You watch him as he walks away after the awkward hug you two shared. Part of you is screaming 'ARE YOU CRAZY? GO GET HIM BEFORE HE'S GONE!' while the other part is saying 'psh! Forget him! I love bowling…'. You listen to your devil part and turn around and begin to walk the opposite direction.
It isn't until you reach Doblers that you realize you've made a huge mistake. A mistake you can't turn around.
Cappie sees you walk into the bar with a solemn face. "Heathypoo!" he calls. "I thought you had a date with the Omega Chi brother."
You shuffle over to him with your hands shoved in your pockets. "I did."
"And what happened?"
"It…went horrible. And we had a small fight afterwards. Nothing big. But I let him walk away."
Cappie gasps.
"What?" You ask.
"You didn't!"
"Yeah. I did actually."
"Heath! How could you!" he's contemplating whether to smack you or to give you a long lecture.
"What? I mean it's no biggie. He's not the only gay guy on campus. Plus he's a freshman. I mean I'm gone in two years…"
"Heath stop this nonsense!" He's decided to smack you lightly in the head.
"Hey!" You cry defensively.
"Hey nothing. You like him. He likes you. Letting him walk away like that is the worse thing you could ever do." Cappie thinks for a moment, "It basically says, 'we're over' when you do that. And then, when you two actually talk again, it's so awkward."
"I mean look at you and Casey."
Cappie's lips press tightly together.
"Heath my dear friend, what did I say about the C-word?"
"Face it Cap. You don't know anything about relationships! I mean you're still strung up over your ex and you can't even admit it, yet you're trying to give me relationship tips? Forget Calvin. I don't need him." You storm out of the bar with your arms crossed tightly over your chest. You have the strange urge to clean…
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You get back to the house, and you don't want to talk. Of course, Evan Chambers is the most oblivious person you've ever met. So even though you're face looks angry and you cross your arms he still comes up and talks to you.
"Hey Calvin, how was the, uh, date?" he asks.
You look at him with a 'don't-talk-to-me' look. But he keeps pressing.
"That bad huh?"
You give a small snort.
"You should have listened to us here at the house. Kappa Taus, they're just bad news."
"Whatever." You mutter and go up to your room. You don't care what Evan says. You love…or loved…Heath. But you can't decide which one. He just let you walk away…he didn't even come after you. Now that you think about it, the bowling thing was pretty harsh…back on track. A true boyfriend never lets you just walk away.
Maybe you're just expecting too much out of him at the moment. He only recently came out to his KT brothers, and he hasn't had much experience; whereas you've been out for a while and your keen fashion sense just gives it away.
But he should know not to let someone just walk away!
'Let it go Calvin…' you think, 'you're getting too upset over this'.
You decide to let him go. Obviously you two just broke up. That hug was pretty awkward…
"Calvin?"
"Hmm?"
"Hey buddy. I was thinking. If you're you know…single…."
"Evan. Go away."
"Aw come on buddy. I have the perfect guy for you."
"Who?"
"Michael…he's a French TA."
"Um."
"C'mon buddy. Forget that skanky Kappa Tau. Try Michael…"
Your temper is rising. Evan is very, very, annoying.
"I mean who would ever think about doing a KT besides Casey…"
"Shut up Evan. Get Out. Heath is not anywhere close to being a skank. Just let me think."
Evan backs away.
"Fine, fine…"
You lie down on your bed. You really wish Heath was with you. 'Forget him Calvin.' you think, 'Just forget him. Maybe you should try that TA…'. You call Evan's name because you know he's right outside. He comes in with a smile on his face.
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You call him the next day. You call him ten times. Each time you get his voicemail.
Hey, it's Calvin. I'm not here. Leave a message.
You smile at the sound of his voice and decide to leave him one.
"Hey Cal…Um well…this is awkward. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to let you go or anything. So um yeah. Just call me soon. 'Kay bye."
You flip your phone shut.
"Heath! That was the stupidest message in the world!" You smack yourself in the head. You hope Calvin won't think so.
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You felt your phone vibrate while you were in the movie.
Now that Michael is gone, you check your messages.
"Hey Cal…Um well…this is awkward. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to let you go or anything. So um yeah. Just call me soon. 'Kay bye."
Something inside you sinks.
He just apologized. And you ran off with another guy.
You feel horrible. You want to hit Evan harder than Rusty did with the pledge paddle. You pick up your phone to call Michael.
You forgot you actually have a boyfriend.
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You're sitting outside the campus Starbucks sucking up your Frappachino through the crappy straws they give you trying to read a book. But who are you fooling? You just got kicked out of the house for cleaning just like Cappie.
"You read?" A familiar voice says.
You look up.
He's looking back at you.
You put the book down and take the straw out of your mouth. "What do you think?" you're grinning.
"Look…"
"I'm so sorry."
"No. It's my fault. I expected too much too soon. I keep forgetting you're kinda new to this…"
"Yeah just a bit."
You share a warm smile and he sits next to you on the bench.
"So…would you like to try again?"
You look him in the eyes. "I'd love to."
"I'm glad."
He catches you off guard by planting a small peck on your cheek before he stands up.
"I have some house things to do, but would you like to do something later?"
"Sure."
"How does dinner sound?"
"Great. Let's get something special tonight."
He grins, "Okay. Let's meet here at seven and we can decided."
"Sounds good."
He gives you a small wave before walking away. You feel your heart beat faster than before. You're so excited for this date.
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After the date, after the make-out session, and after the sex, you find yourself wound up in his sheets. Your head is resting on his chest and you feel his steady breathing. He puts his arms behind his head and looks up at the ceiling.
"This is nice."
"Yeah." You say, because you can't think of anything else. You love being with Heath, but the conversations you have a just a bit awkward. There's a silence in the room. You don't want to be the one to break it, so you wait for him to.
Eventually he does. "Why'd you come back to me?" he asks.
"Hmm?"
"Why'd you want me back?"
"Well." You think, "I'm not really sure."
"Oh…" he says.
"I think it's because I want to see where we can go." You try to process your thoughts into words, "Right now our relationship is…well…strange. But I think if we try hard enough, we can get it to go somewhere. I think we have the potential to fall in love."
"So you're not in love with me?"
"No." You admit. "Not yet."
"Same here." He looks down at you, "But I want to be."
"I think I want to be too."
He puts his hand on your face. "You're so beautiful."
You smile warmly. "Thanks." You sit up a bit and your faces are inches away. "So are you."
Your lips connect. There's a connection. Perfect Chemistry. And you know…this will go far.