and electricity seeping back into her body, she knew one thing was for certain. Love was weakness, and it would never catch her unaware again. The old Regina was back, and there she would stay.
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