A.N: Hey Guys, TurtleJesus here reporting for duty. So this little story here which will probably have around 15 1K chapters will pretty much be a bashfest on anyone important in the PJ series. Percy is gonna speak his opinions on everyone and no one will like it. He will be saying what most of us have thought about certain characters at one stage or another so read and review with what you would like to see next.
Chapter Uno: WTF?
"Perseus Jackson, Son of Poseidon and Saviour of Olympus step forward" Zeus thundered, his voice echoing around the packed throne room. It was just hours after the defeat of Kronos, Titan of Time and evil dude of evilness, and people of all sorts were in the throne room watching the reward ceremony. Everyone looked around eagerly to see if they could catch a glimpse of the main hero, the one who ended the war. After 5 seconds of anxious shifting and anticipating silence with no one stepping forward Zeus called out impatiently once more with a scowl of anger marring his face. Finally a 16 year old boy with black windswept hair and mischievous sea green eyes stepped forward taking one last bite of the apple in his hands before throwing it behind his shoulder.
"sowy bat dat, deded fid" Said Percy whilst munching on the food in his mouth looking unconcerned about the look of disgust Artemis, maiden Goddess of the hunt and all round man-hating bitch.
"We didn't quite get that can you please say it again" Asked Poseidon, Percy's dad, whilst looking at him weirdly.
"Ah, I said Sorry about that but I needed some food" Replied Percy after swallowing.
"Enough," Yelled Zeus, "Perseus Jackson for your outstanding courage and bravery within the war with the unparalleled amount of help you have given us we have agreed to give you a wish of your choice".
"Really, anything?" Percy questioned looking hopefully up at the gods, paying them his full attention for the first time.
"Yes anything, including godhood if you wish" Grumbled Zeus looking extremely unhappy about it. In fact looking around about half the gods seemed unhappy. Percy stood there looking thoughtful for a moment but if you knew him well you could tell he already had his mind made up and was just being dramatic.
"Can you please swear on the River Styx to grant me my wish?" Percy asked staring around the Gods.
"YOU DARE BOY TO QUESTION US" Roared Artemis actually standing up with spittle flying out her mouth, the word boy being spat like it was the worst insult in the world. Percy looked at the other Gods and Goddess and all of them looked annoyed, their expressions ranging from small frowns to Artemis' outburst.
Percy shrugged like he didn't notice that he had just pissed off some of the most powerful beings in the universe, "I got told to always get a solemn oath".
Hades who was sitting in the back, shadows cast over his face leaned forward and whispered "Guilty as charged", not looking apologetic at all. It was then Percy noticed that Athena was looking at Percy intrigued. After a few moments of silence with nothing but the shifting of people in the crowd's clothes shifting, Athena spoke, "I say we swear the oath but make sure we add reasonable in front of wish." Zeus looked furious for a moment before getting his emotions back under control.
"We swear on the river Styx to grant Perseus Jackson his reasonable wish so long as it is under our power to do so" boomed Zeus before looking at Percy expectantly. Percy smirked at him before looking around at all the gods, Major and Minor, the demi-gods, the Cyclopes and the nature spirits. Everyone stood there holding their breath expecting him to make a selfless wish that would help them all but what he said just stunned them.
"I wish to state my opinion on anyone and anything with no repercussion so long as I do not harm them physically." Stated Percy looking around at the completely baffled crowd.
"Perseus you could have anything you want and this is what you ask for, why?" Questioned Hera, to confused to even muster up enough hatred to do her normal glare. Percy looked thoughtful for a minute before replying, "Well, as you know I have ADHD which means I get completely random thoughts but I can't say them because of what the consequences might be, also there is some stuff that needs to be said like it is but no one wants to hear it and would most likely kill the person who says it".
"Ok we grant you your wish" Said Zeus looking happy that he didn't have to put up with Percy for eternity.
"Ah yeah one more thing, every Saturday night I'm going to set up and tell my opinion about something so I would be grateful if you could broadcast it on Hephaestus TV" Said Percy looking pleadingly at them. Zeus muttered something under his breath involving several curse words before saying deal.
"Woohoo" Cheered Percy loudly running out the room whilst giving whoops of excitement.
"I'm not too sure about this brothers" stated Hades whilst watching the retreating figure, both Zeus and Poseidon nodded the agreement. Later they would learn that giving Percy that wish was probably one of the worst decisions the council had ever made.
A.N: So there it is the first chapter of Saying It Like It Is! So as you found out by reading the chapter Percy can say what he wants when he wants without getting in trouble, with it even being broadcast to the whole mythological world. I'm thinking of doing it in order of when they appear in the books, so Percy will be bashing Grover first with Annabeth second and Camp half-blood third and so on and so forth.
Please read and review, especially if you have any ideas on what to say about certain character.
TurtleJesus.