AN/ Inspiration hit last night while listening to 'Glitter in the Air' by P!nk (: I'm still continuing both 'Plan B' and 'Never Let Me Go', but I just couldn't sleep until I finished writing this.
Brittana/Santittany (whichever one you prefer to call them as) is meant to be. If you dont think so then you dont exactly have a reason to be here. If femslash offends you then you also again shouldnt be here. (btw with hints of Faberry...they arent the main focus here)
Glitter In the Air
"Alright class so Regionals…" Mr. Schue stops talking as he notices a raised hand, "Uh…Yes Santana?"
The Latina stands up from her seat in the back and clears her throat, "I was wondering if I could sing something?"
It came out more like a question and the fact that the confident bitchy Latina was gone, didn't go unnoticed by anyone.
Least of all a blue eyed blonde.
The Spanish teacher fumbles for a second until a pointed look from a certain brunette diva brought him back to his senses, "Oh well sure of course Santana. The floor is yours."
As he steps away from the middle of the room, Santana walks down to the area he just vacated.
Taking a calming breath she shrugs slightly and lifts her arms out to the side as if it say, 'this is all of me, all I can offer.'
"This song…Well the song I picked is pretty much everything. And I know it isn't badass for 'Santana Lopez' to expose herself but whatever, I'm doing it and if anyone has anything to say about it then they can stuff it."
She looks at everyone while she speaks, eyes hardening on certain people, softening when meeting encouraging hazel eyes and warm brown ones of Quinn and Rachel, both of whom are giving her looks of encouragement. When her eyes finally meet with her blue ones she almost backs down because he puts his hand in her lap.
The fact that the blonde doesn't acknowledge him only gives her slight satisfaction.
"I don't think I need to say out loud who this if for. I just hope…" she sighs and furrows her brow slightly, before carefully letting out, "Please listen. I know you'll get this. You have to."
With that the Latina turns to Brad and nods her head slowly, clearing her throat and turning back to the audience, willing herself not to look at the blonde, at least not for the entire song.
"Have you ever fed a lover with just your hand? Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever, thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?"
She takes a breath and closes her eyes for a second before opening them up and immediately locking eyes with her blue eyed blonde, "It's only half passed the point of no return. The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn, The thunder before the lightening, and the breath before the phrase. Have you ever felt this way?"
The guitar finally comes in and harmonizes beautifully with the piano and Santana takes a second to try and compose herself. Since the song started her voice was all kinds of raw and absolutely cracking from the amount of sheer emotion.
Her previous attempts at not looking at Brittany completely forgotten she begins the next verse strongly, her eyes full of emotions, all of her guards down, "Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?"
She takes another calming breath, willing herself not to cry because badasses don't cry while singing their souls out, "Your whole life waiting on a ring to prove you're not alone."
The double entendre lost on no one.
The fact that everyone that was present is now sitting in absolute rapture watching Santana quite literally bare her soul goes absolutely unnoticed by Santana.
She is, in all senses of the words, singing to her blonde.
Rachel holds back her tears at the emotional Latina before them as Quinn slides a hand into hers and squeezes, her own hazel eyes swimming in unshed tears.
"Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?"
Santana quickly steals a glance at Rachel and Quinn then quickly back to Brittany, "It's only half passed the point of oblivion, the hour glass on the table, the walk before the run. The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames. Have you ever felt this way?"
She closes her eyes and with each note the present company could palpably feel every ounce of emotion flow from her.
"La la la la la la la la…" Her eyes open and they're over flowing with pain and love and Brittany feels herself gasp at the pure volume of everything.
"There you are, sitting in the garden, clutching my coffee, calling me sugar. You called me sugar, oh."
She pauses, her chest heaving slightly for a second before she continues, taking the smallest step forward towards Brittany, "Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lasso the moon and the stars and pull that rope tight? Have you ever," all the music and sound stops for a split second and in that split second all you can hear is Santana taking in a breath, "Held your breath and asked yourself, 'will it ever get better than tonight?' Tonight."
As she holds the note for a while, she closes her eyes and the final piano notes ring in the air.
As Santana stands there gaining her composure, the whole club was sitting in stunned silence until finally Rachel stands up and speaks, tentatively, almost not wanting to break the spell, "I think I speak for the club in its entirety when I say that that was absolutely the most beautiful and heartfelt rendition I've ever heard. Santana that was perfection."
She offers the tiny brunette a small smile. After all the diva and Quinn were pretty good friends of hers. The midget turned out to be a pretty good friend and a lot easier to hang out with when with Quinn.
Quinn gives her a smile as well, while slipping a hand around Rachel's waist nodding her agreement.
That seemed to have awakened the club as they all finally snap out of it and give her a standing ovation.
Her eyes every now and then travel up to Brittany and then to the floor. She'd leaning in and talking to Artie.
After the applause die down, she contemplates leaving the choir room, but then makes her way slowly to her seat in the back of the room, followed by Rachel and Quinn.
Glee club continued on normally as if nothing had happened. Except something did happen.
And that something was the apparent resident bitch+badass just laid out her heart and soul again by singing a song to Brittany.
Santana watches on completely lost in thought, thinking back to the day she announced her song choice to both Quinn and Rachel.
xoxoxo
"I want to sing 'Glitter in the Air'."
Rachel looks up from her laptop where she was searching for a song, "The Pink song?"
Quinn rolls over onto her side and pauses her search through all three of their iPods, "Is it good? Wait sorry, it's Pink of course it's good…I meant ya know."
Santana nods her head, sighing, "Yeah, it's good."
The Latina takes a seat on the floor, folding her legs, "Look I'm a badass and my rep is totally at jeopardy here but…I trust you guys okay?"
The other two occupants of the room nod their heads, Quinn smiling at her lightly, "I may have done some not so cool things in the past but you know I've got your back S, you're one of my best friends."
Santana nods her head, "It's like she dove into my head or something." She glances at Rachel, "You've heard the song…think back and tell me it isn't almost perfect. I'm pretty sure you'd be the first one to get all the imagery and shit from it."
Rachel pulls up the lyrics, and reads off the first few lines and Santana smiles and decides to let them in on her reasoning, "It starts with a wish and so much emotion. Like the title of the song: have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? I mean, that's me totally giving up control, throwing myself into the wind and not caring about what kind of mess it makes, and not even knowing what's going to happen, but trusting it—looking fear in the face and saying "I just don't care", that's exactly it. This is me saying to hell with consequences ya know? I'm reaching out my hand, feeding her my heart and trusting her not to break it or hurt me."
Quinn nods, and she sits down now across from Santana on the floor, also crossing her legs Indian style, listening intently, having never heard particular song before.
Rachel smiles slightly, not quite surprised that Santana was actually quite a big romantic at heart, and that she was incredibly adept at picking up meanings behind this song. The tiny brunette reads off the next few lines.
Santana nods and closes her eyes tightly as if trying to keep all the images in her head, "So much hope and doubt, unpredictability, and raw feeling—the tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn, the breath before the phrase, the thunder before the lightning— I mean just the last two of them put together right next to each other, people talking, compared to lightening? A simple breath with all the weight and power of thunder? That's absolute truth."
Quinn and Rachel catch each other's eyes and they let out a collective breath they hadn't realized they'd been holding. On both of their minds is one thing. Santana Lopez is deep and so help them they weren't about to lose her now that she'd finally let them in.
The tiny diva clears her throat and continues reading off the next lines bringing her laptop down off of the desk (even though it's better for one's back to work over it on a desk) and sits down besides Quinn.
Quinn gasps out loud and nearly cries at realizing the double-entendre of "waiting on a ring".
Santana nods, "I know Q, how perfect right? That ties up *both* the beginning and the peak of a relationship, waiting for a phone call, waiting for a proposal, and how important those two points are; how incredible life-changing and joyous, or how completely desolate and lonely. Either way. I mean, this is some epic shit."
Rachel clears her throat again and before reading off the next line, Santana does it instead, "'Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?' Because so many times, the touch has been harsh, time has killed small parts of her, this animal of love that she had trusted had bitten her, the trust was betrayed, the decision went the other way; all of that, all the pain and loneliness of simply being human, and then one person comes in and with a gentle touch, a moment of happiness, contrasted against all that thunder and lightning, against strangers, against time, against everything that is wrong about life; it's almost spiritual when it goes right. Have you ever told someone you're not particularly close to, your deepest feelings? And let them in on your hurt and found out maybe you'll love them? "
Santana doesn't wait for Rachel to read any more lines, instead she explains her point of view without pause, "And throughout, the sense of endless passage of time and the constant evolution, of being able to grasp this thing, this animal, only for a moment before it disappears completely: "it's only half past the point of oblivion," (time will eventually undo all), "the hourglass on the table, the walk before the run"—soon the time will be up, everything will speed up, the glitter will be on the floor, the mess will have to be dealt with, reality will set back in, but "have you ever felt this way?" Just for a moment?"
She takes a breath and looks up to find both Quinn and Rachel listening to her, and she knows that that's it, even though she's never let anyone really see the way she works, she's doing it now and she's glad she's trusting them, because despite everything she knows they'll have her back.
"Then the image of
that moment. There they are, a lover, just in a day to day moment, sitting in the garden with her coffee, calling her Sugar. So simple, so clear, but this is a moment of pure, unadulterated happiness: a time in her life that's completely right. Yet, it's nested between this fear of the passage of time, the fear of a beginning and the fear of an end, in-between absolutely everything that has happened and could happen and will happen, and somehow, in the midst of it all, she still manages to be so happy.
And she wants to keep that, so badly—she wants it to pause, she wants to be in this moment forever, she wants to lasso the moon, do the impossible, hold your breath so maybe—just maybe—time stops. And have you ever asked yourself, "Will it ever get better than tonight?" Time will keep marching on, and the uncertainty in that question—it's not rhetorical I don't think—is astounding. Will there ever be a moment better than this one, ever? If not, then what does that mean for the rest of her life? What if things go sour? What if time keeps slipping? What if these moments fade away and we can't keep them?"
She didn't really mean in the beginning to open up so much, but here she was and again she was glad that it was Quinn and Rachel. They wouldn't make fun of her, they wouldn't judge her.
Santana shrugs as she continues, "It's bittersweet. The best moments of our lives will pass. "Have you ever" is repeated so many times in this song, and for good reason—this is a memory. This is in the past. She's looking back on it with reverence, as a sequence of events that led up to the best one she can remember, one that she looks at in awe and amazement, one that she recognizes is so beautiful that she may never have another experience exactly like it ever again. And there's something deeply sad about that, about that entire condition, which is, I think, why this isn't exactly a happy song."
She inconspicuously wipes her eyes, "But it is real. So real. Love is not happy, love is not sweet, nor is it sour or bitter or unkind. It is all of those things at once, and sometimes none at all. One moment may be an absolute divine revelation, the next might be having coffee in the garden, the next might be goodbye, or a phone call or maybe a proposal, and after that could be anything. But all of that is part of love and part of life. And here we are sitting in the middle of it, taking just one moment at a time, and how crazy and amazing it is that you're sitting here calling me sugar drinking coffee in the midst of a hurricane of emotions; that you are the eye of the storm, an incredible calm when everything before is painful, everything after is uncertain, and everything around is spinning wildly. Will it ever get better than tonight?"
She smiles at them before saying, "I think the last note this song leaves is positive, uplifting, if only that she leaves that question open, waiting to be answered: maybe with you here, it will get better. We can have more of this. It is possible, and as hard as it is to believe, she just has to trust it."
Quinn sniffles, and quickly tries to hide it. The HBIC doesn't cry, regardless of her ex-cheerio status. Rachel however reaches her hand and wipes an errant tear from the blonde's cheek and holds it for a second before looking at Santana and smiling at her, "I think that's beautiful San."
Quinn rolls her eyes, "Who'd have known under that badass exterior was someone so freakin deep and sh-stuff." She censors herself these days, seeing as Rachel really doesn't like cursing.
Santana smiles, "She brings it out in me." They all know she isn't talking about Pink.
Quinn smiles back at her, "I think it's a great song S."
Xoxox
"S."
She finally comes back to the present to see the glee clubbers all moving to leave the room, she glances to her left and sees Quinn poking her.
"We're gonna go now, we'll be waiting outside. If you need anything call."
She furrows her brow, "What?"
Rachel nudges her and whispers, "Brittany's waiting to talk to you. She sent Artie off even before the bell rang."
Santana looks around the room and sure enough, sitting at the piano and playing on the keys was her blonde, her face unreadable.
The Latina nods her head, looking back at Rachel, "I guess I better get going before one of us, namely me, chickens out."
The diva smiles warmly at her, "Go get her San." Turning towards the blonde she reaches out a hand, "Quinn?"
The blonde smiles at her, tucking her hair behind her ear before taking her hand and walking out of the room.
The Latina takes a breath, "This is it." She whispers to herself walking over towards Brittany.
"B?"
She lets out the breath and throws a fistful of glitter in the air.
AN/ Please read and review? Let me know what you think...please? If it's absolute crap or otherwise, I just would love to hear some feedback. Thank you (: