It was just a dream. Why did it upset him so much?
He knew the answer, but he didn't want to face it. He didn't need anyone to interpret his dream for him. He knew exactly what it meant, and he didn't like it. Nevertheless, the dream, and its dreaded meaning, kept eating at him until he was forced to seclude himself in his room and meet it head on.
Having dreams in which one is naked in public was pretty common, he supposed. Surely, everyone had at least one of those dreams, at some point in their lives, had they not? Kurt was no exception, but perhaps for him, it had a much heavier impact. He had been naked in public, completely naked, and without the protection of his image inducer. The entire time he had been franticly trying to cover himself up, to hide, and not just because of his nudity.
Of course, as anyone else would have, he had been embarrassed, but a myriad of other emotions overtook him, adding to the humiliation of his nakedness and weighing him down until he was buried far beneath them.
He felt vulnerable. There had been no way to hide himself from the judgmental eyes of passersby in the city. "Demon!" "Monster!" They called. Others shouted obscenities at him, degraded him, and declared him a threat and a liar for even daring to hide his true self from them and walk amongst them. He deserved death in their eyes. Extermination.
Those threats gave rise to fear, but not solely for his safety. He was afraid of loneliness. What if his friends saw him like this and for the first time, looked at him like everyone else? What if they came to the realization that he was a monster or a demon? What if his friends outside the school, the ones he had made at church, saw him and turned their backs on him, mortified by him? What if no one saw him as a human anymore? What if no one thought he was worthy of love? Everyone would leave him, and he would be left alone with his deformities and disgrace.
Still, countless emotions, some of which he didn't even know the names for, had filled him. Sadness, anger, and hopelessness topped the long list. He felt almost like a small child, afraid, alone, and lost. He needed someone to help him, and with it, he felt a loss of autonomy, of independence, of self-efficacy. He was no longer confident in himself. He was just a hideous thing to either be eliminated or pitied. He was no longer human.
To add to all of that, he knew he had been found out. His lies, as well as his body, were exposed, and there was no going back to hiding after this. It brought his world crashing down upon him. Never again would he go out with friends. Never again would he attend church with other believers. Never again would he be able to show his face outside the walls of his home, that is, if his family and friends didn't abandon him or send him back to the freak show where he belonged. He would never have a life like this again, and he would miss it dearly.
But the very worst part, now that he thought about it, had been at the end, right before he woke up, and it had been something that he said. A woman had approached him and remarked that he should have been ashamed of himself.
"I know." He had replied solemnly. "I am."