"So? How did it go?!" Connor jumped onto the bed beside Kevin, who was reading a book intently.

Kevin complained, "No street clothes on the bed. Connor, I've told you that a million times."

Connor slid down the bed onto the hard wooden floor begrudgingly. Kevin never really cared about that when they were in Uganda.

"So, how did it go?" Connor repeated, his fingers tapping on the duvet covering Kevin's legs.

Kevin looked down at Connor, "How did what go?"

"Your first physio session!"

The doctor was optimistic that Kevin's broken collarbone was going to heal fully, and that he was going to regain full use of his arm with time and effort. But he didn't say that the road to recovery was going to be as quick and easy as Kevin had hoped.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come with you," Connor apologised.

He would have gone, but Connor couldn't bring himself to turn down the chance to audition at a prestigious performing arts school. Not that Kevin would even let him.

"Don't worry about it, you had better things to do anyway," Kevin shrugged, returning his focus onto his book.

Connor tugged at the duvet, "You haven't answered my question."

"It sucked, okay?" Kevin sighed, "How did your audition go?"

"Oh. Umm…it went okay I guess? They'll get back to me in a few weeks."

They seemed to like Connor a lot. But that didn't really mean anything until he receives the letter of admission.

"Mmm," Kevin nodded absentmindedly, "I'm sure you'll get in. You're the best performer I know."

Connor raised an eyebrow, "And I know for a fact that I'm the only one you know."

"You don't know that."

"But I do know that," Connor cleared his throat, "Do you…want to talk about it?"

"Do I want to talk about what?"

It was like pulling teeth. Gosh.

"Why did it suck? If it's the therapist, I'm sure they can pair you up a new one if you asked?"

Kevin shook his head, "No, it's not that. Anthony was great. I like him a lot."

Huh. The next opportunity Connor got, he was going to meet this Anthony guy.

Anthony probably wasn't gay, was he?

"Then what's the matter? What happened?"

"Nothing happened. That's why it sucked. It's still fucking useless. I still can't do shit. I can't even hold that stupid ball...thing," Kevin adjusted the sling around his neck, "I hate being useless."

"You're not useless," Connor argued, "You did help to clean up the whole house yesterday."

"It's just vacuuming. I'm not THAT useless," Kevin scoffed.

Connor realised that ever since they had come to London, he had been busy with taking all sorts of classes and preparing for auditions. And with both his parents working in the day, Kevin was mostly left to his own devices.

Connor snatched the book away from Kevin's hand, "You know what? Let's go out!"

"What? Like, now?"

Connor nodded excitedly, "Yes, now. It's a dinner date! Wear something nice."

He opened up Kevin's wardrobe, and sifted through his clothes to find something suitable for his boyfriend.

"How nice are we talking? Because the only formal wear I have is my missionary uniform and I sure as hell am not wearing that," Kevin watched warily from the bed.

Most of Kevin's stuff had been left behind in Utah. He wasn't exactly planning on wearing anything but the missionary uniform during the mission when he was packing. Connor wouldn't be surprised if they were in the bin by now. His parents were the absolute worst.

Kevin has added a few more pieces of clothing to his wardrobe since they came to London, but he was still self-conscious about spending money that wasn't his. Connor had to spend an hour trying to convince Kevin to just get that dang sweater he had been eyeing ever since they entered the store. Connor's family wasn't wealthy, but they were comfortable, and they sure as heck could certainly afford a Mickey Mouse sweater for Kevin.

Connor held out a black button up shirt and a pair of jeans, "Get dressed."

"Connor...I don't want to-"

"Shush. I'm inviting you to spend my money with me."

Kevin rolled his eyes, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

—

Connor let out a content sigh as they strolled along River Thames. Dinner was amazing, the view was amazing, and the company...well, Kevin seemed happy.

The chilly autumn breeze on his face was a stark contrast to warm and humid Uganda. They have been here for almost three weeks and yet, Connor still hasn't gotten used to living in London. There was a lot more people in London than Salt Lake City, that was for sure, and the population was also a lot more diverse. But he has been enjoying it thus far. It was everything that Connor had looked forward to, and more.

Connor pulled them towards an empty bench by the river, "Let's sit here for a while."

Kevin turned to Connor suddenly, "Did you know that they actually found seahorses living in the river?"

"Really?" Connor didn't know that.

"Uh huh. I read about it," Kevin smiled, "Hey, thanks. For dinner. It was nice."

Connor beamed back, "We should do this more often. I'm sorry I haven't had much time to spend with you lately."

"It's alright, Connor," Kevin yawned and laid his head on Connor's shoulder.

"Tired? We can head back."

"Nah, let's stay for a while more," Kevin snuggled in closer.

Kevin's quality of sleep didn't improve with leaving Uganda. He was still plagued with bad dreams at night. More often than not, Connor would be woken up by Kevin's distressed moans or gasping breaths in the middle of the night.

If his parents noticed him spending most of his nights in Kevin's room, they didn't mention it. At least not yet.

Connor knew that Kevin hadn't mentioned it to the doctor, or anyone else, not even Connor. Even though Kevin knew that Connor knew.

"Kev?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you should…you know, let the doctor know about your…not sleeping well at night?"

"It's not that bad."

"It is bad, Kevin," Connor insisted, "Last night was pretty bad."

Kevin frowned, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying sorry?" Connor was confused.

"For waking you up. Maybe you should sleep in your room instead."

"That's not my point, Kev," Connor rolled his eyes.

Kevin thought bout it for a moment.

"Do you think it'll help?"

"If it doesn't, at least we've tried, right? They don't seem to be getting any better on their own."

Kevin scoffed, "You mean 'I' don't seem to be getting better."

"Do you feel better? Now that we're here?" Connor asked.

"I think so?" Kevin looked down at the ground, "The thing is, I don't really remember what 'better' feels like. I don't remember how I used to be before…before everything. Seemed like ages ago."

Connor shrugged, "Maybe they can help you to make sense of what you're feeling. Couldn't hurt, right? And they could prescribe you something to make you feel better." Connor backtracked when realised how he might have come across, "I'm not saying that so you're messed up that you need to be all drugged up in order to function, but if it helps well...I think it's okay, just not…uh…I'm just gonna stop talking. Yeah."

Kevin laughed lightly at Connor's fumbling

"Yeah, maybe."

—

Connor didn't know if bringing the issue up made it worse, or whatever it was. But it was three in the morning when Kevin woke up screaming at the top of his lungs.

He has never done that before.

Saying that Connor was startled awake was an understatement. He practically fell out of bed, heart pounding against his ribcage, thinking that they were being murdered.

"Geesh, Kev," Connor gasped as he got up from the floor, "Are you okay?"

His parents came running through the door, "What's wrong?"

Kevin looked mortified, "I'm- I'm so sorry."

"What happened?" Connor's father asked.

"I just had a bad dream," Kevin gulped, "I'm sorry I woke everyone up," He mumbled to himself, "I can't believe I did that."

"That sounded like an awful dream, Kevin," His mother frowned in concern, "Do you have nightmares often?"

Kevin scrubbed a hand across his face, "I'm sorry. I'm fine."

Connor ushered his parents off to bed as they were hovering awkwardly in the room, "It's okay. We'll be fine. Go back to bed."

That did nothing to diminish their looks of concern, but they obliged.

Connor closed the door behind them, "You scared the heck out of me."

"Fuck," Kevin flopped back down onto the bed, "I'm sorry."

Connor climbed onto the bed beside Kevin, "I know it's the middle of the night, but do you wanna talk about it?"

"And interrupt your sleep further? You have class in the morning, Connor. Go back to sleep," Kevin turned away from Connor.

Connor could only drop it. He couldn't help if Kevin didn't want it.

He was about to drift off when he heard quiet sobs coming from the other side of the bed. That he couldn't ignore.

"Kevin?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?" Even Connor was sick of asking the same question over and over.

Kevin turned over onto his back, "What if it never gets better?"

"What if I never get better?"