Chapter 1 – Set Fire To The Rain
"I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over until you kissed my lips and you saved me
My hands, they're strong, but my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms without falling to your feet
But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried 'cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!
I set fire to the rain and I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died 'cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!"
Set Fire To The Rain by Adele
Commander Josephine Cousland stood on the battlements of Vigil's Keep looking down at the preparations that were taking place in the courtyard for her trip to Kirkwall. Kirkwall would not have been her first choice to take a much needed leave of absences, but it would seem that damn, loveable mage of hers wasn't giving her any other option. To say that she had been stunned and hurt by Anders sudden disappearance after the final battle with the Brood Mother would actually be an understatement. After all that the two of them had shared together, all of his proclamations of love, he had been able to leave her without so much as a good-bye, and she hadn't expected his absence to cut as deeply as it had.
However, once all of the dust had settled from that final battle and she had more clarity of mind, she thought his unexpected departure might have been for the best. Anders had been the one that had helped her pick up the pieces of her shattered heart after Alistair had deserted her just before the final battle with the Archdemon. Anders had loved her unconditional and had never asked her to return his feelings. He had been patient and willing for her heart to mend, knowing that she would never be able to truly give herself over to him completely, until she came to terms with Alistair's betrayal and moved beyond the pain. What she had never been able to tell him was that during the nine months that they had been together, she had fallen in love with him, but some bizarre way she felt she was betraying the love that she still held for Alistair by confessing that to him. So even when she had learned that Anders was in Kirkwall, she didn't go to him because she felt he deserved a woman who wasn't in love with two men; he deserved the pretty girl that loved him and only him. She smiled as she recalled that conversation that she had with him.
They had been in Amaranthine investigating a smuggling operation and had ended up spending the night. It was late as they made their way back to the inn from a tavern they had spent the better part of the evening getting drunk at.
Anders breathed in deep, "Do you smell that?"
Josie breathed in, "So you enjoy the smell of dog shite, piss and vomit? Good to know. I won't send you roses on your birthday just a warm pile of Mayhem's poop topped off with some party favors courtesy of Oghren."
Anders laughed. "Please I would much prefer the roses. No, amongst the shite smells is the smell of freedom."
Now it was Josie's turn to laugh. "I didn't realize freedom smelled so foul."
"It's mixed in there, you just have to look for it."
"So you think becoming a Grey Warden is freedom?"
"Well after being in solitary confinement for a year, this is a step up for me."
"Wow, that isn't a ringing endorsement for the Circle."
"Well, in the eyes of the Chantry, all mages are evil just waiting to be unleashed on innocent people…" Anders stopped walking and turned to her. "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot fire balls at idiots."
"There's a pretty girl right in front of you," Josie purred.
Anders stepped into her, slid his arms around waist and drew her into him. "I know, Phine," he murmured just before his lips claimed hers.
She continued to smile as she thought about that first night with Anders, and how different it had been from her previous lover. When Josie had first met Alistair, he had been a naïve Chantry boy and the first time he had kissed her, he was shy and unassuming which she had found sweet and endearing. He was clumsy in his attempts to win her affections, but that had been the attraction for her. He was so different from the pompous, arrogant noble prats that had sought her hand. His innocence, humor and devotion to her had at first captivated her, enticed her, but it was the way that he had been able draw her out of her grief and allowed her to be herself with him that had won her heart. When they were alone in their tent together, she no longer had to be the strong, courageous leader of a motley crew that was caught up in an epic fight against good and evil, but he encouraged her to be the grieving daughter who had lost everything, he allowed her to be the nineteen year old girl that she was, who was terrified of allowing anyone close to her again for fear of losing them too. Alistair had somehow broken through the wall that she had erected, helped her to believe in herself once again and she had fallen madly in love with him. The first time that they had made love, Alistair had been a virgin. Of course he had all that legendary grey warden stamina, but at the beginning, he still had to be given instructions. Thank the Maker, he was a quick study and enthusiastic to learn.
However, her experience with Anders had been completely different. There was nothing sweet and innocent about their relationship. It had been hot, sensual, and at times animalistic as Anders instinctively knew what she needed to work through her anger and pain. From the moment that Anders had possessed her lips, she knew he was no amateur. The instant his mouth claimed hers, a fire burned deeper into her soul. Maker, the way that man had kissed her, made her toes curl, her stomach flip and her body quiver with hunger. The way his tongue stroked, caressed and explored hers was nothing short of erotic and she was dying to feel his tongue on the rest of her. In that first kiss, Josie knew that Anders would know exactly what to do with a woman's body and all the ways to please her. He had willingly showed her the extent of his knowledge when they finally made it to her room after pausing in several allies along the way to relieve some of the aching desire they had for each other. The memory of that kiss made her tremble.
"Josie, you're going to freeze to death up here," Nate said as he slid her cape around her shoulders.
"Thanks," she replied as she snuggled deep into the fur that lined it.
"They are almost done with the preparations. I have given Sigrun all of your instructions and Oghren and Kai along with Fergus are waiting for us in the throne room."
"I will be right down. Ask them to meet me at the stables in ten minutes."
Josie headed for her quarters, grabbed her backpack, her daggers, the rose that Alistair had given her that Wynne had magically preserved for her, and the griffon amulet that Anders had made her. After she slipped the pendant on her fingers twisted around the chain. Anders had faked his own death when the Keep fell to darkspawn. It was obvious that he wanted out of the Wardens and away from her. Her fingers ran over the griffon amulet. A part of her wanted to hate him for deserting her in a similar manner as Alistair, but she just couldn't find in her heart to hate him. She knew what and who he was when she became involved with a notorious womanizer. Is it the lion's fault for biting the hand that feeds it or the trainer's for knowing the nature of the lion and not taking better precautions?
Josie would have left Anders in peace to live as he had wanted if it hadn't been for the letter that she had received from that sodding arse of a First Warden at Weisshaupt. When Josie had received word that Anders was in Kirkwall she had written First Warden Gatlin that she had given Anders some time off for personal reasons so that he didn't become suspicious of Anders sudden disappearance from her reports. That prick had replied that even if she was the Warden Commander of the Ferelden Grey and the Hero of Ferelden, she didn't have the authority to issue personaltimeoffand that he would be sending Stroud and Loghain to investigate. To which she replied in so many words, fuck off, she would retrieve her own Warden, thank you very much.
She flung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the stables.
Fergus was holding the reins of her horse when she entered the courtyard. She strolled over to the group waiting for her, bent down and hugged her mabari, Mayhem. "Now you be a good girl May and don't give Fergus a hard time."
She looked up at her brother. "Take good care of my baby."
Fergus smiled at her. "I will love her as if she were my own child."
Josie frowned. "You do remember that mabaris understand sarcasm, Fergus."
"Only yours seems to have that ability," Fergus replied as she stood up.
"Now Jo, this is Giles. The gentleman I was telling you about," Fergus said as he pointed to the man standing behind him.
Josie gave a curt nod to the stanch looking man then let out a sigh of frustration. "Fergus as I've told you before, I am the Commander of the Grey, not some sodding noble that needs to have their asses wiped. I don't need a manservant."
Oghren chuckled. "I haven't stood down wind of you lately, but Commander you are noble so maybe you do need some assistance in the ass wiping department."
"Dwarf, it would be wise of you to remember that we are about to head to sea. I would hate for you to accidentally fall overboard," Josie retorted.
"Jo, Giles is much more than a manservant. He lived in Kirkwall for ten years, serving several of the noble families that lived there. His insight into Kirkwall will be invaluable to you. Not to mention he is the one that obtained the estate in Hightown for your stay."
"Yes, because a Grey Warden should be staying in an estate," Josie countered.
"You are also a Ferelden Arlessa. You cannot be sleeping in some hovel in Lowtown."
Josie looked over at stuffy wannabe butler. He bowed graciously at her. "I am at your service, my Lady."
"Fine, let's go Jeeves," Josie replied.
"It's Giles, my Lady."
"Yes I know and as long as you continue to call me my lady, you will be called Jeeves," Josie said dryly.
"Now Sister, play nice," Fergus said.
"I don't play well with others, remember?"
"Yes, I remember," Fergus and Nate said in unison.
"Doesn't play well with others and she's a biter too. That's not a good resume," Nate added.
Josie rolled her eyes, "Oh for Maker's sake, I only bit you once and I was four!"
"Once a biter always a biter," Fergus chuckled as he leaned in to give his sister a hug and a kiss.
"That's what all of her lovers say," Kai Amell said from behind them.
"And you would know this how?" Josie asked.
"Anders," she said flatly.
"That damn mage needs to learn to keep his mouth shut," Josie muttered as she climbed onto her horse, waved good-bye and headed out the gate.
xxXxx
Four very long weeks later, they finally arrived in the port of Kirkwall and the dwarf really needed to be thanking his ancestors that he wasn't dropped overboard with a bag of rocks tied around his neck. Not that Josie would ever do such a thing to her beloved Oghren, but when the ship ran out for ale with a week left at sea, Oghren had resorted to stealing the cook's cooking sherry; from that point on things took a drastic turn for the worst.
As she stepped off the ship she closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air. She felt it instantly…the taint. Her eyes shot open and she looked around the docks. She didn't see any wardens, but there was one here. She closed her eyes and concentrated, it wasn't Anders' taint, but it was very familiar. When she had been traveling with Alistair during the blight, they had learned to distinguish between the darkspawn's taint and their own. Alistair said that it was not a talent that he had ever heard other Wardens possess and they had assumed that it was because they were the only Wardens left in Ferelden. However, when she had begun to recruit Wardens she realized that she could sense them too. She had gone to Soldier's Peak to visit Avernus who was an expert on tainted blood. He found the whole thing fascinating and he gave her some exercises that helped her to differentiate between the individual Wardens. Anders taint hummed while Nate's vibrated and Kai's chirped. She had taught her Wardens Avernus' tricks so that they could do the same. It was a very handy technique that helped out immensely during a fight. She had never learned what Alistair's was because at the time that they had traveled together they hadn't realized that their individual taints were different.
She smiled as she recalled lying in bed with Anders after a night of vigorous love making.
He chuckled as he brushed her hair out of her eyes, "Did you know that your taint makes sweetest keening sound I've ever heard when you cum?"
"How would I possibly know that? If you're doing your job correctly my brain is otherwise too preoccupied to listen to the sound of my taint."
Anders brow furrowed as a smirk spread across his face. "MY Job! Now it's my job to make the Commander have an orgasm!"
She grinned as she rolled on her back. "Yep, multiple ones."
His eyes widened, his pupils darkened with desire as he rolled on top of her. "I missed that in the Wardens Handbook."
"It was in the fine print at your joining…so what does my taint sound like when I'm not overly excited."
"A soft low whistle," he muttered as he began to do the most delicious things with his tongue on her ear and neck.
She stood there and reached out once again to the familiar taint, but it was already gone. She let out a sigh of frustration.
"My lady, I have made arrangements to have the luggage delivered to the estate. If you would follow me, I show you to your new accommodations," Giles said from behind her.
"Lead the way, Jeeves," Josie replied dryly.
Once they had settled in at the estate Giles knocked on her study door before entering.
"My la…Commander…"
"Ma la Commander," Nate chuckled as he stood over a map that was spread out on Josie's desk. "Is that the Orlesian way of addressing a commanding officer?"
The manservant looked flustered and unsure of how to proceed.
"Giles, ignore Warden Nate. He is under the delusion that he is funny. What can I do for you?"
"Delusion, my arse," Nate mumbled as he folded the map.
"I took the liberty of doing some preliminary investigating for the Warden that you are looking for. There wasn't a lot of information forthcoming to outsiders, but I found a source that was able to gather that Warden Anders is acquaintances with man named Garrett Hawke who lives in Hightown, but who also spends a lot of time at the Hanged Man."
"The Hanged Man?" Josie asked.
"It's a sinfully vile tavern in Lowtown," Giles replied.
"Oooo, I like places of sin," Josie smirked.
"Oh Jo, the Hanged Man is your kind of place; loose women and even looser men, ale so bad it makes Oghren's home brew taste like fine Antivan brandy and it's a slow night if there isn't at least one bar fight, a stabbing and someone leaving the bar with no knickers on," Nate said with a grin.
"Well hot damn, when can we go?" Josie asked as she slapped her thigh.
"My lady, a woman of your nobility shouldn't set foot in such a place," Giles exclaimed.
"Damn Jeeves and you started out so good, but here is the thing… I'm not a chantry sister and I don't need you looking out for my virtue…"
"He would be a little late on that front," Nate said dryly. Josie raised an eyebrow. "Not that I would personally know that… it's just that's what I… okay, I think I'll be leaving now, before I put my foot even deeper in my mouth."
"Tell the others that we will head down to Lowtown after dinner tonight," Jo stated before she turned her attention back to her manservant. "Look, we need to set some ground rules if you don't want me to send you back on the first ship returning to Ferelden. You are here because my brother insisted that your services would be invaluable to me, and it seems that he was right regarding the information that you have provided about the Hanged Man. But I need to make some things clear if this arrangement has a hope in hell of working out. The reason I don't want you to call me, myLady, is because I live and work in a man's world. I am Commander for the Ferelden Wardens. My men need to believe and trust in my abilities and skills in order for me to effectively lead them. I cannot have them viewing me as some pampered and spoiled noble. Can you understand that?"
"Yes Commander," Giles replied humbly.
"Now I don't know what my brother told you about me, but let's be perfectly clear about this… I am no longer the daughter or sister of a Teyrn. That title died the night my parents were murdered and I was conscripted into the Wardens. Men, especially military men, go to some unsavory places, they tell vile jokes while slurping down piss and talk about all the women they screwed. If I acted like some high and mighty noble, I would never earn their respect and without their respect I can't properly lead them. You undermine me and my authority by questioning my nobility and my behavior in front of them."
"But you're the Hero of Ferelden, they should follow you on that fact alone."
She smiled sadly. "I'm a woman in a man's job. People quickly forget about the past. It's all about 'what have you done for me lately?'. I am an excellent fighter, a brilliant strategist and a highly effective commander, but none that would matter if they ever began view me as a noble and not one of them."
Giles hung his head in shame. "Commander, I'm so sorry… I didn't realize."
Josie rested her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay and now that we understand each other let's put this behind us."
"Yes, Commander, thank you," Giles said as he bowed and headed out of the room.
Much later that evening, after fighting through several street gangs, Josie and her Wardens entered the Hanged Man. Just as they stepped inside, a body went flying past them and hit the wall.
"See, I told you there is never a dull moment here at the Hanged Man," Nate said. "Jo, how about you get us a table and I will get the first pitcher of ale? I know the bartender and will see what he knows about this Hawke fellow."
Josie nodded as she started for a table; she paused and looked around as she sensed that familiar taint again, but then it disappeared as quickly as she had felt it.
They found a table and few minutes later Nate rejoined them. He set the pitcher down and gave a subtle nod to group gathered in the back. "That man with the black hair is Hawke."
Josie casually turned to the table. A ruggedly handsome man was sitting in a chair facing her, with a scantily clad woman in his lap. Josie surveyed the rest of the group. Anders wasn't there. She returned her gaze to the woman in Hawke's lap. As she recognized the rogue's face, her eyes went wide and she felt the blood rush to her cheeks.
"Maker's hairy balls," she muttered as she quickly spun away from the table.
"What's wrong?" Nate asked.
Josie stole another quick glance over her shoulder at Isabela and a memory of her on a large bed with Alistair and the Pirate Captain flashed through her mind, making her cheeks feel like they were on fire.
"Jo?" Nate asked again.
"Aaah, its nothing; just a memory from my misspent youth making an appearance."
Oghren glanced over at the table and nearly spit out his ale, "Hey Commander, isn't that the pirate wench that taught you how to be a duelist in exchange for sleeping with you and the Pike Twirler?"
"What?" Both Nate and Kai exclaimed at the same time.
Josie rolled her eyes and groaned, "Yes."
"You slept with a woman?" Nate asked shocked.
"And with Alistair at the same time?" Kai asked with note of admiration in her voice.
"Well, we didn't actually get much sleep," Josie said dryly as she looked Nate dead in the eye. "Not a word to my brother!"
He grinned at her and shook his head, "Warden's honor, but damn who knew the Teyrn's daughter was so naughty? No wonder Alistair and Anders fell in love with you."
Oghren chuckled, "Yes, the Commander did a fine job of educating that chantry boy."
Josie drew in a deep breath as she stood up, "Well, I guess there is no time like the present."
"I'll back you up," Nate said as he stood up beside her.
"I don't think I need backup."
"You never know in a seedy place like this. Not to mention we don't know a damn thing about this Hawke."
Josie's eyes narrowed, "You just want to witness first hand, my reunion with Isabela."
"Damn straight I do," Nate replied as the two of them made their way over to Hawke's table.
"I heard that the best duelist in Thedas was at this bar. You can't perhaps point me in the right direction?" Josie said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, as she grinned at Isabela.
It took a moment for Isabela register who she was, but then a playful smile spread across her face. "Oh my, if it isn't the Sweet Thing that I met in Denerim; my favorite student is looking as delectable as ever."
"Some would say that I'm good enough to eat, but that would mostly be Darkspawn, sadly."
"That's because most haven't had the privilege of taking a nibble," Isabela cooed.
"And most don't know how much I love a good 'nibbling'," Josie replied flirtatiously.
A choking noise came from behind her and she cursed under breath as she remembered that Nate was with her.
"Isabela, are you going to introduce us to your lovely friend?" Hawke asked.
"Of course, everyone, this is the Hero of Ferelden, Josephine Cousland, Josie," Isabela waved her hand at the group gathered around the table, "this is everyone."
"Aaah, I could have done without the official title. It's just Josie."
"Damn, the Hero of Ferelden," Varric muttered as he pulled out a notepad.
"Careful, Josie. If you don't watch every word you say, it will end up in one of Varric's stories," Hawke cautioned.
"Well, if he wishes to retain the ability to write those stories, he will forget that little exchange between me and Isabela."
"The Hero threatened," Varric murmured.
Josie's eyebrows furrowed, "Does he do that often?"
"The Hero questioned."
"Yes and it's very annoying,"
"Hawke chuckled."
"Oh, for the love of the Maker!" Josie exclaimed.
"The Hero looked at the handsome dwarf as if she was about to eat him," Varric stated.
"The Hero looked at the Death Mark above the Dwarf's head and pictured how lovely her daggers would look protruding from him."
"Varric... Now would be a good time to run... if you're fast enough!" Hawke smirked.
"Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm a dwarven man." Varric chanted.
"So Josie, what brings the Hero of Ferelden, Commander of the Grey and the Arlessa of Amaranthine to Kirkwall?" Isabela asked.
"Maker's balls, enough with the titles already!" Josie huffed.
"Is it just me or doesn't she like the kaleidoscope of names that she's obtained in the last couple of years?" Isabela purred.
"Thanks for stating the obvious, Captain Crunch," Josie said sardonically.
Both Varric and Hawke spat their ale out as they begin to laugh and choke at the same time.
Isabela glared at her, while Josie shrugged her shoulders. "Two can play the name game, my dear pirate wench."
"Oh, you don't wanna play with me. Wait till I get really creative, I'll start with the kinky names next, my dear Hero." Isabela cooed.
Hawke ignored Isabela. His eyes narrowed on Josie as he lent toward her. "Why is the Commander of the Grey here?"
Josie smiled her most disarming smile as she rested her hand on his. "I have misplaced a Warden and I have it on good authority, Hawke that you have been keeping him safe for me."
"Misplaced? How do you misplace a person?" Varric asked.
"It's not as difficult as you think. Start with an epic battle, mix in a City being burnt to the ground, let that marinate for a while, then top it off with your Keep being overrun with darkspawn and presto, misplaced Warden."
"Damn, you have the best stories," Varric stated.
"What makes you think I have your misplaced Warden?" Hawke inquired.
"I have it on good authority that Anders is working with you, Hawke. Please know that I mean him no harm," Josie said.
"Really? Then why has he remained in Kirkwall all this time," Hawke replied.
Josie smiled, "I'm glad that Anders has a friend like you watching his back. As for your question on why he has remained in Kirkwall that is something I would like to ask him."
"Well, I'm sure it has to do with his extra passenger," Varric chuckled.
Josie's eyes narrowed as her heart began to race with fear. "Extra passenger?"
Hawke shot an angry look at Varric. "I have no idea what that dwarf is talking about half the time. He's a storyteller…he makes shit up as he goes."
"Riiiight... Stop bullshitting me. I'm here to help him… to protect him. Please help me do that."
They were all quiet for a long moment as Hawke thought over what had been said.
"I have only heard that expression used when someone is making reference to a mage being possessed. Hawke, is that what has happened to Anders? Is he possessed?" Josie begged.
Hawke placed a comforting hand on Josie's arm. "I can tell you care about him. Let me reassure you that Anders is not possessed by a demon, but he is not the man that you knew back in Ferelden."
"What do you mean?" Josie demanded.
Hawke studied her for a long moment. "You're her… the one that he refers to as mon precieux."
She smiled and sadly nodded. "Yes."
Hawke gave a curt nod. "Meet me tomorrow morning in Darktown and I will take you to him. I believe Anders should be the one to explain what is going on with him."
"Thank you," Josie said as she hugged him.