Quality Cooked Gyarados, Courtesy of In-Laws
by Cryptographic DeLurk
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AN: Vaguely related to another fic of mine, Missed Signals, Lost Lines. Which is why Red's language is disordered. Also high levels of headcanons. Please Read & Relax.
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The sad thing was that none of them could cook. Not really.
Daisy had done her best during those strange years in Pallet Town, that Green was happy to say he barely remembered. She had made things like eggs, and pasta with canned sauce, and vegetables heated from frozen packets. The kind of thing that was never quite good, but you couldn't screw up and make it bad either.
Well, in Pallet Town you could always count on Delia's lunchboxes and dinner packs. So, even if Daisy royally screwed up, there were things to fall back on.
Once outside of Pallet Town, Green, himself, had gotten very good at the art of making sandwiches. It became a kind of strange ritual, stopping outside the groceries in the various cities and town scattered around Kanto, and piecing together bits of lettuce and ham and cheese on top of the plastic wrapper for the loaf of bread. If he made sandwiches out of the whole loaf, it could last a couple of days on the road until he made it to the next town. And on the road itself, he was usually lucky enough to find apples and berries which he would melt on the fire into a sweet syrup.
Red was likewise good at turning cans of preserves and gathered herbs and root vegetables into stews. And packing cornmeal and rice to turn into pots of gruel.
If none of them could really boast true culinary talent, though, at the very least all of them had practical skills borne of the necessity that was raising children or Pokémon or having spent time on the road.
All of them except Leaf. Who had bafflingly enough done all of these things and still come out of these experiences without learning a goddamn thing.
Green felt a bit, well, green, stirring the stew. The seaweed flakes spun in the pale liquid. The chunks of Gyarados filet smelled a bit too strong.
"Eat!" Leaf commanded. She had her arms crossed over her chest.
Her Ditto was resting on her shoulder. In the form of a Spearow. It cawed, offended on her behalf.
Remember that one time at the park, where the lady was feeding the Pidgey and Spearow? And you took her bag of birdseed and threw it at me and set the whole flock on me? Because you knew I was terrified of bird-types? Yeah~ I'm over it now~
Leaf had smiled maliciously at him. She was not over it.
There's something nice about how frank she is though. Daisy had blushed so very slightly. It was the only hint that this was an emotional subject. It's never a slow boil. She wears her pettiness and grudges on her sleeve. It's kind of cute.
The only thing that kept Green from disagreeing with Daisy was that Gramps also was not fond of Little Miss Squirtle Thief. And Green was loathe to agree with Gramps on anything he could afford to not-agree with him on.
"It's terribly rude for the two of you come visit someone, and then not eat any of the food they serve you," Leaf had frowned expectantly.
The comment was theoretically directed at both of them, but Leaf's eyes were locked on and narrowed at Green. Red didn't look up from where he was munching on a couple of sweet potato fries with Pikachu and Eevee and Persian crowding his lap. He was moving swiftly through the fries, with their help, towards his main dish – a take-out bowl with eggplant and tofu over rice.
"It's not my fault you forgot to provide a vegetarian option for Red!" Green protested.
"Maybe," Leaf allowed. "But it certainly is your fault if you can't bring yourself to eat your sister-in-law's cooking in good will."
"Didn't realise you had married Daisy in the meantime," Green snarked.
"Didn't realise you were as much of an asshole as ever," Leaf snarled. "Oh, wait, no- I've been saying that the whole time~"
Eevee hopped down from Red's lap and jumped over to Green. She climbed up onto the table and sniffed at Leaf's seafood stew, before turning away from it, leaving it untouched.
"I bet it's poisoned," Green said.
"Don't be ridiculous," Leaf scoffed. "I'm not going to poison Daisy or myself." She sat down at her seat across from Red and dropped a spoon into the stew. She slurped up a couple of greedy spoonfuls like it was nothing.
Green couldn't help but notice that his own name wasn't included in that list.
It was at precisely this moment Daisy re-entered the dining room.
"It seems like Junko is doing okay. Rina's mom just sat her down to watch an after-dinner movie."
Leaf seemed to transform in front of his sister.
"Of course Junko's doing okay," she soothed, rubbing at Daisy's arm. "Try to relax."
Daisy smiled. And Green felt magnanimous for a moment. Whatever made Daisy and his niece happy.
But then Daisy turned and smelled the bowl of soup Leaf put out for her and looked a little nauseous.
"Um…" she stood up. "I think I'll just call Rina's place again and make sure Junko took her after-dinner vitamins." She fled the room.
Leaf looked a little betrayed.
Green sighed. He was about to call off this whole dinner entirely, when Red reached over and grabbed his hand out of his lap.
"Leaf's nice," he said, quietly, squeezing Green's hand tightly. "Don'- worry. She would came around."
Red's eyes were soft and confident, and Green inhaled and remembered he could bear this. Dealing with Leaf and her cooking was worth having trips to Celadon with Red and his sister.
He reached forward and took a dinner roll from the basket on the table. He tore it and dipped it in Leaf's stew, hoping soggy bread would make it more palatable.
It didn't.
Only Red and Junko were safe the next day, saved by vegetarian take-out and sleepovers with friends respectively, when a deep wave of food poisoning swept over the household.
In the guestroom, Red dabbed a damp washcloth over Green's fevered forehead. He would probably do the same for Leaf and Daisy shortly.
Junko walked in, leaning heavily against the side of Red's Persian, who magnanimously allowed this.
"Uncle Red, will Mama and Leaf be okay?" Junko asked worriedly.
"Can only hope Leaf won't be okay… That she won't live to cook another day…" Green complained under his breath.
Red shushed him.
Green wanted to say more, explain to his niece just how substandard Leaf was, but nausea overcame him and he had to rush to the bathroom before he could say any more.
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