Chapter 1- Happiness Will Come to You When You Least Expect it but Probably Late March

"You know what, Warden? I think I'm rehabilitated. Really, the prison system has done its job and I'm ready to rejoin society as a healthy and productive non-super villain." He smiled disturbingly at the man glaring at him through the small round window. He reclined in his chair as if it were a throne, and his cell a reception hall.

"Not a chance, Megamind," Yato scowled at the name. He hated it, but of course it was the only one that stuck, because she had used it, once, sarcastically. "You're a villain, you'll never be anything but a villain."

"How cruel," he simpered, the trembling in his lower lips artificial. He swung both his feet over the arm of his chair and tilted his head back so that everything was upside down, the wardens scowl now a twisted smile. "You know I really am a sweet guy underneath all of the murder and black leather." The warden scoffed, growing tired of being played with. In response Yato smiled at him, the smile that made blood run cold and hearts freeze. Sure enough, the warden flinched slightly, disconcerted. Yato had that effect on people.

Yato kicked his legs even higher so they rested against the back of the seat, his head dangling off the front, bangs brushing the ground as he continued to pin Warden Tenjin to the floor with his unnerving cold grin. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Oh," The warden said, shaking himself to regain his composure. Yato's smile deepened. "Something arrived in the mail for you today."

"Oh!" Yato cried with mock enthusiasm. "Is it a kitten? I've always wanted one."

"It's a watch, from Metro Woman. The card says, 'to count every second of your eighty five life sentences.' Funny, I never pegged her as the gloating type." Yato tilted his head slightly and allowed his grin to fade. "You know what, it's rather nice, I think I'll keep it."

"Then could you at least do me the favor of giving me the time? I'd hate to be late to the opening of the Metro Woman Museum."

"It starts in an hour, too bad, I think you're going to miss it, by several thousand years."

"What a pity," Yato sighed exaggeratedly, turning himself right side up. "I'm certain it's going to be a blast."

"Not for you it's not."

"Oh how tragic," Yato replied quietly, chuckling to himself as he reclined in his seat, and waited.

"Happy Metro Woman day, Metro City! It's a wonderful day to celebrate a wonderful hero! She's got a big heart filled with love for this great city and its great people, and we all owe her our lives and gratitude, because without her we'd be living under the thumb of the supervillain known as Megamind. Now, it's our turn to give something back, which is why the city used your tax dollars to construct this enormous and opulent museum slash monument in her honor! Who needs better pay for educators and proper shelter for the homeless when we have millions of dollars' worth of marble stairs to walk on, or two-hundred-foot-tall statues of superheroes? This is Iki Hiyori coming at you live from the opening of the Metro Woman Museum with channel seventy-four news."

"And we're off," Yama said, lowering the camera to reveal the worried look on her face. "Are you sure you're not going to get into trouble for reading a piece like that on live television, Hiyori?"

"It'll be fine," Hiyori assured her.

The look on Yama's face said she doubted that, but she didn't pursue the topic. Hiyori turned to look for a place to film her next commentary of the event, but instead came face to face with what looked like a can of wasp spray, except she recognized it for what it was. She had just enough time to think oh not again before the hand holding the can of knockout spray pressed the button and released the gas into her face. The world went dark and her knees collapsed before she was pulled into what seemed to be nothing, disappearing, before Yama turned around.

"H-Hiyori?"

Not even a full minute later muffled shouting filtered through the thick steel walls of Yato's cell, and he got to his feet and crouched behind his chair, barely concealing his giggling.

"No! It's me, the warden, you fools! Unhand me!" The door opened and Tenjin, now cloaked as Yato, was carried in, still struggling, and forced into the chair Yato was hiding behind.

Yato leapt to his feet and snatched the watch off Tenjin's wrist, the image of Yato warped, then vanished, revealing Tenjin looking both defeated and furious. He fastened the watch onto his own wrist and twisted the watch face, laughing maliciously as he slammed the cell door behind himself.

"You were right, Warden, I'll always be a villain!" He strode down the hall to his freedom to the music of prison alarms, slipping through the crowd of guards rushing in the direction of his cell. Not one of them glanced at him a second time, seeing only Tenjin.

He strolled gleefully onto the sidewalk, saluting the on-duty guard, and waited at the curb for what he knew would be coming any minute now. He eyed the air above the road carefully, and grinned when he saw it; the slight distortion in the air, light reflecting off nothing. He grinned and stepped onto the road as the screech of brakes filled the air. Yato grabbed the door handle, swinging open nothing to reveal the interior of the invisible car.

"Hey there, old man, need a ride?" Yato grinned down at Yukine, who was sitting behind the wheel with a mischievous grin of his own. Yato leapt in and slammed the door behind him, buckling his seat belt as Yukine peeled away from the prison.

"Aren't you a little young to be driving?" Yato asked merrily, flicking the watch face back into its original position so that the illusion dropped, and he was himself again.

"Well I could hardly ask Hiyori to drive," Yukine replied. Yato glanced behind him to see a woman with a bag over her head bound in the back seat.

"True. Is everything in place for our big day?"

"Of course."

"Excellent."

"You have to do it, Viina," Kazuma said. She scowled, and not for the first time considered throwing the earpiece away. "They're dedicating a museum to you, it would be rude not to go."

"But it's such a hassle. All I wanted was to stop the God of Calamity, I don't know how it snowballed into all," she gestured to the writhing crowd below her at the foot of the monument, "this. I didn't want to become Metro Woman."

"You picked that name yourself, Viina," he reminded her.

She frowned, and considered again crushing the earpiece between her fingers, but she knew she couldn't do it. As the God of Calamity pointed out whenever he got the chance, she would be nothing without her 'guy behind the computer.'

"You know I was taken off guard and couldn't think of anything else."

"You could have given them your name."

"I didn't think I was supposed to!" She heard Kazuma chuckle quietly and sighed, frustrated. She looked out at the shifting crowd ambivalently from her seat atop the new museum. Luckily no one had noticed her, yet.

"It's a huge honor for them to have done this. I really think you should go." She sighed again, this time more exaggeratedly, to let him know she was not happy with it, then allowed herself to hover slightly. She straightened her legs and stretched her arms, still trying to put off the inevitable.

"Alright, I'm going."

She made her way to the ground slowly, drifting like a leaf falling from a branch. When she was closer to the ground someone shouted, "there she is!" and the noise level in the courtyard skyrocketed. She lifted her hand and waved, quickening her decent to the marble stairs. She touched down gently next to the mayor and he handed her the microphone, smiling. She accepted it as if it were a venomous snake, smiling graciously.

"Kazuma have you got my speech ready?" She asked, through gritted teeth, trying not to move her lips as she sailed over the crowd towards the long pool that stretched out before the museum.

"Affirmative, start when you're ready." She took a deep breath, then smiled wide at the crowd, her coat tails billowing out behind her as she turned.

"Good morning Metro City!" She exclaimed into the microphone, injecting false energy into her voice and hoping the citizens didn't think it sounded artificial. Kazuma waited for the replying cheers to quiet before he began reading the speech he had written for her.

"Ahh, Yukine, it's good to be home!" Yato cried as he fished Hiyori out of the back seat, throwing her over his shoulder like a flour sack.

"Everything is exactly as you left it," Yukine responded dryly. He cast a scathing look to the tesla coils, and Yato rolled his eyes. Yukine had always hated those.

"It's called setting the mood, Yukine! No one is going to respect me as a villain if my evil lair looks like something from Better Homes and Gardens!"

"No one respects you as a villain anyway, Yato."

"They do so! I'm the scourge of Metrocity!"

"It's Metro City."

"Yeah but Metrocity sounds like atrocity and that's evil!"

"You're an idiot."

"I am not! I'm a supervillain and one day I'm going to rule all of Metrocity!"

"Says the guy still wearing prison orange."

Yato glared at him in response and whistled, and the brain bots descended upon him, carrying new clothes and a changing curtain. He handed Hiyori off to Yukine and a few moments later the brain bots ascended again and took his prison uniform with them, leaving Yato feeling much more like himself again. His hair was pulled back into its usual ponytail, his black leather armor with the spiked vanguards fit him like a second skin and felt almost as much a part of him. Hiyori stirred in Yukine's arms and they both jumped.

"Oh! Places, Yukine, places!"

Yukine hurried to place Hiyori in the uncomfortable steal chair in the middle of the room while Yato vaulted into his high backed wheeled chair, motioning for a nearby brain bot to land in his lap. He spun so he was facing away from Hiyori as the brain bot folded into his lap, making what he assumed was a sound of contentment. He stroked the brain bots head in what he hoped was a menacing manner.

"Ugh, where am I?" Hiyori asked, voice still muffled by the bag. The swooshing of fabric let him know it had been removed and he swiveled around to face her, trying for his best low, evil chuckle.

"You can try all you want Hiyori, but no one will hear you scream."

Much to Yato's chagrin she did not scream, she didn't so much as whimper. In fact, she wasn't even looking at him, she was glaring up at Yukine with a look Yato was loath to admit might be just as scary as his.

"Um…" Yukine said, shifting away uncomfortably.

"At least wash the bag!" She snapped furiously. "That thing smells worse than Yato's jacket!" Yukine's snort of laughter was drowned out by Yato's cry of outrage.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Hiyori," Yukine said, covering his smile with his hand while Yato spluttered indignantly. "I'll do that for next time."

"My jacket does not smell like sweat! Yukine what have you been telling her?" Yukine pressed his hand to his mouth harder to muffle his laughter and turned slightly away from Yato, much to Hiyori's amusement. A smug smile played across her lips.

"You know you guys must be the worst supervillains ever," Hiyori commented. "You don't even bother with code names, I know your real names! You're not even putting in any effort. I mean are you sure you're a villain?"

"I am so putting in effort!" Yato replied. "Just look at this place! It oozes with evil."

"The only thing it oozes is bad decorating sense! It looks like you fished half this junk out of the dumpster. Where did you even get it?"

"It mostly came from," Yukine started off handedly, pausing briefly at Yato's scandalized screech of something that may have been 'don't tell her, Yukine!' "yard sales."

"Yukine!" Yato whined, clutching the brain bot tightly in despair. In retaliation it chomped down on his wrist. He shrieked in pain and slung his wrist around, trying to dislodge the brain bot while Yukine and Hiyori watched dully.

"Nice pitch on that one," Hiyori commented.

"Yeah that might have been a new record for him," Yukine added.

At last Yato managed to sling off the brain bot, tearing away his leather vanguard and strips of his skin with it. He clutched at his bloodied wrist, tears and betrayal in his eyes.

"You know what, let's just call your girlfriend in a cape, shall we?"

"Actually, it's a coat, not a cape. It has sleeves you know," she corrected. Yato glared over his shoulder at her and pushed a button on his console.

"Eloquent as always, Metro Woman," the mayor said. "Can we all give another round of applause?" The crowd obliged gleefully. "Now, would you do the honors, Metro Woman?" The mayor asked, indicating the red ribbon stretching across the entrance. She zapped it with her laser vision and it fluttered to the ground, followed by the heavy sound of the curtains falling along with it.

The mood shifted abruptly as brain bots spilled from within the curtain as it fell, swarming the sky and bringing a dark cloud of smoke with them. Bishamon's eyes narrowed as she surveyed the scene, pushing herself into the air for a better vantage point, watching as the brain bots hovered restlessly above them, seemingly without the intent to do anything else. She waited impatiently for Megamind to make his appearance.

Two versions of the same image appeared on smooth marble walls on either side of her slowly rotating statue. Really, she thought, it couldn't even be stationary. It has to spin. Wonderful. Yato was glaring down at her from both sides, his depraved blue eyes both the size of cars, and Bishamon noted his right arm was tucked behind his back.

"Megamind," she spat, her voice cold and commanding. She'd dropped her mic when the brain bots appeared, but in this quiet no doubt the entire crowd could hear her clearly. "I should have known you'd crash the party."

"My name is God of Calamity!" He snapped. "And I intend to do more than crash! This is going to be a day Metrocity will never forget!"

"It's pronounced Metro City, and the only memorable thing that's going to happen is they're going to give you another eighty-five life sentences when I throw your ass back in prison!"

"Well let's see what your precious Hiyori thinks about that!" Yato snapped, dramatically slamming a button and switching one of the projections of him to a projection of Hiyori, tied up and looking bored.

"Oh, I think it's going to be an even hundred this time." Yato shot her an annoyed look, frustrated that she wasn't scared, and Bishamon snorted.

"Give it up, Megamind, even your hostage isn't afraid of you, how do you expect the citizens of Metro City to consider you a serious threat?"

"Maybe Hiyori is just ridiculously brave, ever think of that?" He snapped, gesturing wildly. Something wet and red splashed across the camera he was yelling at, and Bishamon realized why he had been hiding his arm until this point.

"Oh," Kazuma said. "He's injured."

"Ha!" Bishamon laughed. "You're bleeding! What, did Hiyori already get in a few good hits?"

"No!" Yato protested, hurriedly wiping the blood from the camera and Bishamon could tell from his face he was scrambling for a lie. He was making the same face he'd always made when he was about to come up with a ridiculous. "I hurt myself shaving." Pure silence met his response, and he colored slightly under his eyes.

"A brain bot bit him!" Hiyori exclaimed into the prolonged silence, and Yato shot her a scandalized look.

"Oh dear," Kazuma said, sounding exasperated. Bishamon was wheezing with laughter, clutching at her stomach and doubled over in midair, while Yato began to look more and more annoyed.

"You can't even control your own machines! How pathetic, are you sure you're a villain?"

"Oh yeah?" He shouted. "How about this for control?" He slammed another button on his control panel, eyes alight with cold fury, and she knew this time he was serious. With a mechanical roar the brain bots that had been jostling harmlessly above dived for the crowd. The crowd screamed together and fled in all directions, nearly causing a stampede.

"The same thing is going to happen to Hiyori if you don't surrender Metrocity to me! You'll never find me, so don't bother looking!"

"We're in the abandoned observatory!" Hiyori shouted, and Yato's face paled.

"Damn it!" He cried, then shut off the feed quickly.

"Ha!" Hiyori said, looking triumphant. "Metro Woman is on her way here right now and you're going down!"

Yato was facing away from her so she couldn't see his expression, but she noticed the change in his demeanor even from behind. After a few moments of silence, a quiet and menacing laugh bubbled up. It was unlike any she had heard from him before and hated to admit was terrifying. She glanced at Yukine, alarmed, and was even more concerned by the dark look he was wearing. A cold chill ran up her spine as Yato turned to her and she saw a look she had never seen before. His eyes glowed with something she'd only ever heard described by Metro Woman.

Depravity.

Hiyori had never seen it in him before, never understood the almost fear that Metro Woman had of him, but now that she saw it. She understood. There was evil in that man. When he grinned, her heart stuttered in her chest. She tried hard not to show her fear, but he seemed to see it anyway. His smile hardened as he pinned her to the floor with his stare, and when he spoke his voice was like cold steel, as sharp as the blade he wore at his hip.

"Oh? Is that so?" Without looking he reached behind himself and flipped a switch. The split in the ceiling where the telescope looked out opened, and what she saw in the distance filled her with a new and dawning horror.

"No…" she moaned.

"Yes," he replied, voice filled with frozen glee.

Right there, right in front of her eyes was the observatory, the real observatory, meaning she was in a fake one, and had led Metro Woman right into a trap. Megamind had tricked her. Her mournful gaze turned back to Yato, standing outlined by the light of the computer screens and flashing panels at his back. She saw the man who fit the moniker for the first time.

God of Calamity.

"Yukine, fire up the death ray."

"Right," Yukine replied. His voice had gone cold as well, his shoulders thrown back in determination.

"Yukine, you don't have to do this," Hiyori pleaded, looking at him, really looking for the first time in a while. He couldn't be out of middle school yet. "I can help you. What does Yato have on you? Black mail? Does he have your parents?" Yukine's eyes flashed angrily at the word, and she was going to press the point when Yukine spoke again.

"I don't think you understand, Hiyori. I'm here by choice." Hiyori's jaw dropped.

"Please," she begged, voice cracking. "There's no hope without Metro Woman."

"Then there's no hope," and with that he flipped a switch, and an entire new computer system lit up. "It's warming up, Yato."

And just like that, the illusion of terror burst, the blanket of fear that had cloaked her lifted, and she was back in the shoddy hide out with a terrible super villain and a random child.

"Wait, what?" Yato asked, confusion thawing the ice in his voice. When Hiyori looked back at him he seemed completely normal, so normal that she was beginning to wonder if she'd imagined the change in his aspect.

"It's warming up," Yukine repeated.

"It's a concentrated sun ray, are you telling me the sun is warming up?"

"Maybe it's concentrating!" Yukine snapped sardonically.

In the distance Hiyori saw something rocketing towards the observatory at inhuman speeds, and she cried out, "there she is!"

Yato's attention snapped from fussing with Yukine to the monitor in front of him, which showed an image of Metro Woman landing hard on the observatory floor and getting to her feet. Yato slammed his palm down on another button, smearing blood everywhere, and the sky light in the observatory slammed shut behind her. She spun around, confusion written plain across her face.

"Yato I just cleaned that!" Yukine whined.

"Kazuma, are you sure I'm at the right one?" She paused for a moment like she was listening to someone speak, then frowned. "Well there no one-"

"Ha!" Yato cried. "You've been fooled!" Metro Woman spun on the spot and faced what Hiyori guessed must have been a projected image of Yato. Hiyori opened her mouth to tell Metro Woman where they were, but Yukine leapt across the room and clapped a hand over her mouth. "And in just a few moments when the death ray finished warming up," he spat this part out and gave Yukine an annoyed look. Hiyori felt Yukine shrug.

"You're the one who designed it, pal, it's not my fault."

"Anyway, once the death ray is finished warming up, you're a goner, and Metrocity is mine!" Hiyori scoffed internally at the way he pronounced Metro City.

How was I ever afraid of this guy?

"It's Metro City you moron!" Metro Woman snapped.

"It'll be whatever I want it to be when I take over!"

"The people of Metro City will never bow to you!"

"The people of Metrocity will either bow to me or die," he said, his voice pitching towards that ruthless note again.

"You can't rule with fear forever!"

"To bad you won't live to see if that's true for yourself."

"The death ray is 90 percent ready!" Yukine exclaimed, and Yato once again snapped back into his crappy supervillain persona as he glanced over his shoulder and rolled his eyes at Yukine.

"Well thanks for telling her exactly how much time she has to escape."

Don't tell me he was stalling this whole time.

"It wouldn't matter if you had bothered to warm it up earlier!"

"The death ray was your job!" Yato exclaimed, turning fully away from the monitor to glare at Yukine.

"My job was breaking you out of prison, and kidnapping Hiyori, and setting all of this up! You also probably didn't notice me stopping Hiyori from giving away our true position because you were too busy trying to look cool! What was your job?"

Hiyori peered over Yato's shoulder at the monitor and was puzzled to see Bishamon slamming repeatedly into the observatory walls only to tumble back to the floor. Hiyori tried to get their attention and make herself heard through Yukine's hand and their arguing, but they were too involved in their fussing to notice. At last she broke down and bit the inside of Yukine's palm.

"Ahhh! Ow! Gross, Hiyori, what the hell?"

"Watch your fucking mouth, Yukine!" Yato scolded.

"She bit me!"

"Gross Hiyori what the hell?" Yato parroted, wrinkling his nose at her. His left hand drifted to his right arm unconsciously, gripping the shredded flesh gingerly as he looked at her like she'd grown a second head.

"Look at Metro Woman!" She said, jerking her chin towards the monitor.

Yato turned and made a small confused sound in the back of his throat when Metro Woman once again slammed into the shell of the observatory and hit the ground. Hiyori couldn't help but think the sound was incongruous with the dire situation.

"What's… going on?"

"You… God of Calamity…" Metro Woman wheezed, "this observatory… is lined with copper, isn't it?"

"Um…" Yato hummed, glancing at Yukine, then shrugging. "Dunno, I didn't exactly check the chemical makeup of the ceiling when I picked it."

"It is lined with copper," Yukine offered.

"Why do you know that?" Yato asked. He threw a hand up at the monitor. "You hold on. Why do you know that? Why would you possibly know that the observatory is lined with copper?"

"Well someone has to do your job, and you sure ain't!"

"I am too! Look at me! I'm killing Metro Woman!"

"Actually, I'm killing Metro Woman, I'm the one who did all the work."

"You did not do all the work!"

"Copper," Metro Woman groaned, looking peeved by the argument the two of them were having, "drains my power. How did your minion know?"

"Seriously?" Yato asked.

"You mean to tell me your weakness is pennies?" Yukine asked, incredulously.

"Pennies are made of zinc now you idiots," Metro Woman snapped.

"You mean the government is lying to us?" Yato asked, dismayed.

"You mean to tell me the two of you actually have a shot at killing Metro Woman and it's by pure dumb luck?" Hiyori asked, caught halfway between hysterical amusement and horror.

"Um," Yato said, shrugging apologetically, "yes?"

An alarm sounded a moment later, and all heads turned to the monitor as the progress bar disappeared and was replaced with the words "READY TO FIRE" in big red letters.

"Yukine!" Yato cried, and Yukine leapt obligingly across the room and threw the lever that activated the death ray. The words on screen changed. FIRING SEQUENCE INITIATED.

Moments later a solid beam of light descended from the sky and bore into observatory. It hit with a massive explosion that they saw before they felt, the shockwave knocking Yato clean off his feet once it reached them. Hiyori's mind was filled with only one prayer, a prayer that she knew in her heart would go unanswered.

Please don't let Metro Woman be dead.