Just Breathe
*Chapter One*
Final Goodbyes
********************
It was an normal, winter morning, and Rafe was sitting on an empty bench in the park.. as usual, he was alone again. He came back to Port Charles to be with Alison.. and yet, he was here, in the park and by himself. And suddenly, he found himself wondering how he got to this point? What had he done that was so horrible, to deserve to go through this sort of heartache. He slowly raised his fingers to his cold, pink lips, remembering the passionate kiss he and Alison shared only the night before.
He suddenly stood up, as he had begun pacing quickly before the bench. Plagued by thoughts of Alison. "My god, Alison, why can't I stop thinking about you?" he wondered. His eyes soon shifted onto the light, blue sky, "Can't you at least help me out here? Give me some sort of sign.. anything?" he sighed heavily, before sitting down again.
His eyes shifted on the cold, white snow, to where his over-night bag was sitting. He picked the bag up in his hands, and set it down gently beside him. Digging through the bag, he pulled out a book. The book he held within his grasp wasn't an ordianary book, it was Rafe's journal. He expressed his deepest, most passionate confessions within this book. He poured his heart and soul within beautifully written words. Most of what had been written since his death and his last visit to earth concerned the woman he secretly ached for, ..that woman was Alison Barrington. He read over the words, searching for some sort of sign that would reveal what he felt for Alison.. and why.
As he read aloud from his journal, one entry caught his eye. "Janurary, Two-Thousand and One," he began slowly. "I couldn't believe that Ed had actually allowed me to come back down to earth. I had sworn up and down to him that my main and only mission would be putting Jamal and Alison back together, yet as true as my words were, I continusly find myself thinking that all I ever wanted was to be with Alison again..." Rafe stopped himself short for a few brief moments, giving himself time to think about those words. "This is more than just a little strange for me though, because even when I was alive, I had never met anyone like her. I mean, of course she has her faults when it comes to certain things, yet still.. she's the most compassionate person I have ever known. When I met her, it was unlike anything I had ever felt.. she made me feel what it was like to live again. She gave me a reason to want to stay in Port Charles. She.. she opened up my eyes to such wonderful and beautiful things-" Rafe stopped himself before reading anymore, his face froze in shock at the realization that he had just come upon. "I.. I love her? I love Alison!" he quickly shoved his journal in his bag, and violently flung it over his back. "I have to tell her.. she has to know how I feel!" he vowed, as he quickly left the park, not realizing that his journal had fell out of his bag, and laid upon the snow for someone to discover.
On his way to see Alison, Rafe realized that he had rushed off so quickly, that he hadn't even thought about what he'd say, or how he'd say it when he told her. He stopped only blocks away from her apartment, leaning against a wall, he sighed roughly, trying like hell to come to some sort of conclusion. The truth was, his feelings for Alison were so out of control, that he had been as confused as hell about his next move.. all that mattered to him now was the mere fact that he was in love with her. As long as he knew that, he didn't care about anything else.
Suddenly, small pedals of snowflakes had begun to fall, signaling that a brutal blizzard would soon arrive in Port Charles. Hugging his leather coat tight to his chest, a building caught his eyes, and suddenly, he knew exactly how he'd tell Alison he was in love with her.. with a single, pink rose. Running towards the flower shop, he bought the rose and headed straight for Alison's place as fast as he possibly could. There was no turning back now.
********************
Alison couldn't have been more happier in her life.. now that her relationship with Jamal was back on track, and Valerie was getting the much- needed help in the institution. There was only one thing that could come between her relationship with Jamal now, and that was her unrequited feelings for her guardian angel, Rafe. Flashing back to an earlier conversation with Jamal, she remembered how the two of them had agreed to put each other first.. and to do that, Alison had to throw away her friendship with Rafe.
Just thinking about how this news would break Rafe's heart, it tore Alison up inside. Rafe had been the one, if only, person that had been there for her when she needed someone the most. She hated herself for what she was about to do to Rafe, she convinced herself that once she delivered the cold, hard facts to him, that he'd hate her.. and at that point, she believed it were for the best. No matter how much it hurt. She cared deeply for Rafe, but no matter how deep her feelings went for her angel, nothing was more important to her than building a life with Jamal.. and even she knew, she couldn't have both Rafe and Jamal in her life. So, she prepared to make the hardest choice of her young life.
Alison sat on the black sofa in her apartment, holding her hands under her chin and looking into the distance. She was plagued with memories of the good times she had with Rafe.. her best friend. Every now and again, a tear would fall from the corner of her eye, revealing how deeply her decision had hurt her. She couldn't even begin to imagine how this would effect Rafe.. all she knew, or even cared about, was putting her relationship with Jamal before all else.
Suddenly, she heard a hard knock at the door, which caused her to snap out of her thoughts. Getting up slowly and approaching the door, she was shocked to see who her company was. "Rafe..." she choked out. She was able to get his name out, but the rest of her words were at a loss. "What, um.. are you-- what are you doing here?"
Rafe's sweet, angelic smile shined through his bright, blue saphire eyes. That was usually the first thing that came to mind when Alison thought about Rafe.. his saphire blues, the ones that peirced a hole straight through to her soul. His angelic smile, which made her go weak in the knees everytime he flashed those handsome dimples.
"I needed to see you.." he breathed. "Alison," he began slowly, still holding the single, pink rose behind his back. "There's something I have to tell you."
"Yeah?" her tone revealed confusion. "Rafe, there's something I need to tell you as well."
"Really?" he sounded hopeful, thinking she was referring to her feelings for him. "Well, you go first."
"No, no.. please, you go first. You came all this way, and from the tone of your voice and the glow in your eyes, I can tell it's something pretty big."
"There's no hiding anything from you," he chuckled lightly. "but, I'm not so sure if this is really something you want to hear..."
"What is that suppose to mean?" she questioned in a baffled tone. "What could you possibly tell me that I wouldn't like?"
"Alison," he began softly. "You have to understand, this is a little hard for me.. I mean, I never meant--" he stopped himself before going any further. As he usually did when he had a hell of a time getting the right words out, Rafe placed his fingertip on his lips. "I've never experienced this before. You know that I died at a young age, before I even had the chance to experience the finer things in life, ..are you following me on this?"
Tears began to form at the corners of Alison's eyes.. for months, she had seen the signs; hell, even Jamal, Jack and Livvie suspected how Rafe had felt about her.. but she never in her life thought it was 'love'.. caught between a rock and a hard place, Alison knew what she had to do, ..she didn't really have any other choice. "Rafe," she began slowly, and hesitantly. "are you in love with me?"
Rafe's face quickly turned crimson red at not only Alison's question, but the expression on her face and the confusion in her eyes. "I, um.. I don't know. I, I think I am." he stated, nervously. "How did you know?"
Now, Alison was finally hit with the cold, hard truth. Before, when she planned to tell Rafe that she couldn't see him anymore, it broke her heart.. but now that she knew that he was in love with her, she wasn't exactly sure what it would do to him.. yet, be that it may, she could never be with him. Even if she did love him.. her place was with Jamal. "It's really not that easy to miss." she replied matter-of-factly.
"Why do I get the feeling this is definitely something you don't want to hear?"
Alison couldn't bare to look him in the eyes, it just hurt too damn much. "Rafe-" she paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I can't see you anymore."
"What? Why?" the tone in his voice was hurtful, yet he kept a straight face.
She turned back towards him, looking him dead-set in the eyes, "I love Jamal. My life is with HIM, not with YOU.. I know that your in love with me, and yes.. I've had feelings for you, but nothing that ever came as close to love.. nothing that even compares to what I feel for Jamal. Your an angel, Rafe, even if I did love you.. we could never be together."
"But, I.."
"Rafe, no.. please, don't do this. I don't want to hurt you even more than I already have. Right now, you might think that this doesn't bother you, but I know you better than that.. and I know this is killing you inside. Just as it is me." she stated clearly. "As much as I don't want to do this, I don't really have a choice. If I want to build a future with the man I love, which is Jamal, I have to give this up.. we have to give this up. We can't see each other anymore."
"I'm sorry." was all he could manage at that time.
"I know you are, and so am I." she whispered softly, as tears fell down the sides of her face. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I hope you feel the same."
"I do." he answered sadly. "Your happiness was all that ever mattered, even if it wasn't with me."
"I'm sorry." she managed through choked tears.
"Don't be." he replied, approaching her. "Here," he revealed the pink rose he had bought for her. "I doubt that anyone has ever given you a pink rose before, so therefore, whenever you see one, you'll think of me."
"I will," she agreed. "I could never forget you, Rafe."
As she held the pink rose in her hand, she looked down on it and smiled softly, looking back up into Rafe's saphire blues, the tears came flooding back. Rafe quickly embraced her, "Please don't cry," he pleaded. "even though this is our final goodbye, we still have the memories. Those, we'll never forget."
"Never.." she agreed tearfully, as she pulled away from him. "I think you should go now."
Rafe silently approached the door, glancing back at Alison only once, whispering "I'm sorry", as he disappeared through the door. After the door closed, both Alison and Rafe fell against the opposite sides of it, tears rolling down their cheeks.
"I love you.." were the last words either had said that night.
********************
*Chapter One*
Final Goodbyes
********************
It was an normal, winter morning, and Rafe was sitting on an empty bench in the park.. as usual, he was alone again. He came back to Port Charles to be with Alison.. and yet, he was here, in the park and by himself. And suddenly, he found himself wondering how he got to this point? What had he done that was so horrible, to deserve to go through this sort of heartache. He slowly raised his fingers to his cold, pink lips, remembering the passionate kiss he and Alison shared only the night before.
He suddenly stood up, as he had begun pacing quickly before the bench. Plagued by thoughts of Alison. "My god, Alison, why can't I stop thinking about you?" he wondered. His eyes soon shifted onto the light, blue sky, "Can't you at least help me out here? Give me some sort of sign.. anything?" he sighed heavily, before sitting down again.
His eyes shifted on the cold, white snow, to where his over-night bag was sitting. He picked the bag up in his hands, and set it down gently beside him. Digging through the bag, he pulled out a book. The book he held within his grasp wasn't an ordianary book, it was Rafe's journal. He expressed his deepest, most passionate confessions within this book. He poured his heart and soul within beautifully written words. Most of what had been written since his death and his last visit to earth concerned the woman he secretly ached for, ..that woman was Alison Barrington. He read over the words, searching for some sort of sign that would reveal what he felt for Alison.. and why.
As he read aloud from his journal, one entry caught his eye. "Janurary, Two-Thousand and One," he began slowly. "I couldn't believe that Ed had actually allowed me to come back down to earth. I had sworn up and down to him that my main and only mission would be putting Jamal and Alison back together, yet as true as my words were, I continusly find myself thinking that all I ever wanted was to be with Alison again..." Rafe stopped himself short for a few brief moments, giving himself time to think about those words. "This is more than just a little strange for me though, because even when I was alive, I had never met anyone like her. I mean, of course she has her faults when it comes to certain things, yet still.. she's the most compassionate person I have ever known. When I met her, it was unlike anything I had ever felt.. she made me feel what it was like to live again. She gave me a reason to want to stay in Port Charles. She.. she opened up my eyes to such wonderful and beautiful things-" Rafe stopped himself before reading anymore, his face froze in shock at the realization that he had just come upon. "I.. I love her? I love Alison!" he quickly shoved his journal in his bag, and violently flung it over his back. "I have to tell her.. she has to know how I feel!" he vowed, as he quickly left the park, not realizing that his journal had fell out of his bag, and laid upon the snow for someone to discover.
On his way to see Alison, Rafe realized that he had rushed off so quickly, that he hadn't even thought about what he'd say, or how he'd say it when he told her. He stopped only blocks away from her apartment, leaning against a wall, he sighed roughly, trying like hell to come to some sort of conclusion. The truth was, his feelings for Alison were so out of control, that he had been as confused as hell about his next move.. all that mattered to him now was the mere fact that he was in love with her. As long as he knew that, he didn't care about anything else.
Suddenly, small pedals of snowflakes had begun to fall, signaling that a brutal blizzard would soon arrive in Port Charles. Hugging his leather coat tight to his chest, a building caught his eyes, and suddenly, he knew exactly how he'd tell Alison he was in love with her.. with a single, pink rose. Running towards the flower shop, he bought the rose and headed straight for Alison's place as fast as he possibly could. There was no turning back now.
********************
Alison couldn't have been more happier in her life.. now that her relationship with Jamal was back on track, and Valerie was getting the much- needed help in the institution. There was only one thing that could come between her relationship with Jamal now, and that was her unrequited feelings for her guardian angel, Rafe. Flashing back to an earlier conversation with Jamal, she remembered how the two of them had agreed to put each other first.. and to do that, Alison had to throw away her friendship with Rafe.
Just thinking about how this news would break Rafe's heart, it tore Alison up inside. Rafe had been the one, if only, person that had been there for her when she needed someone the most. She hated herself for what she was about to do to Rafe, she convinced herself that once she delivered the cold, hard facts to him, that he'd hate her.. and at that point, she believed it were for the best. No matter how much it hurt. She cared deeply for Rafe, but no matter how deep her feelings went for her angel, nothing was more important to her than building a life with Jamal.. and even she knew, she couldn't have both Rafe and Jamal in her life. So, she prepared to make the hardest choice of her young life.
Alison sat on the black sofa in her apartment, holding her hands under her chin and looking into the distance. She was plagued with memories of the good times she had with Rafe.. her best friend. Every now and again, a tear would fall from the corner of her eye, revealing how deeply her decision had hurt her. She couldn't even begin to imagine how this would effect Rafe.. all she knew, or even cared about, was putting her relationship with Jamal before all else.
Suddenly, she heard a hard knock at the door, which caused her to snap out of her thoughts. Getting up slowly and approaching the door, she was shocked to see who her company was. "Rafe..." she choked out. She was able to get his name out, but the rest of her words were at a loss. "What, um.. are you-- what are you doing here?"
Rafe's sweet, angelic smile shined through his bright, blue saphire eyes. That was usually the first thing that came to mind when Alison thought about Rafe.. his saphire blues, the ones that peirced a hole straight through to her soul. His angelic smile, which made her go weak in the knees everytime he flashed those handsome dimples.
"I needed to see you.." he breathed. "Alison," he began slowly, still holding the single, pink rose behind his back. "There's something I have to tell you."
"Yeah?" her tone revealed confusion. "Rafe, there's something I need to tell you as well."
"Really?" he sounded hopeful, thinking she was referring to her feelings for him. "Well, you go first."
"No, no.. please, you go first. You came all this way, and from the tone of your voice and the glow in your eyes, I can tell it's something pretty big."
"There's no hiding anything from you," he chuckled lightly. "but, I'm not so sure if this is really something you want to hear..."
"What is that suppose to mean?" she questioned in a baffled tone. "What could you possibly tell me that I wouldn't like?"
"Alison," he began softly. "You have to understand, this is a little hard for me.. I mean, I never meant--" he stopped himself before going any further. As he usually did when he had a hell of a time getting the right words out, Rafe placed his fingertip on his lips. "I've never experienced this before. You know that I died at a young age, before I even had the chance to experience the finer things in life, ..are you following me on this?"
Tears began to form at the corners of Alison's eyes.. for months, she had seen the signs; hell, even Jamal, Jack and Livvie suspected how Rafe had felt about her.. but she never in her life thought it was 'love'.. caught between a rock and a hard place, Alison knew what she had to do, ..she didn't really have any other choice. "Rafe," she began slowly, and hesitantly. "are you in love with me?"
Rafe's face quickly turned crimson red at not only Alison's question, but the expression on her face and the confusion in her eyes. "I, um.. I don't know. I, I think I am." he stated, nervously. "How did you know?"
Now, Alison was finally hit with the cold, hard truth. Before, when she planned to tell Rafe that she couldn't see him anymore, it broke her heart.. but now that she knew that he was in love with her, she wasn't exactly sure what it would do to him.. yet, be that it may, she could never be with him. Even if she did love him.. her place was with Jamal. "It's really not that easy to miss." she replied matter-of-factly.
"Why do I get the feeling this is definitely something you don't want to hear?"
Alison couldn't bare to look him in the eyes, it just hurt too damn much. "Rafe-" she paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I can't see you anymore."
"What? Why?" the tone in his voice was hurtful, yet he kept a straight face.
She turned back towards him, looking him dead-set in the eyes, "I love Jamal. My life is with HIM, not with YOU.. I know that your in love with me, and yes.. I've had feelings for you, but nothing that ever came as close to love.. nothing that even compares to what I feel for Jamal. Your an angel, Rafe, even if I did love you.. we could never be together."
"But, I.."
"Rafe, no.. please, don't do this. I don't want to hurt you even more than I already have. Right now, you might think that this doesn't bother you, but I know you better than that.. and I know this is killing you inside. Just as it is me." she stated clearly. "As much as I don't want to do this, I don't really have a choice. If I want to build a future with the man I love, which is Jamal, I have to give this up.. we have to give this up. We can't see each other anymore."
"I'm sorry." was all he could manage at that time.
"I know you are, and so am I." she whispered softly, as tears fell down the sides of her face. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I hope you feel the same."
"I do." he answered sadly. "Your happiness was all that ever mattered, even if it wasn't with me."
"I'm sorry." she managed through choked tears.
"Don't be." he replied, approaching her. "Here," he revealed the pink rose he had bought for her. "I doubt that anyone has ever given you a pink rose before, so therefore, whenever you see one, you'll think of me."
"I will," she agreed. "I could never forget you, Rafe."
As she held the pink rose in her hand, she looked down on it and smiled softly, looking back up into Rafe's saphire blues, the tears came flooding back. Rafe quickly embraced her, "Please don't cry," he pleaded. "even though this is our final goodbye, we still have the memories. Those, we'll never forget."
"Never.." she agreed tearfully, as she pulled away from him. "I think you should go now."
Rafe silently approached the door, glancing back at Alison only once, whispering "I'm sorry", as he disappeared through the door. After the door closed, both Alison and Rafe fell against the opposite sides of it, tears rolling down their cheeks.
"I love you.." were the last words either had said that night.
********************