She had gone through this alone. Sure she had had the help of her best friends, but she had still gone through it alone. The loss of Henry had devastated her, she barely had time to grieve before she found out she was pregnant with her dead husbands baby. She couldn't even be happy that she was pregnant seeing as how Henry would never have known he was a father and this baby would grow up and never get to meet the amazing, phenomenal man that fathered it.
Arizona, Callie, Owen and surprisingly Cristina were great all through the pregnancy. They helped in every way they could, both with Teddy being pregnant and helping her get over, or at least come to terms with the fact she was a 34 year old widow. Arizona had accompanied Teddy to every scan and Lamaze class she could holding her hand and telling her that she could do this and that she wasn't alone, and when Teddy went into labor Arizona rushed over to her apartment at 3am and stayed until baby Henry Jnr was born. Even now, six years on, they were still there, helping her in any way they could.
Henry Burton Altman was a bright, bubbly boys boy through and through. He was the image of his father, dark brown hair and soft, loving brown eyes, a charm that would certainly have women swooning over him and a love for baseball. Young Henry's pitching ability far from his mothers! He seemed to have inherited all the best genes from his parents, his fathers good looks and charm and his mothers brains and bravery.
Henry Jnr's room was full of pictures of his father as well as many of his possessions. Although he was going to grow up and never get the chance to meet him, there was no way in hell Teddy was going to let her son grow up without knowing his father. She had made Henry Jnr a scrapbook, full of pictures and fun facts about his father and it was they young boys most prized possession. He grew up with stories about how his parents met in the elevator and how they only got married for insurance, but fell head over heals in love with the other, about how his father used to be a pro-baller in college, how he had made Teddy happy, like really really happy for the first time in her life and how the only time she had felt that happy again was when she held baby Henry in her arms for the first time. Henry loved his father, and it broke not only his mothers heart, but his that he would never get to meet him and everything the young boy did, he did it in hopes that his father would be proud of him.
Teddy crouched down so she was eye-level with her son as she smoothed his navy school jumper down. It was his first day of school. Just another 'first' to add to the list that Henry would never get to see.
"You look so smart and handsome!" Teddy smiled, stroking her son's cheek.
"Then why are you crying?" The boy asked, pointing out the tear that was rolling down his mothers cheek.
"I'm just wish your Dad could see you in your uniform, that's all" Teddy said honestly. The six year old knew whenever she was lying so there was no point in even trying.
"He can see me, Mommy" Henry Jnr smiled a toothless smile. "He's looking down and watching us from heaven, 'member? That's why it's sunny, Daddy's proud and smiling" Henry wiped the tear from his mothers cheek.
"You're so smart, you know that right baby bear?" Teddy smiled, ruffling her son's hair. "You sure you're gonna be okay? You don't need me to walk you in?" Teddy added, not really wanting to let go of her son.
"I'm a big boy, Mommy. I can go on my own!" Henry smiled.
"Okay then... But you have to give Mommy a huge kiss and a hug"
Henry wrapped his tiny arms around his mother's neck and kissed her on the cheek before he joined the crowd and ran off into class. Teddy watched as his red backpack got smaller and smaller and more and more blurry as her eyes began to fill with more tears. Her heart physically ached. She was happy her son was in school but she felt like she was loosing him. He was so grown up. She wished Henry was here right now, not only to have watched their son go to school for the first time, but so he could cheer her up in this moment.
As time went on, Teddy was starting to forget little pieces about Henry. She forgot what he smelled like, his smell now long gone from the clothes she had kept that belonged to him. She had had many an internal battle on what she should do with his things after he had gone, and she had settled on keeping the most important things. She had kept everything at first, she hadn't even changed the sheets or slept in the bed because it still smelt like him and he hadn't made it (he never made the bed and it used to drive her crazy) that morning after she had gotten up for work. She couldn't bring herself too, it was only until the counselor at grief group had talked her into it that she did actually throw some of his things away. Of course, the actual act of actually getting rid of some of his things was probably the hardest thing she had ever injured in her life.
Not a day went by when she didn't think about him or miss him. It was true, with time it did get easier and hurt less but she was still in pain every day. The elevator would always be where she first met him, the cafeteria would always be where he bought her lunch, Joe's would always be the place where they did shots to toast their nuptials, the gallery would always be the place she watched his surgery and freaked out, the OR would always be the place Henry died...so it was safe to say that going to work every single day was challenging and it would always be challenging.
There had been a job offer around a year after Henry had died, but Teddy turned it down one the grounds that one, she had just had a baby and two, she couldn't bring herself to leave Seattle Grace Mercy West because as much as it physically hurt her to be there, it still somewhat soothed her. She always felt close to Henry whenever she was there.
She stood up and wiped her eyes -thankfully she wasn't the only crying mother in the school yard- and felt an arm on her shoulder.
"Teddy? Are you okay?" the familiar voice asked.
"Yes... no... I don't know" Teddy broke down as Arizona pulled her into an embrace, Teddy crying into her chest as her best friend rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Oh God, I'm so sorry" Teddy sniffled a few minutes later, wiping her cheeks.
"Don't be! Are you okay though?" Arizona asked.
"I am now... I just had a moment of weakness, that's all" Teddy took a deep breath in, trying to regain control of her breathing. "Y'know, he had to remind me that his father was watching him from heaven this morning" Teddy sighed, linking her arm with Arizona's as they walked out of the school playground. "I just... It never gets easier, knowing Henry is never going to get to watch our son grow up!"
Arizona knew exactly what Teddy was talking about. Mark would never get to see the amazing person Sofia turned out to be. She was right, it never did get easier knowing they were missing watching their children grow up.
"You just need to remember what you told Henry... That his father is always watching him. That's he's up in heaven, watching over the two of you. Protecting you. That he's proud of you" Arizona smiled sweetly, reassuring not only her best friend but also herself.
"I suppose" Teddy half smiled. "Thank you"
"Always. Do you need a lift to work?"
"No, thanks. I've got something to do first"
Teddy hugged her best friend goodbye before getting in her car and driving somewhere she hadn't been to in almost six months. She parked her car in the closest spot and headed to Henry's grave, sitting down on the grass next to his headstone.
"I'm sorry I haven't been here in a while... things have been hectic to say the least!" Teddy picked at the grass nervously. "Henry um, he started school today. His uniform was like three sizes too big for him, but he will grow out of it by Christmas! He wouldn't let me walk him into class! He probably thought i'd breakdown and embarrass him... I probably would have. He is so like you its uncanny. He has all the same facial expressions as you, sometimes I swear you two are the same person! He said he wants to be a pro ball player when he's older, 'like his daddy was in college', well he said he wants to either do that or 'find a cure for that killed Daddy'. He's a smart kid, huh? Sometimes I think he's too smart, that he's done more living in his six years of life than most 50 year olds do... He still idolizes you though. Oh yes, his bedroom is still like a shrine to you and I still have to tell him stories about you every night before bed, even if he's heard them a million times before! Although, I suppose if you're actually up there watching down on us then you already know all this. As for me... It still hurts and I still miss you, I always will but it's getting easier. Henry helps with that, he's so like you it's like I never lost you sometimes... Dammit Henry, I miss you so much it feels like i'm suffocating!" Tears were falling freely from Teddy's eyes, and she was right, she felt like she was suffocating right now. "...Sometimes, I get so mad at you for leaving me. I know it's not your fault but I just, I get so angry and then I always feel guilty. I get angry that you left me and that we didn't nearly get enough time together, I get angry that we had our first big fight right before that happened, I get angry that you died before you even knew about Henry... before I even knew about him. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and i don't know... you would think after almost seven years i'd know how to deal with everything!"
Teddy stayed talking to Henry for the rest of the day. She had called in sick and just stayed sat in the spot, chatting and ranting to Henry before she had to go and pick Henry Jnr up from school. She really needed it. She somehow felt lighter after it. She felt like Henry was actually listening to her, whether he was or wasn't. It was always hard for her to both bring herself to go to Henry's grave and also to actually leave it. It broke her heart to leave it, she didn't like the thought of leaving him all alone (which then made her feel guilty for not visiting more).
She was a mess, she would probably always be a mess. She knew for a fact she wouldn't fall in love again, she didn't think she was capable of ever doing it again. She still loved Henry far too much. That didn't make her sad though, she didn't really want any one else in her life. She was happy that her heart belonged to both her Henry's. As messed up as it was, and as much as just getting up every day was a battle, she was happy with her life. Henry Burton was the love of her life, and in some ways, Henry Jnr was his parting gift to her. He had given her the best gift possible. Henry had given her happiness and love and life. Even if his own life was cut too short, Teddy knew that she had to be happy and celebrate his life. Bask in what he had given her. Remember the good times they had. Of course it was easier said than done, and of course she was going to have days where she wouldn't leave her bed, but her son made her just as happy as her husband had. From the moment Henry Jnr was placed in her arms and he looked up at her from under his long lashes, and wrapped his whole hand around her finger, that's when she first started to feel her heart start to slowly mend. It would never be fixed, but every time her son smiled or laughed or even breathed she knew it would heal her just a tiny bit more.
Henry Burton and Henry Burton Altman Jnr were the loves and lights of her life. They're what gave her meaning, what made her feel like she was worth something, that she was loved, and for that, she would be forever in their debt.
I don't know, I was bored and had Teddy/Henry feels.