Hi, this is my first fanfic, reposted. More information on that in chapter 5. But anyway, this chapter is loosely based on the song "Look At Me" by Carrie Underwood, which I do not own, along with the characters and PJO/HoO universe.
Enjoy!
Look At Me
"Leo, look at me."
Leo didn't turn away from the new defense mechanism he was working on in the engine room of the Argo II to acknowledge Hazel. All he wanted was for her to go away, to leave him be, because being near her was just so hard.
Why did his life have to be so complicated? He had liked so many girls. All off-limits, all out-of-his-league, but that had never bothered him before. On his last quest, he had crushed on two girls in two days. First Khione, the goddess of snow, when he already knew that relationships between deities and mortals are doomed to fail. Especially when they had such different, clashing powers as snow and fire.
Then he had liked Thalia, the forever single Hunter of Artemis. She hadn't given him the time of day, either. Not that he had expected her to. No girl ever had.
Until now. Hazel Levesque was the first girl to ever seem even slightly interested in him, and maybe that was partly the reason he had fallen for her. But she was the most off-limits of them all. Not just because she was Frank's girlfriend. Not just because he had promised Frank not to move in on her. Not just because it wouldn't exactly foster a feeling of camaraderie if he stole the girlfriend of one of the seven.
No, of all things, it was because he couldn't trust her because she liked him.
Well, he could trust her. With some things, like secrets. Like his life. But he couldn't trust her to love him for him, he couldn't trust her to love him for anything other than he reminded her of Sammy.
Of course, it had to be her for whom he had fallen.
"Leo, look at me." Her hand was suddenly on his shoulder, and he found her voice so compelling, more powerful than Piper's charmspeak, that he couldn't help but lay down his work and turn his face up toward her from where he sat on the floor.
He wished he hadn't. Because he knew he wouldn't be able to look away now. Not when he could see, in those golden eyes that he found so captivating, that she was, that she had to be, the girl he had been looking for in all those beautiful faces he had been attracted to over the years. Not when he was too weak to tear his eyes away from hers with his heart beating as fast as his fingers usually drummed against his legs. Not when every time he fell into her eyes, he couldn't help but fall farther. And not when he felt like he wouldn't be able to stop himself from holding back his feelings for her any longer.
He had never been good at hiding his feelings.
"Leo, it's not your fault."
It took him a moment to remember how to speak. "What?"
"You have to stop punishing yourself for Percy and Annabeth falling into Tartarus. You're going to drive yourself insane. And you're not..." Her voice faltered. "You're not acting like yourself."
Leo had momentarily forgotten about Percy and Annabeth. But the memory, and the anger that came with it, gave him the strength to tear his eyes away from Hazel's. "I'm sorry." He scowled down at the piece of work he had discarded onto the floor. "Would you rather me start acting like Sammy again?" He knew that was low, but he couldn't help himself.
Suddenly, he felt himself being pulled up and being turned to face her. He had always admired her strength, both of body and character. "I want you," she stated flatly, her golden eyes flashing, "to act like yourself."
Again, he couldn't tear his eyes away from hers, despite the anger in hers. "Why should I? Whenever I act like myself, people get hurt. Remember Shrimpzilla? Remember Percy and Annabeth?"
"You are not responsible for everything, Leo Valdez," she said fiercely. "Don't you think that I blame myself, too? I was actually close to them. Maybe I could have done something to help them!"
"Hazel-"
"You are such an idiot, Leo Valdez," Hazel whispered, still fiercely. "We are all to blame for something. I was responsible for Alcyoneus rising. I might be responsible for Percy and Annabeth falling. I was responsible for Sammy-" her voice cracked. "… for Sammy feeling guilty."
"You weren't-"
"But I feel like I am, and that's the point! We are all responsible for something bad happening, Leo," she whispered, "but we are also responsible for not letting the guilt change us."
They stared at each other.
Then Leo stuck out his hand and said, "Hello, Hazel Levesque. I'm Leo. Again." She stared at him, and Leo paused, remembering when he had once before said, "Hello, Hazel Levesque." The words that linked two different time periods, and two different, yet the same, boys. He wondered if he had just made a mistake.
But then Hazel slowly took his hand, but upon grasping it, pulled him closer and put her arms around him. And Leo found himself returning the gesture, because even though it was wrong, it felt right, and because he had felt so lost and angry a few minutes ago, but now he felt grounded as Hazel whispered in his ear, "Hello, Leo Valdez. We meet again."