Holy Batbullsh!t, Joker!
Notes: Inspired by a comment in Dallas W. brilliant "Mary Sue" fic. Even though it was inspired by the fic my fic is just fucking weird, and has scenes that no one should envision, let alone a 16 year old.
Adam West and The Joker conspire to Kill Christian Bale, So Adam West can be the ultimate Batman. Also they're gay lovers.
On a clear Chicago –I MEAN GOTHAM. Gotham…..on a clear Gotham night, the Joker was resting peacefully, like a little make up covered...crazy clown.
Clowns are scary….
A drunken clown chased me at a circus once.
Anyway, so the Joker was resting peacefully, eyes flittering behind closed lids. No doubt dreaming about killing sheep as they jump over the fence. Or throwing a little kids rubber ball into the street, laughing gleefully as he runs after it, getting splattered by an oncoming car, and the clown prince of crime just laughs and laughs.
My god, is this a comedy?
The Jokers restful sleep was interrupted however, by—
"KaPoW! BLAM!"
Lazily the Joker stretched and blinked his eyes open. Tongue darting out to lick his scars, the Joker smach his lips before asking.
"Whhaat aRe you DoooOing, Beauotiful?"
Adam West turn to his lover with a serious expression.
"I'm throwing Bat-darts at a picture of the nefarious Christian Bale."
"Again, sweet-cheeks."
Flustered, "I hate this imposter so much." Adam said, his cheeks turning red. "His good deeds and lack of bad puns must be stopped!"
"Shshshshs Shush!" The Joker is petting Adam West now. "Weee Will kill the Batman. Then you'll be Batman. I promise beauootifulll."
"Thank you, Caesar."
"I'M NOT CAESAR ROMONO!" The Joker yelled, with a knife that he pulled almost out of air now being held inside Adams mouth.
"Bahjby, Ykjhdsu reugly majkhdye thhea elecjhkahfgtlajric eeeeeeuhl n mwhy pphants wiguhal!" Adam's garbeled works were like music to the Jokers ears.
Joker takes his knife out. "What Hunny-bunny?"
"I said. Baby, you really make the electric eel in my pants wiggle."
The Joker smiles sexily, "YoOou're sUch the charmer."
The Joker licks his lips and scars again.
Adam pulls Joker close, "Baby, let's rumba!"
Joker get's excited "OoOoOoO yay! Sex!"
Forlorn, Adam We put away his maraca's.
Then the Joker and Adam West go on to have sex on satin purple sheets with a green comforter, hardcore bondage sex with whips and gags.
Yeah.
Try not to think about that for the rest of your life.
Adam west biting into the pillow as Joker pounds him, screaming "WHY SO SERIOUS!"
Yeah, it' just awful huh?
Sweat dripping from Adam West's forehead as he looms over the Joker, thrusting.
FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP! Popping up in huge neon captions.
FLAP FLAP FLAP FLAP!
WUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHOHOHOHHOHAHEHOHTEEHEHEHHAHAHAHOHO!
And then they cuddle.
God, I can write better then this. Why am I doing this?
Hours and sore assess later…
Nestled in Adam's arms, the Joker sighed contently.
"Youu know, Adam. Uh…you're like the only one who GET'S me. You're so understanding."
Adam's finger lightly trace the scars on Joker's face. "Because I'm not bothered by your Herpes. Valtrex is wonderful."
THAT'S RIGHT! It's HERPES not SCARS! HAHAHAHAHA!
The Joker smiled at Adam and leaned up to kiss him when BAM!
Burt Ward dressed as Robin smashes through the door.
A neon sign saying Smash appears out of nowhere and engulfs Burt Ward.
"Holy annoying signs Batman! I think it's tipping over."
The giant neon signed wavered slightly. Then fell on Burt Ward.
"MMMPHHHH!"
"Don't worry Boy Wonder! I'll save you!" Adam is about to get out of bed when MURRAY-SAM enters through the door.
"Oh, Hey boss." Murray-Sam nods to the Joker. "Mrs. Boss" He nods to the Adam West.
A muffled yell emits from the beneath the neon SMASH sign.
"AHHHHH!" Murray-Sam startled pulls out his pistol and starts shooting the sign. Little blood pours out the sign and the muffled yell ceases.
"…Oh no." Adam drops to his knees and curses the heavens and Christian Bale.
Confused, Murray-Sam shyly asks, "What I do now?"
The Joker, now wearing a purple robe strolls up to the Murray-Sam and the neon sign.
"Nothing. Well, you killed Burt Ward." The Joker shrugged casually. Adam is crying now and sucking on a pacifier.
"Oh." Murray-Sam wasn't sure how to take it. Was this a bad thing? He thought in Italics.
"No it's not, I answer your inquiry. Now, Why so spooked, Bob."
"Don't call me, Bob. Jack killed Bob. You're not going to kill me are you Boss?" Murray-Sam nervously asked.
Joker's face scrunched up in amusement and mock sincerity, "Pish posh! Of course not, Sammy. You're…my number 1 guy."
"Shit."
The Joker crackled at this. He crackles at a lot of things. This bus narrowly missed a woman with a baby carriage, turning sharply. It crashed. Then exploded, 15 people died. That made the Joker crackle, especially when it turned out that the woman was no mother at all, and the baby carriage was filled with drugs! Oh how he laughed.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'd laugh too!
Murray-Sam's eyes bulged. "Who was that laughing!"
"God." The Joker coolly replied.
"Really?" Murray-sam asked with big doe eyes. Like Bambi. Big Bambi eyes. Bambi died, right? He does in my story.
"Well, that's one way to look it. Without him we wouldn't be doing the things we're are doing. Or is he writing because we're doing things?" The Harrlequin of Hate considers.
"Ummm" Murray-sam's pondering is silenced when a Chinese satellite falls through the ceiling, narrowing missing the Joker. Murray-Sam burns dies in a disturbing way. It's quite the mess.
DISTURBING
MESS!
DISTURBING MESS!
Joker cradles Adam West into his arms. "Shhshshsshsh, it's ok baby. We'll get you a new Robin. That Chris Kid doesn't do anything, I'm sure he'd like the money."
Adam, sniffling "Can he wear the green short-short shorts?"
"Of course."
TBC…