He loved Vicky , once.
He loved Anna,once.
He loved Elena,once.
One of these is not like the others, mixed up in a game of two truths and a lie.
Jeremy had never had time for the past. He drinks , he smokes , he laughs , pretends he is okay, and the lies become truth. The past is set in stone; never changing, always affecting. The present is changing – always different , but somehow the same. He doesn't allow himself to think about the future.
He kisses Anna and clings into her. Doesn't let go until she is already gone. She leaves; he blinks, forgets to miss it.
When he was young he sat in a pew at church, his first wedding, trying to pay attention,but not understanding what the priest is saying. All he did remember is that you are supposed to marry once-like mom and dad.
So he marries Elena in the living room, five years old , his sister wearing those big ,puffy dresses. His mother swoons and laughs over how cute they are and takes pictures.
This he knows-you are not allowed to marry your sister.
(Whatever , he thinks)
He visits Elena at Whitmore college. Once.
They talk about Bonnie. "Who?" Jeremy asks looking past his sister's head. He notices she wears a lot of dresses lately; they are all colorful, make her legs look even longer. She looks so confident and in ease here.
They talk about her classes; he tells her about Mystic Falls. She laughs a lot, he rolls his eyes, but doesn't stop the smile that spreads on his face. The smile that is just for her, when they are completely alone, just their thighs bumping together.
They hug goodbye, too close, hips molding together, too long, time stopping ,standing still.
Jeremy doesn't thing what would have happened if Elena wasn't a vampire. If she was 'normal' like him. Maybe she would have stayed with him then (forever)
He doesn't have time for 'what if' .
Jeremy Gilbert is a lot of things- a rebel, a brother , a hunter , a friend. There's something else, something embedded in his bones, waiting to break free. A pull , that has been leading in the wrong direction , even if it's the same one he's been running in for years.
He visits her at Whitmore. Twice.
He asks about Damon. "Oh" Elena says, eyes downcast, lips a thin line. Jeremy watched her -the hallowing of her face , the fake smile as she brushes it off. He wishes it was his fault, he could fix it then. He wishes he is actually sorry, that would have stopped the guilt deep in his chest. Instead he tells her about his new teacher. She smiles, it doesn't reach her eyes.
He visits her often, sometimes Caroline is there too. Watches her everyday , and silently thinks about alternate universes- worlds where she wasn't his sister. It's only a dull pain in his chest.
He visits Elena at Whitmore. Three times.
He leans in and presses his lips to hers , his hand resting low on her back , her fingers twisting in his hair , scratching across his scalp. When Jeremy brings her closer to him she remembers something dark and pulsing. He slips his tongue , feels her body shutter.
"Elena" he whispers , the world fissures.
Wrong.
The word lingers on his tongue , rings in his ears and pulls him back on the ground.
Jeremy has never been one for doing the right thing anyway.
Nothing makes up for the lie she fed herself: time will make everything better.
Jeremy's hand traces lazy patterns on her inner thigh , teasing, making her shiver. He touches her core , she moans , her back arching up , their chests colliding . He wants her closer.
They crash together,a mess of limbs and sweat . His entire body shudders, her name spilling from his lips like a prayer. This one will send him straight to hell.
Wrong.
He tries to crush the word , to break it with his bare hands.
Elena has always been the one to do the right thing , and Justin wonders what has changed , as she takes his dick into her month .
The clock is ticking.
Anna broke his heart. Once
Vicky broke his heart. Once
"This is wrong" She whispers , the syllables pained and looks down , a strange hollowness in her shoulders.
"I still have you" He said a long time ago, his face in her hair, his hot breath on her neck. She feels his tears dampen her dress.
Jeremy isn't strong enough to do the right thing.
"I love you"
She wraps her body around his, her breathing shallow, her fingers trembling as they trace his jawline.
Elena breaks his heart.
Once.