All rights for Doctor Who are the BBC's. I own nothing.
AN: I do love Mark Gatiss.
He couldn't stop looking at her.
She noticed it, of course, but tried to ignore it. The Doctor often spent a long time studying people, trying to understand the way they thought and behaved. He often shared his conclusions with her the moment he noticed her look, silently asking him what he saw. They knew each other so well they could practically read each other's thoughts now.
But this look wasn't the same as any other look she's ever seen.
There was something about the way he looked at her, as if he was preparing himself for something. She knew he saw her after her face was taken and figured it had to have been the reason, but when she mentioned it he just grinned and dismissed it. Even when he smiled, though, she could still see that same look in his eyes.
He swore to himself he'd never take his eyes off of her again.
It was an ambitious, insane and quite impossible decision, and somewhere deep down he knew he'd never be able to do that, but he had to. He had to tell himself that he could. That there was a way he could keep her safe within reach. He had to convince himself he could make sure that he'd never lose her again.
When the police brought her in, after she was found outside, the very first thing he felt was horror. His rage, although seemingly appearing that moment, took a while to fill him. For the first few seconds his mind went blank with horror as he stared at Faceless-Rose, standing in the middle of the room. How could I let them take her? He asked himself over and over. How could I just leave her there?
Up until that moment, he didn't even realise how far he'd come to depend on her. How much he needed her. She was his companion; his mate; his best friend. She was his partner.
No, he had to remind himself. She's not your partner, no matter how much you want her to be. She's not yours.
Except even though she wasn't his, he was hers. And he needed her. He needed the way she understood him; needed her smile and the warmth in her eyes; needed the comfort of holding her hand; needed her laughter and soothing words. He'd taken all these things for granted. And only now that he didn't have any of them, he realised he did that.
And even after everything was fixed and she was back to him, he was terrified that if he ever lets go of her, if he ever takes her for granted again, something will take her away from him.
"G'night," Rose smiled at him as they walked back into the TARDIS, turning towards her room.
He forced on a smile. "Goodnight," He replied, walking towards the console.
She must've noticed something about his behaviour, because she turned serious and slightly worried. "Why don't you sleep as well?" She suggested. "Might do you good."
He shook his head slightly. "Not tired. Nah, I think I'd better work on her for a bit." He patted the console. "More than enough to do. You go on, though."
She still seemed worried, but she nodded. "Okay. Elvis tomorrow?"
"Nah, I've had enough with these years." He scratched the back of his neck. "Tell you what - tomorrow we can catch the Beatles. What do you say?"
She grinned again. "Sure. G'night."
"Night," He said quietly as she walked away. The moment she was out of sight, he turned the screen towards him, quickly finding her in the TARDIS. Sitting down in front of the console, he watched her as she walked to her room, his hands busy with fixing something underneath it. He watched her as she changed and as she fell asleep, silently wishing her a dreamless sleep. But just to make sure it was, he decided he'd keep watching her, right until she woke up.
He had to know she was still there.
Rose woke up to the sound of loud groaning.
Frowning, she sat up in her bed, turning the lights on. Her room was the same as usual, and she could hear the calm hum of the TARDIS, telling her the spaceship was fine as well. Just when she thought she must've dreamt it and decided to go back to sleep, she heard it again.
The Doctor.
Within a heartbeat she was up on her feet, running back towards the console room. Seeing as he wasn't sleeping, something must've went wrong with whatever works he wanted to do on the TARDIS, but whatever it was, she was certain it was bad. The Doctor wouldn't have let himself wake her up if it wasn't.
Except he did, seeing as he wasn't even aware of it.
She stopped in surprise as she reached the console room. He was lying on the floor, his hand still holding his sonic screwdriver and his eyes closed. Seeing as he was lying on his stomach with his head right in front of an open panel under the console, she realised he fell asleep as he was working. He moved slightly before groaning again, and she hurried to kneel by his side, wondering whether or not she should wake him up.
"Rose..." He growled, making her freeze in her place. He moved again, pain and fear appearing on his face. Something's wrong. "No, Rose..."
Deciding he's better off awake than having whatever nightmare he must have been having, she shook him gently, turning him so he was lying on his back.
"Doctor?" She whispered.
His eyes opened immediately. She gasped when his free hand - the one that wasn't holding the screwdriver - grabbed her wrist. He sat up, still staring at her wide-eyed.
"Rose," He breathed out. His hand let go of the screwdriver - which rolled over to the other side of the room - and moved up to her face, slowly tracing each and every part of it. "You're here," He breathed out as he did.
"'Course I'm here," She said softly, using her free hand to gently cup his cheek. "I'm right here."
"I thought..." He choked and she realised he was attempting to hold back tears. "I thought I'd lost you."
"Not me," She promised quietly. "It was just a nightmare, that's all. I'm right here."
He took a somewhat-shaky breath, his hand now cupping her cheek, mirroring her. "The Wire... Your face?" He mumbled.
She shook her head. "Just whatever you were dreaming now." He slumped back against the console, still looking terrified. "Wanna tell me what it was about?"
He shook his head, but even though he decided not to tell her about it, he found himself mumbling, "You."
"Me?" She looked at him in surprise, even though she figured it had to have been about her by the way he looked at her. He nodded briefly, looking down. "About the Wire?"
He nodded again. "I was so scared," He mumbled, clearly still shaken up. "Terrified. I had no idea what to do without you."
Still surprised - since when is he so open about his feelings? - she gently caressed his cheek. "It was just a nightmare," She assured him. "I'm right here."
"I wanted to kill them," He whispered, "For doing that to you and just leaving you outside. I was so scared I'd never see you again. I thought... I'd rather give them everyone but you if they gave you your face and mind back."
"What?" Hearing his words, she slowly realised he wasn't talking about his nightmare, but about the day they've gone through. He seemed shaken up enough to be telling the truth without even realising it.
"I was so scared, Rose," He whispered, clearly not hearing her question. Letting go of her, he leaned towards her and buried his face in her neck, hugging her tightly. "I don't know what I'd have done if I lost you," He mumbled into her neck.
Not entirely sure what to do, she hugged him back. "It's alright, Doctor," She mumbled soothingly. "I'm right here."
"Oh, Rose." Sudden wetness against he skin told her he was now letting go of the tears he was holding back. "I was so alone. I had to make it work to get you back. I don't know what I would have done had I lost you today." He took another shaky breath. "I took you for granted. I didn't even realise how much I need you."
She was grateful that he was still pressing his face against her neck as she tried to understand how to respond to the Doctor's sudden burst of emotions. She loved him, she knew it; and hearing him saying those words made her hope the feeling was mutual. On the other hand, she knew it was impossible. He was the Doctor, and she was nothing but a friend to him. His words still made her blush, though, and she was afraid that if he looks up he'll see everything written on her face. He'd take her back home if he ever finds out.
He didn't give her the chance to respond, though.
"I had to make sure they wouldn't take you again. But then I fell asleep and they got you, and I didn't even get the chance to tell you how much I love you," He blurted out, still holding her tightly. She froze. "I couldn't save you this time. They took you away and I was so alone again. I told myself I'd never take my eyes off of you and then I fell asleep and they got you and I thought there's no point for surviving anymore because you're gone. I shouldn't have let myself fall asleep-"
"Doctor," She cut him off softly, knowing he was now talking about his dream, "It was just a dream. I'm here. I'm here and I'm fine." She forced him away so he could look at her. "See? My face is back. I'm fine."
He stared at her, his eyes slightly red as tears kept streaming down his cheeks. "You're here," He whispered, his fingers once again touching her face.
"I'm here," She agreed. "And I'm never leaving."
"Never?"
Cupping his cheeks gently, she nodded, smiling softly. The mess of emotions within her could be dealt with later. Right now he needed her to be strong. "Never."
He returned her a small smile. "Thank god you're here," He mumbled before leaning towards her again until his lips met hers and he was kissing her forcefully and desperately.
Feeling his kiss, she froze. It didn't make any sense. Why would he be kissing her? Was his nightmare really that bad that his way of showing relief was kissing her?
Feeling her shock, he pulled back. His eyes showed her just how vulnerable he felt as he looked at her, one of his hands gently cupping her cheek. Tears rising up her throat, she mumbled, "Why are you kissing me?"
He seemed surprised to hear the question. "Because I love you," He replied immediately, his eyes still vulnerable and somewhat-hurt.
She blinked in surprise. She'd hoped, yes, but she never even dared to believe... "You do?"
"'Course I do," He mumbled, suddenly looking down. "Rose, please don't leave because of that. Please. I don't-"
Deciding she didn't want to hear whatever he had to say, she pulled him back to her and kissed him, effectively cutting him off. At first he was surprised, but he quickly started kissing her back, his tongue studying her mouth. She let him, simply enjoying the feeling of the Doctor holding her that way, her eyes automatically drifting shut. When she pulled back, needing air, he started kissing his way down her neck, not wanting to let her go.
Eventually, though, she stopped him. "Come on, Doctor," She said softly, pulling him up. "Let's go get some sleep."
He shook his head at the idea. "No. No sleep."
She gently cupped his cheeks, looking at him seriously. "We need some sleep," She said quietly, "Or we'd both collapse."
His eyes widened in horror. "But..."
"Come on, let's get some sleep."
Slowly, he nodded. "You won't leave?" He asked, his hand taking hers, moving it away from his face and holding it tightly.
She shook her head. "I promise," She replied before pulling him after her to his room.
The Doctor woke up to the feeling of someone stroking his hair. Smiling at the sensation, he slowly started tracing the night's events. He slept well after his nightmare - really slept, like he hasn't done in ages. Thank god Rose was there.
His face drained of all colour the moment he remembered that.
Oh, no. He did not just tell her he loved her, did he? He did not just tell her how much she meant to him and how he feels about her, and he did not just kiss her! He didn't, did he?
Except he did. And the only reason she was in his bed now, gently stroking his hair, had to have been that she felt sorry for him. She probably just wanted to make sure he's alright before she leaves.
"Doctor?" She mumbled. She must've noticed he woke up. His eyes shot open, horror filling them. Her hand slowly moves away from him, her eyes filling with a mixture of fear and concern. "You okay?" She asked hesitantly.
"Rose..." Oh, no. He had to undo the damage he must have caused, and he had to do it quickly. "What I said last night..."
"It wasn't true?" She mumbled, looking away.
Even though she looked away, he could still see the disappointment in her eyes. Something didn't seem right, but seeing those pain and disappointment written all over her face, he couldn't lie to her. "No," He whispered, "Of course it was true."
She looked up at him, hope shining in her eyes. "But?"
"Don't leave," He whispered, cupping her cheeks. "Please don't leave because of that. I know you probably want to, but please-"
"Why would I leave you?" She asked, truly surprised.
He looked away. "Because I love you."
She sighed, slightly frustrated. "Doctor, why do you think I stayed here all night?"
She wasn't really implying what he thought she was, was she? Impossible. "Because you were worried?" She raised her eyebrows. "Because... because you felt sorry for me?" Her eyes seemed to be asking him if he was serious. Impossible. "But... But you can't love me!" He blurted out, staring at her in shock.
She frowned. "Why not?"
"You're Rose!" He stressed her name, trying to tell her just how brilliant he thought she was. "I'm... I'm..."
"You're the most amazing man I've ever known," She said softly.
His eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"
One of her hands gently cupped his cheek. "Of course you are," She admitted quietly. "And I love you." With those words she leaned towards him and pressed her lips to his, silencing whatever response he had to that.
Smiling against her lips, he kissed her back, pulling her closer. Rose was there, with him. He would never take her for granted again. And more than everything, he would never let anything take her away from him again. Not her face, not her mind, nothing. Rose was his, and that was the only thing he cared about.