Home is where the heart is.
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or other property. I write only to entertain not never make profit from this work or any of my other works.
Pairings: Rodney/ Sheppard friendship, Sam/Rodney friendship, Daniel/ Rodney friendship, SG1/AR1 friendship,
Warnings: suicide, self harm, depression.
AN: AU version of The Return (Season 3, Ep 10)
The Atlantis teams had returned home. Well "home" as in their original galaxy, their original planet, the countries they had grown up in, the cities they had lived before Atlantis. But it was far from home in a much more important sense...Atlantis was where their heart was. Atlantis had become home. They hated to leave but they knew they had to at least act strong. Tears would be for behind closed doors and only shared with the closest of friends.
Rodney had left for "home" immeaditly, having already said his goodbyes in the privacy Atlantis offered. John had expected it of course but he still worried. He resolved to call Rodney later that night. He instinctively thought off going over to Rodney's with offering of beer and the friendship of his team...then realised sadly that his "team" was two short. Both Teyla and Ronon had stayed behind on the Athosian settlement. He shook off the feelings of guilt and sadness.
Zelenka hovered nervously, not exactly part of John's team but still wanting to express how sorry he was. Even though he knew it was not his fault...still he wanted to offer some comfort.
Quickly Elizabeth realised that her role of Atlantis's leader wasn't over in one sense. Being relieved of command was one thing, but she still had a duty of care for her teams. She felt a sense of loss but buried it for now. "I'm sure things will work out. I mean the airforce will find us new jobs, we can stay in contact...might even get to relax without worrying about wraith or replicator attacks!" she joked. It was no joking matter and they all knew that, but it had the desired effect. Shepherd smiled, Zelenka laughed nervously and Rodney seemed to relax slightly.
They would slay that beast in the comfort of their "home".
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Rodney yelped as he ran into the door of his unit, long abandoned. He grumbled to himself, before reaching to turn his communication device on.
Quickly he realised what he was doing and how crazy he must look. Of course his door wouldn't open at his mere thought. This was not Atlantis. That thought only amplified the hollow feeling he had felt since leaving his home. He pulled out his keys and quickly opened the door. He didn't need people talking so soon...
The place was as he had left it, sheets covering his furniture. It had been cleaned regularly and regularly maintained. He heard a knock on his door.
His neighbour was standing there, holding a cat carrier with a frantic cat inside. Rodney smiled an honest smile. "Thanks for everything..." he said before reaching for the carrier. Once freed the animal turned expectantly to him, loving affection clear.
Rodney softened. The cat jumped into his arms, purring loudly. Only after his cat was assured that Rodney wasn't leaving again, did the animal leave to explore again.
One by one the Atlantis personnel received their new assignments. Carson was to help the SGC medical staff. John had been given his own team. Zelenka had been returned to his own country and was working for his government in some secret compacity. Probably on top secret technology for the military.
Rodney had been asked to remain behind to help the SGC scientists, before being shipped off to Area 51 of course. Luckily Sam had requested him, hopefully a familiar face would make this easier for him...
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Rodney settled in Sam's lab, working on reverse engineering some Gould device.
Sam had been watching him curiously. She was amazed by his work (though she would never say that out loud) but that was only part of the reason why...Rodney hadn't spoken in hours, nor had he been his arrogant self either.
In fact he seemed quiet and withdrawn, throwing himself into his work. Maybe it was nothing...maybe he was just adjusting to having his home so suddenly taken away. After all 48hrs was not that much time to say goodbye to his home and the second half of his team...his family. She tried to ignore the bad feeling she had. When he finally spoke, it made her jump. His voice echoing in the quiet room. "What was that?" she asked.
He huffed annoyed. "I was saying: do you ever wonder what your legacy is going to be? I mean when your dead...what will they remember you for? Your family, your country, your friends?" he said wistfully.
Sam frowned. Where was this coming from? "Wow, your cheerful! I'd rather focus more on when I'm living." she replied easily.
He shrugged and went back to his work.
Still she felt worried. "Are you okay? If you want to talk about Atlantis-" she offered worriedly before he interrupted sharply. "-Is that why I'm here? Because if I'm here so you can keep on eye on me, forget it! I'll take my chances in Area 51!"he snapped.
She was caught off guard, though quickly recovered. "Of course not. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. How are you progressing so far?" she quickly excused.
He warily looked her over before relaxing again. "I have some ideas..." he said showing her his work.
She looked over the work approvingly. "We still need a power source..."she said.
After that outburst, he remained moody when speaking about anything other than his work. It wasn't hard to see he was upset, yet she knew better than to pry. Maybe she should speak to John...
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Daniel found Rodney a few days later eating in the mess hall. Though "eating" seemed to be the wrong word for it...rather pushing his food around like fussy toddler.
"Hey, hows everything going?" he asked the scientist. Truth be told he was worried. Maybe he should wait a few days before telling Sheppard...if Rodney was merely adjusting, why cause such a fuss?
Rodney glared at him. Clearly communicating something between the scale of "mind your own business" and "fuck off".
"I take it things are going well with Sam? She tells me you guys have been making progress..." he tried again.
This time Rodney seemed more receptive. "I suppose. We figured out how to work some of the gould technology. Its something at least..."he said, fading off wistfully.
"Nothing like what Atlantis offered you, I'll bet" Daniel continued.
Rodney seemed to pause but didn't get moody. "No, nothing that exciting...not that any job could compare...still not as boring as it could be" he replied with a small smile.
The smile was a step in the right direction. There was a moment of silence, McKay still pushing around his food as if determined not to eat it. "Are you gonna eat that or mash it to death?" Daniel joked.
Rodney looked up, as if surprised out of his thoughts. "Oh, Sam insisted that power bars are not real food and that I should at least try to eat something real." he said shrugging.
Sam insisting on real food? Sam often went hours before even thinking of anything but her work...Jack often had to drag both of them away to eat proper food! His fact must have shown this.
Rodney shrugged again "Apparently 3 days is her limit" he commented.
Three days? Was McKay trying to pass out? His condition required him to eat often...that was usually an easy task too!
"Jacks worse. Trust me, you wouldn't believe what a mother hen he can be!" Daniel shared quietly, hoping to make Rodney less uncomfortable.
It worked. "John too. He tries to act tough but when it comes down to it..." Rodney shared back, before sighing sadly.
"You have a lot of memories of Atlantis, huh?" Daniel replied calmly.
Rodney seemed lost in memories, smiling to himself. "Yeah, he saved me more times than I have been able to repay...I didn't know what to make of him at first. His kind usually don't talk to geeks or be so keen to shoot us..."
"Sorry?" Daniel asked.
"We were testing a personal shield. He threw me off the railing too. You should have seen Elizabeth's face when we told her it wasn't the first time!" Rodney shared grinning.
Daniel thought it would have looked a lot like the look he was giving Rodney now. Still he was relieved to see him smiling. Rodney got up to leave "Thanks" he said before he was gone...taking his mushed up food to the bin...
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The next day, Sam and Rodney started work on some ancient device. She realised that Rodney was awfully quiet...she looked up surprised to see him asleep, his head on the desk. He looked peaceful so she left him to rest. He looked like he needed it!
She wasn't sure how much time had passed but she heard a knock. It was John, he had been away the last few days off world. He looked anxious and determined.
She smiled and motioned for him to keep quiet. "His sleeping." she whispered.
On cue, he seemed to sense John was there, whimpering quietly to himself. John ran a hand through his teammates hair muttering "Sleep. I'm here."
Sam looked amazed as Rodney calmed instantly. John merely smiled, taking his jacket off and placing it around McKay's sleeping form, who buried his nose in the collar of the jacket at once.
John grinned lazily, looking calmer now. "Hows he been? I expect he hasn't slept all that well but thats to be expected. Its hard to sleep without her ambience in your head."
Sam must have looked confused, he explained it. "Atlantis is just so...alive. You feel her in your head. Its comforting in a way. I expect all us Atlantis crew are used to it." he explained softly.
"He has been as expected. Hardly sleeping, throwing himself into his work...he does forget to eat but that may simply be part of his adjusting back to earth...his not saying much to me." she explained worriedly.
John nodded. "Of course. I'll keep an eye on him. Could be nothing or..." he paused uneasily. Sure this could just be nothing but it could be signs of much worse.
Both looked up to see Daniel at the door. Sam relaxed, grinning. "Come in, I need you to translate some ancient for me."
John quickly left, needing to shower and settle after his mission.
Daniel looked over the sleeping McKay.
As if reading his mind, Sam said "He needs the sleep."
"Its not a good time for him to get sick..."he commented concerned.
"Sick?" Sam asked.
"His shivering, probably feverish too. Could just be run down..." he explained as if it should have been obvious.
When she looked herself, she kicked herself for not noticing. Letting him work himself into sickness?
"Most likely. His been working hard the last few days..." she commented uneasily.
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When Rodney woke again, Daniel and Sam were talking quietly. Only 2 hours had passed.
Sam grinned at him. "Feeling better? You were out pretty good!" she asked.
He took a few moments to wake properly. He pasted on a fake half asleep smile. "I guess I really must have been tired!" he exclaimed.
"You didn't miss much. Daniel was helping me translate. I didn't want to disturb your sleep." she said casually.
He merely smiled and pulled John's jacket over himself with a content smile. For a moment he looked sad but it passed quickly.
AN: R and R!