"Just get rid of the Eagle for me," she said, her sobs childlike half screams. "God oh God, I'm so sorry"
We left.
We did not say: Don't drive, your drunk
We did not say: We aren't letting you in that car when you are upset.
We did not say: We insist on going with you.
We did not say: This can wait until tomorrow. Anything-everything-can wait.
Tonight was the night my mother died. And what was I doing? Where was I? I was drunk. I was hooking up with Pudge. I am pathetic. I try to wipe the tears off my face with the sleeve of my sweatshirt but they keep falling. I give a small frustrated scream and punch the dashboard of my car a few times. I can't remember to put a few flowers on my dead mothers grave, I am pathetic and disgusting. It's my fault she died. I should have called 911. A small part of me says that I was young and didn't understand what was happening and that nothing was my fault. But I suffocate that small part and turn on the car.
I stop at the florist on the way to the cemetery. Make sure I have temporarily stopped crying and wipe the tears from my face. I go and buy some flowers for my mom. "Are you okay miss?" the cashier asks me. "No not really." I grab the flowers and leave. Once I pull onto the highway I look at the clock. It's past midnight. I missed it. Years later when my mother is dead and I am still disappointing her.
I have had enough. My father can't look me in the eye any more. I end up screwing everything up no matter how hard I try not to. I can't go back to Culver Creek the Colonel and Pudge will ask to many questions. The only thing that I have left is getting out of this labyrinth of suffering. I don't want to wait to figure it out. I want to get out now. I accelerate the car and look straight ahead. A turn is coming. A small smile appears on my face and I say my last words. "I'm sorry. I love you Miles Halter."
The car goes off the highway I see the flashing lights of what might be police cars chasing after me I don't know, and I'm too far gone to care.
The first time I met Pudge. "Who's that guy not laughing at my very funny story" I asked. "Oh, right. Alaska this is Pudge. Pudge memorizes people's last words. Pudge, this is Alaska. She got her boob honked over the summer." I walk toward him with my hand extended.
"Why do you smoke so damn fast?" Pudge asked me. I looked at him and smiled. "Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die."
When I take my last breath, it occurs to me too late. The way out of the labyrinth, is to forgive. I think I forgive myself. Then the car hits the tree.
This is really short but I thought Alaska committed suicide. She was my favorite character in the entire story and I just wanted to go deeper into her thoughts. Review please.