A/N: Got this idea while watching Return of the Jedi. Had to answer the call of my muse. :)
Disclaimer: George Lucas and Disney own Star Wars. I do not.
Too Late
Some days, when he's alone, Vader hates himself for what he's become.
When Emperor Palpatine isn't around, he can't help but think about the path he's taken. Many of the things he's done, he never would have even thought about that day when he was first inducted into the Jedi Order. He would never have killed a youngling, let alone a whole temple full of them. He'd never have even considered choking Padmé to death or attacking Obi-Wan. Anakin Skywalker wouldn't have destroyed a planet; he wouldn't have slaughtered Owen and Beru; and he certainly wouldn't have kidnapped a young boy and tried to raise him to be a killing machine.
Often, in times of quiet, while he's alone in his chambers, he reflects on these decisions – and he can't blame the rebels for turning on him. He can't blame Rex and Fives for leaving his service after only a few months at his side; he can't blame Obi-Wan for trying to hide his own son from him; he can't blame Galen or Juno or PROXY for turning their backs on him in favor of kinder men and women. In fact, some days he just wishes that he had done the same. If he's honest with himself – which he rarely is, but that's beside the point – the Emperor's orders and control are not of a kind that he likes to see. Every life lost in the Clone Wars was initially because of the very man that he calls "master". Once upon a time, he would've killed Palpatine for that.
Still, he carries out the orders without question. During the moment that they occur, he is drunk with the power of the Dark Side as it manifests itself in him. So in a way, he enjoys the chaos that he causes. As sick and twisted as it is, there's something exhilarating about using these newfound abilities. No Jedi could ever match up to his power. Finally he has the recognition he had craved since childhood.
It's not until afterward that the guilt hits him. He'll retreat to his chambers, satisfied that another problem has been dealt with, and right then it will occur to him what exactly he has just done. Sometimes it's a small thing – for example, Galen has accidentally broken something he was not supposed to, and so Vader chokes him until he's on the floor, asphyxiating. He doesn't think twice about it at the time – he merely is teaching the boy to be more mindful of his surroundings. But when he's out of sight of everyone else, it occurs to him that he just strangled a twelve-year-old boy half to death. What has he come to?
All light has seemed to disappear from his world, leaving in its wake a suffocating, inescapable darkness. This isn't what he had originally wanted. Anakin Skywalker was a good man, a kind man, someone who valued sentient life over everything else. Vader puts his own agenda first, and tosses aside everyone who stands in his way. Even his own son is not spared his wrath. The only remnant of his wife that remains, and he finds himself trying to drag him down to a place he hates to be himself. And Galen, that boy that he had raised since he was a mere youngling, he tortured beyond all healing, leaving emotional scars so deep that now the boy cannot even bear to be in the same room as him.
All his life, he dreamed of making a difference. Now he has – but not in the way he had imagined, and most certainly not in the way that he wanted. So many people are terrified of him... most of those who serve him do so because they are afraid, not because they believe in his ideals. Deep down, he wishes he had not survived this long. Everything would have been better if the rebels had killed him when they had a chance. But the Emperor had to break him out and bring him back – and try as he might to muster the will to defy his master and do what he believes to be right, he cannot. Darth Vader is a slave to the Dark Side, and every day he tries harder to bring what's left of his family down with him.
Galen he turned; but the boy came back. Still, he never recovered – chances are he never will. The boy whom he had once taken as his apprentice will carry the weight of his sins down to the grave. And now he is going to damn Luke, he own son, to the same fate? Anakin wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't even have dreamt of it. And yet here Vader has fallen so far that he would. So now, the man who was once Anakin Skywalker has become the greatest monster of them all.
Some days, when he's alone, Vader hates himself for what he's become. But he made his choice. He turned his back on the people he loved – his wife, his son, and his dearest friend – in search of power. The entire galaxy has suffered because of him. It's too late to turn back now.
It's too late to go back to the light.
Okay, I know that I write a lot of depressing things, but this is the MOST FREAKING DEPRESSING story that I have written EVER in my entire life. Still, I think that it fits him rather well, don't you?
And for those of you who haven't played The Force Unleashed, Galen (codename "Starkiller") is a secret apprentice that Vader took on and trained so that he could use him to find and destroy the Emperor's enemies. Juno and PROXY are his two companions. And for the record, those games may be short, but they are SO FREAKING AMAZING! I recommend it to any and every Star Wars fan.
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