To anyone who is waiting for an update on one of my stories: I'M SO SORRY! Life is really getting in the way of my writing, and this has been bouncing around in my head for what feels like ages, and has made it impossible for me to focus on anything else. I do not own Teen Titians (I really want to though) and probably never will. I plan to make a chaptered fic out of this sometime, maybe after I finish a few of my other stories. Enjoy and I love to hear what you think in the reviews!
She was attempting to meditate after a long day, but her attempts were futile. Her troubled mind kept returning to one subject; Beast Boy.
Some days she truly hated him, hated him with every fiber of her being. He could do everything she ever wanted without a second thought. He could laugh, smile, and afford to wear his heart on his sleeve. Ironically enough, those were the exact same traits that had her irrevocably in love with him. His warmth shone, and even through her emotionless mask, she was still touched by it.
He'd been the first to extend an offer of friendship, and persistently tried to make her laugh, despite the fact he knew of the consequences in a distant corner of his consciousness. She was forced to reject him and shut him out time and time again, for his own good; for the greater good of humanity, least she destroy the word in a giggling fit of pleasure. Another reason to hate him, but yet another to love him.
Any sane person would have given up by know. Albert Einstein himself said that the very definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results. But, she had long since learned that Beast Boy was no where near sane.
Maybe that was apart of his appeal; someone so stupid and stubborn, that they would trade the world to see her smile. Literally. His goofy grin, bright green eyes, and cheerful disposition lured her in, with the promise of a paradise she could never truly inhabit. One filled with laughter and happiness, with no cares in the world, other than what would happen on their next mission.
One of these days, she hoped she would split into two. One that loved him, and another that hated him. It would make things a lot less complicated, and the mad desire almost drown her. She finally gave up all hope of doing any meditation, and settled on her bed, and decided she knew four things about her feelings for the green changeling.
1. She hated him.
2. She loved him.
3. She loved to hate him.
4. She hated loving him.
It was a vicious cycle that repeated itself with no clear end in sight. It shouldn't be possible, and with dry humor she admitted that is was a cruel paradox, one that could wreck havoc on any girl's heart. She should hate him, it was easier to hate him, but she loved him still. It was a love she despised herself for, but love it was. Just because it was carefully hidden in the darkest recesses of her mind, didn't mean it was any less real. After sinking into a restless sleep, a part of anger and a part of passion merged to be come something even more dangerous: obsession.