A/N: This is my first The Secret Circle fic, hope you all enjoy. To those who thought this update was a Smallville fic, sorry! I will get back to writing for Chloe&Oliver, eventually... I hope! Also, Diana Meade is my bb, love her.
Disclaimer: This is the work and play of fanfiction. I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their respective owners. The lyrics at the end are from Ghost they belong to Umbrellas.
prepared people take your places
He's trying. It's all he's been doing. It's there deep inside him, he knows it's there but he can't recall it. He can't reach it. Oh, how he wants to reach it. "She'smyhomeshe'smyhomeshe'smyhome," he tells himself in the confinement of his bedroom. The words are hollow to his ears, empty of everything she was, is, to him. 'Sheissheisshe,' he repeats in his mind. 'She is everything,' he thinks. 'But she's nothing,' his heart whispers.
He closes his eyes tightly. Sharp blue eyes, shiny blonde hair… NO! Warm brown eyes, soft brown hair, homehomehome. Sharp blue eyes, shiny blonde hair, wonder, destiny. Destiny. He snaps open his eyes and shakes his head, hoping that his thoughts will fall away in the process. He loves Diana, he doesn't know Cassie, but the pull… the goddamn pull. It's more than he can handle. It's everything, he can feel it in his bones, in his very cells. It's electrifying and terrifying all in one. It would be so easy, so very easy. But he loves Diana, he's in love with her, or so he thinks. No, he knows. Dianadianadiana. Cassie. He groans and turns over on his bed to bury his face on his pillow.
Her laughter surrounds him. It's light and warm and so very soothing. Her hand in his hand is everything he knows. Her presence is welcoming and comfortable. She is everything. She has been everything for so long. And when he looks into her eyes he feels like he belongs, like this is all he will ever need. He smiles at her and leans to kiss her lips but when they press against hers he doesn't feel it anymore. None of it. She stares at him, and she senses the difference. There's a burning in his hand that makes him pull away and she frowns at him. He takes a step back instead of forward towards her. His mind is racing. He tries to move to her but moves back instead. The tears in her eyes are obvious and he wants to rush forward and wipe them away but he can't. He has no control. She drops her chin to her chest and then raises her face to look up at him. A broken smile on her face and he knows what it means. It kills him to be the cause of it but he can't express how sorry he really is. Something else is calling to him, he can feel it. It's bigger than him, so much more than them. She steps back and he wants to yell 'I'm sorry, please don't leave me!' but this pull won't let him. The sensation it causes reassures him that he will be ok with her gone. It rushes over him, this unknown feeling and he's excited but at the same time hesitant. He doesn't want to see her go. Never her, but this is new and different and it feels oh, so right. Like he's falling into place, where he truly belongs.
A small hand wraps around his and the feeling is something he can't explain. He glances down at the girl next to him and his heart speeds up. Her sharp blue eyes are mesmerizing and they draw him in, in wonder and curiosity. He's nervous and she must've noticed it because her hand tightens on his and she smiles warmly up at him, washing over him. Easing his erratically beating heart. He grins at her, only for it to falter when warm brown eyes flash in his mind. It's gone as quickly as it had come. Like a distant memory. Something so far away he can't recall if it was ever real or simply a dream he just can't seem to place. The petite girl stands on the tips of her toes and presses her lips to his, a spark permeates him. It's everything he' been waiting for, he realizes. He closes his eyes and leans further into the kiss letting all the other memories fall from within his dreams.
His eyes snap open. His bed is vibrating and he reaches for the object responsible, his phone. It's Diana. He sits up quickly, preparing to apologize and ask her to give them another chance. He makes as if he's going to answer but the pull stops him. He searches his mind for those real-life dreams, the ones that he's been trying so had to reach. The ones he desperately wants to hold on to. He closes his eyes tightly once again. There's nothing. He searches for something, a spark, anything that belongs to him and her. He's empty of them. He sighs deeply and opens his eyes. He's about to answer when a text message cuts through the call. He ignores the call and responds to the text, forgetting what he was trying to do not only some some minutes ago.
Deep inside of him there's a part that still remembers, that can still recall those dreams. It's that part that is fully aware of the hurt he will cause her and it is that part that must let her go, because Diana deserves everything he cannot give her anymore. He hopes that one day she can forgive him for what he's about to put her through.
[It's the vivid dreams that fall away from our memory,
I won't be your sorrow anymore or that crutch that validates those pictures inside your head…]