Thirst by Holly Jane
Disclaimer: I don't own Edward, just the plot.
Alone. Silence. Remorse. Pain. Heartache. Thirst.
Thirst. I groaned quietly, running my free hand that wasn't wrapped tight around my legs, holding them to my chest in a vain attempt to feel whole—through my tussled, untidy bronze hair, aggravated with myself. How is it that I could even think or possibly be thirsty in a time so crude? Of course I should have known that I would not be able to escape the disgusting creature that I was—of course! I shook my head in agony. If I could not rid myself of the sadistic side then; the longing to kill her every moment she was so close to me—what would be the difference now? Inevitable. That's all the thirst was; it wasn't something vitally important like to most of the sadistic creatures I happen to be a part of, it was simply an annoyance.
As much as I wanted to get up and run into her arms, her fragile, warm, beautiful body pressed tightly to mine—stop. I couldn't. Her warmth just seemed so needed at the moment, as if I could press my seemingly cold hand—to her, anyhow—to her warm one and I would suddenly feel complete again. I knew this was insanity, sitting here, theoretically dying on the inside, being without my love, but it was for the best. For her. And that's all that really mattered. I, being the disgusting creature that I am, did not matter. She deserved so much more than I could ever give her. But I still felt that unexplainable force, pulling at me. Pulling at me, internally telling me to just get up off my sorrowed ass and beg on my knees for her to take me back. But no. I mustn't.
So I tried my 'distractions.' Simply absurd. As if I could ever be distracted from her beauty, her fragrance, calling to me, beckoning me to just…go back. Why? Why did I ever have to meet her? Not that I regret meeting her or falling in love with her, but Bella. Why did I have to come into her life? I only made things worse for her. I only brought danger to her every second I spent with her. I could not begin explain the…the self loathing for screwing everything up for her. If only I didn't exist. I lied. It will be as if I never existed… I knew I would end up going back, if not to just check up on her. If she was not happy, I would stay. But she is happy. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. It does not help in the least bit, anyhow. If anything it makes the heartache worse. I wonder if she did forget me…If she did move on…
A cry strangled on my lips subconsciously. Just thinking of her forgetting me hurt, I could not deny that. But she deserved so much more than I had to offer…She deserves a happy, normal life, and all I did was cause problems. I messed everything up for her. No. You didn't. Another part of me argued. She can forget and move on, you were merely just a part of her short life…You weren't important to her. Not as important as she is to you. I winced. This was probably true. I was nothing but a short-lived part of her life. She would have eventually out grown me, wanted bigger and better things, things that I could never offer. Like a steady working husband, children, being able to grow old with her and move on to whatever life there is beyond this one… Of course, it would have never changed the way I felt about her. I would continue loving her for the rest of her life, for the rest of eternity, until the very end of time…
Burning thirst. Damn it! The thirst I withhold can burn in Hell, where it belongs. On one hand, I did not want to move from this spot. I was content in my thoughts, all alone…But if someone happened to come across, it would not be safe for them. That was the only reason I dragged my feet as fast as they could carry me with effort into the forest, away from the abandoned house I was staying at to satisfy the demon within me...