A/N: It's been so long since I've authored a story that I'm not even sure if this is worth reading. Nonetheless, the muse hit while I was watching this episode, and I had to get something down. I hope you enjoy it.
It had been a long day.
After everyone had finished their reports and Gibbs had sent them home with an uncharacteristic "Job well done" hanging in the air, Tony found himself aimlessly driving through the dark night of DC.
It wasn't as if the case had been harder than any other case they had dealt with, at least he didn't think so. No, it was the fact that to get the message across to Gibbs that the kid's mother was supposedly dead, he had to bring up Special Agent Caitlin Todd. Kate. That was the issue, he realised.
Unsurprisingly, he soon found himself out the front of his boss' house and reluctantly made his way inside the house, not bothering to knock on the door. Over the years of working for Gibbs, he had found that the door was always unlocked, literally and metaphorically, for him and the rest of the team.
Walking inside the damply lit house, Tony didn't take much notice of his surroundings; he'd seen it all before. Instead, he made a beeline for the stairs that would take him down to the basement, the in-progress boat, which he still wondered how Gibbs planned on removing it once it was finished; and Gibbs himself.
To his credit, Gibbs didn't pause or look up when Tony silently and wearily sat down on the stair he always found himself on whenever he paid night visits to Gibbs. He'd done it so often; he now claimed the stair as his own. He briefly wondered if the others had their own stair, or if they actually made it all the way down the staircase.
Shaking his head of those stray thoughts, he looked up at Gibbs sanding his boat and found himself unsure of what to say, or why he was even there.
"Hey Boss." Well, that was a start.
Gibbs briefly looked up at his senior field agent, but didn't stop sanding his boat, and noticed the haunted look on the young man's face. Sighing to himself, Gibbs paused sanding to fill up one of the empty jars with his liquor of choice and silently handed it to the man.
"Tony. Drink"
Unable to disobey an order, despite the fact it wasn't a proper order, but rather a gentle request, Tony took a sip of the hard liquor and promptly coughed before regaining his composure and placing the jar with sloshing liquid back on the stair.
He mirthlessly chuckled to himself as he realised he must be worse off than he thought if Gibbs was using his kid gloves on him. The fact he found himself in Gibbs' basement should've been his first sign.
As the night progressed, Tony continued to sit in silence on the stairs watching Gibbs work on his boat, while Gibbs patiently waited for his agent to work through his thoughts and say what he needed to say. Though, he was getting slightly impatient. It was a good thing he had a lot of sanding to do and no desire to sleep.
"I miss her." It was a simple statement, but one that carried a multitude of emotions with it. Gibbs didn't need to ask who the "her" was, he knew, because he missed her as well.
Taking a deep breath and struggling with whatever was going on his head, Tony looked up at Gibbs, and Gibbs wished he could somehow bring her back just so he could extinguish the deep anguish and pain he saw in those eyes. It was unnatural to look into them and not see any hint of mirth, or joy.
Not knowing what to say that could possibly help the young man, Gibbs said the only thing he could say, "I do, too."
Apparently though, it was the right thing to say, because the anguish in the emerald eyes diminished a little, but not nearly enough.
"I didn't think it would be so hard. To mention her, that is. It's been months, Boss. It should be easier, right?" The words tumbled out of Tony's lips in a rush and his eyes pleaded with his boss to give him a reassurance, that yes, it would get easier.
Knowing firsthand about pain, loss, and grieving, Gibbs wasn't sure how he could adequately provide Tony with the reassurance he was seeking. Hell, he didn't really find it much easier, but there were good moments.
"It never really gets easier, Tony. But, you have the memories, and they help. As long as you have them, you can put one foot in front of the other."
Tony looked at his boss and wondered how he seemed to have such an intimate knowledge on it, but steered his thoughts away from that path. They all had skeletons in the closet.
Looking back on the day, Tony wondered how he managed to stay alert and on the job, given the track his thoughts strayed to after mentioning Kate to Gibbs to give him a message.
Watching the myriad of emotions cross over Tony's face, one of the rare times the man allowed anyone to see past his extensive walls, Gibbs once again inwardly cursed Ari Haswari and thanked God that he was no longer around to cause more havoc on his makeshift family. Though, he was doing a pretty good job of it from six feet under.
Uncertainty coursed through Tony and before he could stop himself, the words rushed out, "Do you think Kate approves of Ziva... would like her?"
Thinking the question over, Gibbs took the time to run his hand over the boat, smoothing the wood and removing any particles that had accumulated from his sanding.
"Knowing Kate, Tony, I think she would. She keeps you on your toes, and conspires with you against McGee. She comes from a different background than us, but she's one of us, and Kate would see that," Gibbs paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. After all, that was probably the longest he'd said in one go in quite some time, "She's gone, Tony. It's hard, I know, and there will be days where... it will be front and centre in your mind, but you get through it. You will get through it, understood?"
Nodding silently, Tony breathed deeply and slowly stood up from his position on the stairs. He wasn't completely through it yet, but by the time he was required to be back at work, he would be.
Looking back at Gibbs as ascended the stairs, he gave a small grin and a quiet but appreciative, "Thanks Boss" as he left the older man's home.
Arriving back at home, Tony stripped out of his work clothes and changed into more comfortable bed clothes before climbing in. Smiling to himself, he conjured an image of his old partner, his best friend, before drifting off to sleep.
He was ready for tomorrow.