Author's Notes: Speaking is thinking, "Speaking" is regular talk, :Speaking: is bond speak, and Speaking is Cybertronian.

How to be Human

Nine vorns ago…

"Now push!!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The giant yellow green medic winced as the scream faded as silence enveloped the dorm. The three bots that were with the medic looked at the crying human woman and the little body cradled gently in his hand.

"We lost her," the medic said sadly. One of the other bots shook his head desperately, snatching the little body and began to do CPR on it.

"Come on, lil' gal. Don't give up!" he whispered to the little body. After a few moments of this there was a slight cough and a wail started up as the bots laughed and cried in relief at the little girl who was brought back to life. The bot tried to hand the baby over to the mother, but she shook her head and beckoned him closer. He complied, and the mother put her hand on his face.

Instantly, information ranging from history to languages to manners to the food and human items hidden underground entered his CPU. Soon, everything about humans was in his CPU and spark. The hand left, leaving him gasping for oxygen to cool down. The woman finally spoke.

"Hunter, Hunter Collins. She's yours." Then she died. The baby continued to cry, hungry and cold. One of the other bots, not the medic through and having what looked like wings coming out of his back, gently took the baby and wrapped her up in a blanket. The biggest bot there sighed.

"Jazz, Prowl, congratulations. You have a daughter."

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Present

The nine vorn old, black haired, yellow eyed, tan skinned girl was bored. Hunter Collins continued to stare out of the classroom window, barely listening to the teacher as she spoke with her fathers over her bond. The bond was established when she was first born, when Jazz and Prowl put some of their spark energy into her baby bottle in order to truly make her their creation. She smiled at a little joke that Jazz, who she called "Dad" or "Daddy", made up while Prowl, who she called "Father", tried to reassure her that they would be at Earth soon and to not worry.

Just then, the lunch bell rang, and everyone grabbed book bags and lunches and headed for the door. Hunter took her time to calmly gather her things and say good-bye to her fathers. The cafeteria, however, was a different story.

The place was loud, big, and confusing. It had to be big because it housed three school students into one place: the high school, the middle school, and the elementary school students. Hunter hated the cafeteria; it was full of immature teenagers that teased others by the way that they looked or who they loved or something else that was completely confusing. She barely understood human languages; much less speak them without having trouble. Jazz had started to teach her about human culture when she was taken away from her family.

No, don't think about that now girl. You'll ruin your appetite, she thought. Hunter finally spotted a table near the high schoolers' side that was empty except for one freshman high school student with a bright lime green shirt and little shiny hoop earrings.

Salvador "Sal" Renchal, she thought. A nice name, but people call him gay, and Daddy didn't explain that one to me. Hmm.

Sitting near him, she unpacked her lunch and began to eat her peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwich, which was satisfying her sweet tooth against the apple, cereal bar, juice, and Chex Mix that were a part of her lunch. Several times she noticed him looking at her, but she didn't comment. Finally, he looked at her and said, "Why are you here?"

Hunter looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

Sal shook his head and continued, "Why are you here with me? On the high school side? You're only in, what, fourth grade?"

"Yeah, your point? Is there some law that says that it's illegal to sit on the high school side?"

"Sorta, it's unspoken but yeah."

"Well I only follow laws that have a good reason to be laws and this is a stupid law," Hunter told him. She returned to her lunch. At the end of lunch, she waved to him good-bye and went back to class, not noticing that he was staring at her.

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After school ended, Hunter ran to her caretaker's apartment with all of the books that she needed for homework that night. She always ran to her caretaker's apartment to get stronger. After reaching the apartment (she will never call the place home, not without Jazz and Prowl), she did her homework, got changed, and went to Judo. After Judo, she had dinner with Miss Rachel Selin, her caretaker, and her Spanish boyfriend, Pablo Juan.

At ten, the two adults said good night to Hunter and went to bed. But Hunter could still the bedsprings squeak when they go at it. She shuddered and wished that they would go somewhere else to do the dirty stuff, or at least wait until they bonded. She hated listening to them, hence the TV going on. Flipping through channels, she finally settled on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It was somewhat confusing at first, but then she saw how the five guys gave the other human male a makeover, including fixing up his room, manners, and teaching him how to cook. Then an idea struck her.

What if somebody taught her to be human? Not permanently, just until Dad and Father and the rest of the family got to Earth. That could work! But who to ask? None of the really older kids, they wouldn't like her constant questions. Nobody in lower grades, not enough experience. And no middle schooler would help her, focusing on their image and stuff like that. So she was stuck with Miss Selin and Pablo for help.

Aggghhh!!! Pointless!! Like who would help me learn to be human? she thought angrily. Quickly she shut the TV off, changed into her PJs, and went to bed.

:Love you, Daddy. Love you, Father.: She sent to her fathers.

:Love ya, too, sweetie.: Jazz sent back.

:Recharge well, my little one.: Prowl returned.

Just as Hunter was about to slip into dreamland, a name popped up. Sal. How could she be so stupid?! She could just ask Sal and she'll be good. That is if he'll talk to her. Maybe he will.

With that piece of hope in mind, she drifted off to sleep.

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Fortunately for Hunter, the next day was the beginning of the weekend, two days of not doing anything at all. Then again 'not doing anything' has the wrong meaning to her.

She woke up at seven thirty, did her stretches and exercises, and showered. Around an hour later, she fixed breakfast for herself (fruit, eggs, and two pieces of sausages), cleared out the dishwasher, and watched as Miss Selin and Pablo got ready for work; Miss Selin was a scientist in electronics and chemistry while Pablo was a mechanic at a local shop.

After they left, she cleaned up her room, putting clothes and books away. Then she had lunch, watched a little TV, and did her homework. A short nap later, she went down to the apartment building's basement to work out a little. Finished an hour later, another shower, and Miss Selin came home. Dinner, a movie, and dessert later found Hunter out cold and Miss Selin carrying her to bed.

Sunday. The dreaded/loved day. Oh how she hated Sunday, and yet loved it at the same time. Sunday was the day that she would get up and help make breakfast with Pablo's grandmother and grandfather, Abuela Maria, who can be very sweet with making tortillas and melting chocolate while being as tough as Warpath, Ironhide, or Chromia when she wants to be, and Abuelo Diego, who makes the funniest jokes and helpful with speaking, as they insist to be called. Hunter nicknamed Abuela "Abuela Lunchadora"(Fighting Granny) after a young man on the lower levels tried to win an argument about how there were no such things as aliens. The whole argument was broadcasted to the army that her fathers were in, and they simultaneously agreed that Abuela Maria and Abuelo Diego were a part of the family, especially after Abuelo Diego taught Hunter how to say 'please' and 'thank you' in both English and Spanish after multiple mispronunciations.

But Hunter didn't hate breakfast, as Abuela Maria taught her human manners, recipes (particularly the chocolate ones), and cooking while Abuelo Diego told funny jokes to her, although it was only once a month. No, she hated dinner with Miss Selin's mother, Mrs. Terry Selin, "Control Freak" as she likes to call the overbearing mother. Control Freak didn't like Pablo, she didn't like the apartment, and she defiantly did NOT like Hunter.

So Hunter did the logical and peaceful thing when Control Freak was there; she hid in her room. She already gave the full report that Control Freak was like a WMD to Jazz and Prowl, who told everyone on the ship that the army has, the Ark, and Silverbolt's fiancée, a former Decepticon, said that she'll believe it when she sees her. And when dinner came around, she didn't talk to Control Freak, rather she stared and observed the movements of the matriarch of the Selin family and their meanings. She found out that Control Freak didn't like staring and was scolded for it.

When she left, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. After a shower, Hunter went to bed, with a promise to herself that she will ask Sal if he could help her.

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The first thing that Hunter did was asked Miss Selin about an important matter.

"Miss Selin?" Hunter asked sheepishly.

"Yes? And you can call me Rachel, you know that." Miss Selin said.

"I know, I just don't feel comfortable calling you that. But I hear you with Pablo at night." Miss Selin's eyes widen when she understood what Hunter was implying.

"Oh, my goodness!! Why didn't you say anything?" she asked.

Hunter shouted in Cybertronian, "I shouldn't have too!! I'm a sparkling, I don't like to listen to those things!! Daddy and Father never did those things while I was in the room!!!"

She began to cry, missing her fathers even more than ever. Miss Selin put her arms around her as she cried for the comfort of her family's metallic arms and the smoothing of familiar voices around her.

"Hunter." The voice that she was hearing was sheepish, scared, and concerned. She looked up into emerald eyes. "How would you like Pablo and me to be married?"

Hunter looked confused for a second before she remembered that "married" was the human version of "bonded". She smiled and said, "About time!!"

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At school, Hunter informed Jazz and Prowl about the possible wedding.

:All right!! Party!!: Jazz cheered.

:Jazz! It's a possibility, it might not happen!!: Prowl scolded his mate.

:Father, when do we need a reason to party?: Hunter teased.

:When there's high-grade involved, Hunter. Now pay attention to your instructor; we'll talk to you tonight.: Prowl told her.

:Don't worry, we'll be there in a couple of orns. Be patient, we have a couple o' surprises fer ya!!: Jazz said teasingly.

:Bye, Daddy! Bye, Father!: Hunter sent to them and listened to the teacher.

At lunch, she looked around for Sal, and saw him with Angela Carter, whose heart was as pure gold, Jason Asp, an openly gay eighth-grader that nearly died after an attack because the guys that attacked him thought that homosexuality was wrong, Raul Soto, Jason's boyfriend, and Dakota Hoss, school journalist and a girl that has a stubborn streak a galaxy wide. Hunter decided to ask Sal after she found more info about his schedule.

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Near the end of the week, Hunter figured out Sal's routine. He went to his classes, lunch, and everything a freshman student did. At the end of school, she noticed that he walked home after school. The school and everything around it was flat land, and there are four streets that could be clearly seen from the elementary school entrance. Sal lived on the third street, but he had been noticing her watch him.

On Thursday, Hunter made her move, and lived up to her fathers' talents and stalked him. At the end of the day, she pulled on an orange hoody to hide the current green shirt that she was wearing. Sunglasses covered her yellow eyes, and she mingled in the elementary crowd. As soon as Sal passed the crowd, she moved out of the crowd and followed him. Every so often he checked behind his shoulder to see if she was following him. When he turned onto his street she didn't turn with him, rather she went up the last street and backtracked to see the street…empty. Drat. She missed him.

Sighing, she came out of her hiding place…only to be tackled to the ground by a bigger body. Instinctually she pulled her legs up to her chest and kicked her attacker off, went up into a fighting stance, only to find that her 'attacker' was Sal. She dropped her stance and laughed.

"You're good!" she complemented him. He scowled.

"Why are you following me?! I won't let you leave until you tell!" he demanded.

"Well, you caught me. Hold on." Quickly she got rid of the hoody and sunglasses, Sal recognized her yellow eyes.

"You're Hunter Collins, the girl who sat with me on Friday!"

"Yep. Quick question. What's a gay?" Silence. Then Sal asked, "You don't know what a gay is?"

"Well, I'm guessing that's it's when a boy likes another boy?" Hunter guessed sheepishly. Sal nodded.

"Now what do you want?" he asked irritably. She looked to ground and asked, "Will you teach me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you teach me how to be human, please?"

Sal shook his head and said, "No way! You should know how to be human!"

He walked up to a ranch style house while Hunter asked once more, "Please, Sal! PLEASE?!"

Sal hesitated for a moment but continued to the door. Over his shoulder, he shouted, "I said NO!"

And he slammed the door. Hunter felt lower than dirt. Now what was she suppose to do?

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Author's Note: Don't worry, Sal's gonna do something nice! : ) Review please!!