Title: Don't Leave
Author: PixieDustBunny
Disclaimer: hello?? it's called *fan* fiction. XF are obviously not mine. too bad.
Additional Disclaimer: the song lyrics found throughout the story are not mine. they belong to
the wonderfully sexy Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty. Rob Thomas wrote the lyrics. The song
is called "Leave" and is on their second album, Mad Season. You people *really* need to hear
this album. For the mood of this story, you need to listen to this song.
Credit: credit also goes to Matchbox Twenty for inspiring me!
Rating: PG-13 just to be safe
Author's notes: the point of view changes a lot. Pay attention to whom the letter is
addressed.
Feedback: yes please!
Spoilers: Seasons Eight and Nine. just to be safe.
Dear Dana Scully,
*****************************************
*It's amazing *
*how you make your face just like a wall*
*****************************************
Sometimes I can't tell what you're thinking. You are so good at detaching yourself from our
work. I know it gets to you, especially when little girls are involved. They remind you of
Emily. But from the outside looking in, no one can tell. Sometimes the walls you build get
so high that I can't even tell, except I know how you think. Scully, you need to open up every
once in a while. It'll get to you if you're not careful.
*****************************************
*how you take your heart and turn it off*
*how I turn my head and lose it all *
*****************************************
Scully, I know you love me. Even if you don't know it yet. But you will. I know you know I
love you. I always have. How can you run away from it? What are you afraid of? I guess I
can hold it back, but only to a point. Every once in I while, I see you let go. Like when we
drive. I'll be driving; we won't be talking. I glance over to see you staring at me. I see
the love in your eyes. But as soon as they disappear. They are back up. The walls. You hide
behind them. You feel exposed.
You don't have anything to be afraid of, Scully. I love you. I won't hurt you.
*************************************
*It's unnerving *
*how just one move puts me by myself*
*************************************
They say that our lives are a journey. We often come crossroads in our lives. What we decide
will change our lives forever. But some of the decisions are not up to us. I didn't mean to
be abducted. I know you understand this, but I want you to know that I didn't want it to turn
out like this. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry.
*****************************************
*there you go just trusting someone else*
*****************************************
You don't know how much I hated John Doggett when I met him. I was hurt. I felt replaced. I
understand know why it happened like it did. But I still feel slightly betrayed. I was
jealous.
***************************************
*now I know I put us both through hell*
***************************************
I look into your eyes, and I can tell you've aged. Not physically, mind you. You are still
beautiful. It's just that your eyes are old. Like you've seen too much. Like you've been
through too much. I know that all of that is my fault. You don't know how sorry I am.
************************************************
*I'm not saying *
*there wasn't nothing wrong *
*I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me*
************************************************
I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not easy to put up with. I guess I never actually thought
that you would give up on me. I never wanted you to. I wish you hadn't.
********************************************
I'm not saying *
we ever had the right to hold on *
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me*
********************************************
Really, the fact that I had the X Files for this long is amazing. I always expected for it to
end. I just didn't think that by ending I meant being booted off for another agent. But that's
not what mattered. Or matters. It's that another man replaced me in your life. I don't want
to lose you. I can't live without you. But I guess I never really had you.
************************************
*But if that's how it's gonna leave*
*straight out from underneath *
*then we'll see who's sorry now *
************************************
I know all good things must come to an end. I just regret it. I was naive to think that I
could have you. It's just hard because I feel like you were snatched from me. I didn't even
have a chance to fight for you. I would have fought for you, you know. I know you don't love
John, even if you think you do. But you will find out in time. I just can't sit around and
watch him sweep you off your feet.
**************************************
*If that's how it's gonna stand, when*
*you know you've been depending on *
*the one you're leaving now *
*the one you're leaving out *
**************************************
But if that's how you want it, who am I to stand in your way. I could beg, I could plead, I
could yell, I could cry, but what difference does it make? I know you're making a mistake, but
some mistakes have to be made so that people grow. And you will grow from this. Just don't
forget me. Please. Don't forget how much I love you. I would die for you. Don't forget that
you're leaving me behind.
*********************
*It's aggravating *
*how you threw me on*
*and you tore me out*
*********************
I'm so frustrated! I have always tried to be there for you. I really have. I know I've
fucked up. But I comforted you when I could. If I could, I would wrap myself around you and
protect you from the evil world. You know that. You knew that. But still, you couldn't take
it anymore. So you disposed of me. Even when I laid down my heart to you. When I see you with
John and Monica, you stomp on my heart. You are so happy. The age in your eyes disappears. You
broke my heart. I don't know if it can be fixed. But I don't want to sit around and see. I
don't want to sit around and let it break time after time.
****************************************
*how your good intentions turn to doubt*
*the way you needed time to sort it out*
****************************************
We never agreed on any theories on the cases. But somehow, we never let it get between us. You
always shot my ideas down, but never me. It was never about us. Somehow, we kept work out of
our friendship. Our relationship. We respected each other. We were perfect together. After I
returned, though, it changed. You changed. We changed. Things change, life goes on. It's
just that, our disagreements on our theories changed to disagreements on each other. On us.
We never spoke about any of this. We could see it in each other's eyes. When I wanted to
actually initiate the relationship that we have danced around for nine long years, I could
see you hesitate. Why? Was it out of fear? Please don't be afraid of me. Of us.
****************************************
*Tell me is that how it's going to end *
*when you know you've been depending on*
*the one you're leaving now *
*the one you're leaving out *
****************************************
Are we over, Scully? Is this where I leave. I know you need me. You just won't admit it. This
isn't about the X-Files anymore. I don't need the X Files. I need you. I don't mind not
having any involvement in the X Files whatsoever. I don't want to not be involved in your life
though. Don't leave me out.
Forever yours,
Fox Mulder
a/n: you like? review and see Scully's response upon reading the letter and then her letter
to Mulder. will they stay together? i don't know. mwahahahahahahahaha!
Author: PixieDustBunny
Disclaimer: hello?? it's called *fan* fiction. XF are obviously not mine. too bad.
Additional Disclaimer: the song lyrics found throughout the story are not mine. they belong to
the wonderfully sexy Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty. Rob Thomas wrote the lyrics. The song
is called "Leave" and is on their second album, Mad Season. You people *really* need to hear
this album. For the mood of this story, you need to listen to this song.
Credit: credit also goes to Matchbox Twenty for inspiring me!
Rating: PG-13 just to be safe
Author's notes: the point of view changes a lot. Pay attention to whom the letter is
addressed.
Feedback: yes please!
Spoilers: Seasons Eight and Nine. just to be safe.
Dear Dana Scully,
*****************************************
*It's amazing *
*how you make your face just like a wall*
*****************************************
Sometimes I can't tell what you're thinking. You are so good at detaching yourself from our
work. I know it gets to you, especially when little girls are involved. They remind you of
Emily. But from the outside looking in, no one can tell. Sometimes the walls you build get
so high that I can't even tell, except I know how you think. Scully, you need to open up every
once in a while. It'll get to you if you're not careful.
*****************************************
*how you take your heart and turn it off*
*how I turn my head and lose it all *
*****************************************
Scully, I know you love me. Even if you don't know it yet. But you will. I know you know I
love you. I always have. How can you run away from it? What are you afraid of? I guess I
can hold it back, but only to a point. Every once in I while, I see you let go. Like when we
drive. I'll be driving; we won't be talking. I glance over to see you staring at me. I see
the love in your eyes. But as soon as they disappear. They are back up. The walls. You hide
behind them. You feel exposed.
You don't have anything to be afraid of, Scully. I love you. I won't hurt you.
*************************************
*It's unnerving *
*how just one move puts me by myself*
*************************************
They say that our lives are a journey. We often come crossroads in our lives. What we decide
will change our lives forever. But some of the decisions are not up to us. I didn't mean to
be abducted. I know you understand this, but I want you to know that I didn't want it to turn
out like this. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry.
*****************************************
*there you go just trusting someone else*
*****************************************
You don't know how much I hated John Doggett when I met him. I was hurt. I felt replaced. I
understand know why it happened like it did. But I still feel slightly betrayed. I was
jealous.
***************************************
*now I know I put us both through hell*
***************************************
I look into your eyes, and I can tell you've aged. Not physically, mind you. You are still
beautiful. It's just that your eyes are old. Like you've seen too much. Like you've been
through too much. I know that all of that is my fault. You don't know how sorry I am.
************************************************
*I'm not saying *
*there wasn't nothing wrong *
*I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me*
************************************************
I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not easy to put up with. I guess I never actually thought
that you would give up on me. I never wanted you to. I wish you hadn't.
********************************************
I'm not saying *
we ever had the right to hold on *
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me*
********************************************
Really, the fact that I had the X Files for this long is amazing. I always expected for it to
end. I just didn't think that by ending I meant being booted off for another agent. But that's
not what mattered. Or matters. It's that another man replaced me in your life. I don't want
to lose you. I can't live without you. But I guess I never really had you.
************************************
*But if that's how it's gonna leave*
*straight out from underneath *
*then we'll see who's sorry now *
************************************
I know all good things must come to an end. I just regret it. I was naive to think that I
could have you. It's just hard because I feel like you were snatched from me. I didn't even
have a chance to fight for you. I would have fought for you, you know. I know you don't love
John, even if you think you do. But you will find out in time. I just can't sit around and
watch him sweep you off your feet.
**************************************
*If that's how it's gonna stand, when*
*you know you've been depending on *
*the one you're leaving now *
*the one you're leaving out *
**************************************
But if that's how you want it, who am I to stand in your way. I could beg, I could plead, I
could yell, I could cry, but what difference does it make? I know you're making a mistake, but
some mistakes have to be made so that people grow. And you will grow from this. Just don't
forget me. Please. Don't forget how much I love you. I would die for you. Don't forget that
you're leaving me behind.
*********************
*It's aggravating *
*how you threw me on*
*and you tore me out*
*********************
I'm so frustrated! I have always tried to be there for you. I really have. I know I've
fucked up. But I comforted you when I could. If I could, I would wrap myself around you and
protect you from the evil world. You know that. You knew that. But still, you couldn't take
it anymore. So you disposed of me. Even when I laid down my heart to you. When I see you with
John and Monica, you stomp on my heart. You are so happy. The age in your eyes disappears. You
broke my heart. I don't know if it can be fixed. But I don't want to sit around and see. I
don't want to sit around and let it break time after time.
****************************************
*how your good intentions turn to doubt*
*the way you needed time to sort it out*
****************************************
We never agreed on any theories on the cases. But somehow, we never let it get between us. You
always shot my ideas down, but never me. It was never about us. Somehow, we kept work out of
our friendship. Our relationship. We respected each other. We were perfect together. After I
returned, though, it changed. You changed. We changed. Things change, life goes on. It's
just that, our disagreements on our theories changed to disagreements on each other. On us.
We never spoke about any of this. We could see it in each other's eyes. When I wanted to
actually initiate the relationship that we have danced around for nine long years, I could
see you hesitate. Why? Was it out of fear? Please don't be afraid of me. Of us.
****************************************
*Tell me is that how it's going to end *
*when you know you've been depending on*
*the one you're leaving now *
*the one you're leaving out *
****************************************
Are we over, Scully? Is this where I leave. I know you need me. You just won't admit it. This
isn't about the X-Files anymore. I don't need the X Files. I need you. I don't mind not
having any involvement in the X Files whatsoever. I don't want to not be involved in your life
though. Don't leave me out.
Forever yours,
Fox Mulder
a/n: you like? review and see Scully's response upon reading the letter and then her letter
to Mulder. will they stay together? i don't know. mwahahahahahahahaha!